2011 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show !!!

Once upon a time in the not so distant past if you were to show me a picture of a bikini model, whether it be Victoria Secret or Sport Illustrated, I would be able to tell you exactly who she was and probably stats and bio to go with it.

Adriana Lima

I was working for the NYPD at the time, and my buddy Kris and I actually had a large binder at the office where we kept files on this sort of thing. It had to go back through years worth of swimsuit issues and catalogues. And by now you know I knew the Playboy centerfolds too.

 Miranda Kerr

I bring this up, not because someone brought up the fact that she thought I was gay way back when we were teenagers because I wanted to chill with the guys rather than see her at the time, this isn't my overcompensation for anything, except for maybe my lack in the ability to bring these sort of ladies home with me.

Erin Heatherton

But because last night they aired the 2011 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show, which was actually held Nov. 9 or so. This was truly amazing television, and I'll tell you why. Now, I know about as much about fashion as I do about speaking Chinese or delivering half goat half pygmy babies, "Push... what? Not yet? Huh!".... which is to say I know nothing at all.

Right now I'm looking like the cover art from a drunken 70's rockers album. If you threw a cast on his arm here it could have been what I was seeing in the mirror last night.

 Lily Aldridge

So I'm not going to be commenting at all on 2.5 million dollar bras. Let's face it, if people weren't buying them then they wouldn't be making them, would they?

I don't listen to Kanye West, Jay-Z, or Maroon 5 either. Needless to say, there won't be any musical commentary either other than to say it really annoyed the hell out of me.

Alessandra Ambrosio

And the show was so over produced that it didn't feel much different than any other fake ass behind the scenes nonsense. Honestly, the commercials were more alluring.

This special was basically unwatchable, painfully so at times... yet I couldn't look away!

Chanel Iman

Really, it makes all the sense in the world. I wasn't there for the celebrities. I wasn't there for the music. And I wasn't there to see what new styles would be hitting the stands soon, as if I would buy any of it even if I had someone to buy it for. It all looks good to me in a pile on my floor. I was there for the ladies.

Candice Swanepoel

And they didn't disappoint. As if I needed more to prove the power of beautiful young women in lingerie, here I was deep into a show I couldn't stand with my eyes fixated on the screen anyway. And what's not to like? Unless you're a woman yourself who doesn't have it like this, or a dude pissed that they don't have it to get with ladies who do.

Doutzen Kroes

I've stopped having that problem a long time ago now. And as far as just being some sort of perv.... they're underwear models, not only is it par for the course, its to be expected, comes with the job, because that's exactly what they're going for. We all filled our roles perfectly.

Lindsey Ellingson

For those guys out there like me who can't get enough of this stuff, just remember one thing... you're only doing exactly what every male of the species is supposed to do, science backs you up! Our main biological imperative after survival is reproduction of the species.

I explain it all right here.

We are hardwired to want to nail every woman on earth who we think is hot enough to want to make her pregnant. And lets face it... there's no thought process at all. Now that I know the science I'll never apologize for oogling an attractive woman ever again, no matter the age or any other factor.

You should see my dog when one of the females is in heat, drooling with a big dopey ass smile on his face, his eyes glued to her every move.... something takes over, he's a dog possessed! And I do the same damn thing, and so do you. I was doing it again last night watching Victoria's.... Hmmmm!!!

Behati Prinsloo

To be perfectly honest though, I got a whole lot more out of the time I spent watching the movie 13, with Jason Statham and Mickey Rourke, among others. I wasn't expecting it at all, and then this flik just went and got SICK! I'm talking almost Human Centipede kind of crazy, and it really blew my mind. This is definitely the kind of outside the box thinking we need, and I highly recommend it!

And finally, for those of you who give a damn about what a 2.5 million dollar bra looks like, here it is. For the rest of you, its just another really hot picture to look at.

If there's a point to any of this its that really good looks will get people to pay attention to almost any nonsense. And they'll also keep you hanging around long after you've lost all interest otherwise. Good looks simply keep you in the game longer, bottom line, no point fighting this fact of life. So learn to use it for your advantage, just make sure to remember that even the best looks only have about 30 minutes of shelf life.

Then you're going to have to do something more to keep interest... uh... up

But that's all for today.

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