You're A Bum!

Or rather, I am!

And that's not just the answer I gave a friend last night when they asked what I do for a living. It's not just because of my bullshit job. Its not just because of the pathetic paycheck I bring home that doesn't pay the bills. And its not just because I'm not doing what I want to do, not living the life I want to live, though those are all contributing factors.

I haven't gotten a hair cut in over a month now. I only left the house twice all weekend, and one of those times was to sit doing the same thing in someone else's place. I seem to have lost all focus, all drive, all direction....

And that's still not why I'm a bum!

"I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am, let's face it"

And its true. I'm one of those jerks that people can't stand, one of those that can do pretty much anything once you show them how a time or two.... and I've done nothing with it. I'm so much more than what I've become....

And that's what makes me a bum.

Maybe you're in the same boat, I don't know. I can't speak for anyone but myself. There's nothing worse than wasted talent. So in that frame, I quess I'm the worst. I told you I'm a horrible human being.

And maybe I need to be a bum for a while. Maybe its good to accept where you're at. Maybe I need to chill out, not push so hard, then I can really see where I need to go next.

So of course, just this weekend a big picture item hit my mind. Its an insane idea. A huge one. The type of thing that changes the world.

And its something I have to do.

There are so many things I'll have to accomplish to get it done. Its going to take a lot of time. Its going to take a ridiculous amount of money.

For every level of success you have to become a new person. I'll need a total overhaul. I'm going to have to eat lightning... crap thunder....

But I've got three more weeks in this cast. And then rehab. I need some inspiration. I need a muse. 

I guess I grew up a Disney kid, blame my parents for that, and probably 5 sisters.... but it made getting into Once Upon A Time. Its a really well written show. So I watching it last night a thought kept coming to me, bringing me back to something I truly believe...

Lana Parrilla plays the evil queen, and she's so good at being the absolute worst person you ever met in your life that I just can't believe that she isn't really that way in real life also. Its a theory I've been going on for some time now, that if a certain behavior just rolls off naturally for someone during pretend time its because they're so comfortable acting that way that it must be a part of them. If you want to know what its like to chill with Charlie Sheen, just check him out in Navy Seals. That's him! He's playing himself in there, gotta be. 

The thing with the Evil Queen that fucks me up though is that I'm kind of into her. She's good looking enough, has something about her I find sexy, and if the internet is right (and it always is!) there's a flik floating around out there where she bares herself. What worries me is that what I find sexy about her is that she comes off as such a Thundercunt! That could explain a lot of things.

Speaking of actresses that love to take it all off, Anne Hathaway is getting hitched. Right there is a perfect example of how you need balance to everything, even the sexy, or you'll lose it. Now, to say that she isn't sexy is just damn ridiculous, but now I've gotten so used to seeing her naked in everything she's in that its nothing special to me anymore.

And that's the danger of the naked game. We all want it the first time, but once we're used to it, you're going to have to find a new trick to get people going, even when its boobs. And an actress who sells herself on sexy that can't get you into it anymore is in trouble.... time to release a sex tape.....

But she's getting married now, and what's sexy about that for the millions that want to nail her? Could be a step down is coming.

 

There's Demi Moore. Sexy? I don't know. 

One thing for sure though is that some questions are answered loud and clear. A few weeks back I had put up a post using the 2011 Playboy Playmates, but saying nothing really that had anything to do with them. That one post accounts for nearly 20% of the five thousand plus times this blog has been read. Its all about the ladies. 

But that answer brings up a new question, looking at that Demi Moore shot again, then to this one up above..... even the young ladies, how much are these photos airbrushed (heh, airbrushed) to make them look like that?

A few quick hits....

The Conan remake completely sucked balls.

What do you think are the 10 hottest Santa/Xmas pictures?

And start sending me your top 10 best of 2011.

Later People!

Join my fanpage John LaSota - Writer

Or our creative team's page The Mad Doser Presents

And if you need a healthy helping hand from a Personal Performance Consultant

Coach LaSota

The Good Things in Life and Keeping Your Head When the Wheels Fall Off....

The other day I was having one of those mornings where the wheels fall off before you even get going. I hadn't slept all night, everytime I was about to doze off one of the dogs went nuts, and this kept happening. So I was exhausted already at the start of what was going to be a long day.

She knows what I'm talking about. Then for various reasons, several important players on my Sunday morning Softball team told me at the last minute possible that they weren't going to be there. One of them had some of the equipment I needed, so we were short handed without supplies for games we HAD to win against a 6-0 team no less. And I had to deal with it.... SCREWED.

Upon getting to the field, the wife of one of the guys that did show made a joke that we might lose him too if her water broke. At least I thought it was a joke. Her water broke in the 2nd inning or so. Then, whether it was the lack of sleep, my anxiety, allergies, or all of the above, my entire world started to spin and I was so nautious that I had to take myself out. The whole morning was a complete disaster, and the day was just starting....

Except we managed to win both games. Not only did we win, but there was only one point where we were in danger of losing.

Later that day I had a wedding to go to for another of the guys on the team, but by the time I got home from the games I was completely shot, and sitting down to watch some football made it really difficult to get things back in gear again. Beyond that, formal activities where you have to don the suit and tie aren't my bag; I think I'd do very well if I could spent the rest of my life in shorts and a Hawaiian shirt. Weddings are awkward for me, and I only knew three or four people that would be there, so there was every chance that this could be a total trainwreck.....

But my buddy invited me, went to the expense of paying for my plate, and probably a whole lot more just to be allowed to have me there; I'm not exactly the one people readily admit to their family and loved ones they even know, much less want to have around for special events. I couldn't let him down, so I sucked it up, dealt with my crap, and got my ass to the church... er, Temple, on time.

I ended up having a great time!

Somewhere during the middle of the ceremonies I received a text from my buddy who's wife's water broke at the field. His new son was born and everything was looking good. It turned out to be a GREAT day, one of the best I've had in a while. So it just goes to show that, even when things look their worst, it can all turn out so much better than you expected, even special, if you just take a breath, relax and take it easy, and let it all play out in front of you.

"If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you; Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it, and which is more; you'll be a Man, my son!" - Rudyard Kipling.

Of course, that's paraphrased from the classic poem IF, you should read the entire poem though, so click the link. If you're confused by the pic, Kipling wrote The Junglebook.

While I sat at my buddies wedding, I couldn't help but remember the first time I saw him, I can remember it clear as day and it'll probably be etched in my mind forever. He looked like Topper Harley from Hot Shots, and the name stuck, we've been calling him that ever since. I haven't known him for long, but he's one of the most genuine people I've ever come across, you can see how he feels plain as day written all over his face, and he always seems to surprise you with what he knows or how good he is at something. Its people like Topper that make life worthwhile, and here I was sharing the most important day of his life. He even took the time to yell at me for not taking care of myself better.

It got me to thinking, whether its a wedding or anything else, even just a random party for no reason, we should take the time to celebrate each other more than we do. What else really is there in life?

The wedding showed me one other important thing too, this about myself. I've spent so much time holding on for so long just so that the wheels don't fall off, like I started this piece with, holding on so that I don't make a total ass of myself, which I'm very good at, that I've lost the ability to let go and just be. I'm probably terrified that I don't know what's going to happen, what will come out if I do. People think I'm crazy already, and this is me restrained. What would you see, and what would people think, if that manimal got out of its cage?

Trouble is... that's where all the good stuff is. That's where you're really living life, and what good is life if you're not living it. For too long I haven't been, and now I've forgotten how. There's an entire different level that I can take my game to, but I'll never be able to get there until I'm able to unleash the beast. And I can't help but wonder how many of you are in a similar way.

At least I know now what I'm looking for. If I ever end up getting hitched like my buddy there, its going to be to the person that helps me open the cage. She has to be able to get me to dance. Not just get me to do it, but get me to want to do it. And it strikes me that a lot of people are unhappy because of this very thing... when we all should surround ourselves with nothing but the people and things that break us out of our cages, we instead chase after and get caught by the ones who would put us in it. And that's just no way to live. Who wants to live in a cage?

And as if the stars were in alignment, this morning I saw this....

I think the Dalai Lama said it best... so I'll leave it there for today...

Later People!



Join my fanpage John LaSota - Writer

Or our creative team's page The Mad Doser Presents

And if you need a healthy helping hand from a Personal Performance Consultant

Coach LaSota

Reruns...

No, not that Rerun.

I was fully expecting to be completely hung over this morning, but I wanted to get something up and out to you anyway, so I decided that I was going to put up some of the old videos that we used to do and learn you something. Videos like this one here about what it means to be Proactive

Yeah, that sexy beast in the video is me. This blog isn't my first attempt at putting things out there for you. We were making these video blogs a bit, and they're pretty damn informative on some real things, but my production quality, well, it's crap... and the videos are long by most standards.... not to mention it took me at least a week to do all the editing, so I stopped. 

Don't worry sister, I am. It always cracks me up seeing what I find when I'm looking to do these things. It's not just the random whacky images or the crazy shit that people do... well, yeah, it is. Life is the BEST!

Speaking of looking things up. I think I've been going to the wrong beaches. She caught herself a fish, the one eyed trouser trout. Like any good fisherman, as soon as she gets home she's going to find out just how it tastes. Unless they allow fires on the beach, then it won't have to wait that long. And from what I'm seeing here... I bet the allow fires on the beach....

I should know exactly how it is that they found themselves together out there on the high seas, I've studied it long enough. A lot of you have probably seen this before, I'm explaining why we go for the people we do, to date or screw. My good buddy Walt and I have taken this knowledge into the field and studied it, like zoo keepers observing the chimps, and the tricks of the trade are like gold, they get it done. The funny thing about this is that it's angled for guys, because I'm a guy, but I have more women asking me about it than anything else. They want to know why they always go for the worst thing for them (and they do) and what tricks the guys use to get them (and they work). I'm excellent in this capacity girls, not much for the tricks myself, but I can sure as hell tell you when it's working against you.

What?

Uh.. What?

What do you want to bet these two know each other. They're probably dating. Somewhere some good guy thinks that blond is just great, but she treated him like shit. Instead, she's all over this guy right here. Just look at how much he's got to offer.

But I think the look on this guys... er... chicks.. ah... guys face says it all. I leave the URL info on the pics up there purposely most of the time in case you want to go check out who's bringing it to you. StupidHumans.org must be the shit, I wouldn't know though, I didn't specifically go to the site. Every one of this pics came up randomly in my search for truth.

Now THAT is sexy! Actually, I really do like her back. And I can almost guarantee this little lady rocks in bed. You probably have to beat the hell out her though, or she won't respect you. Give her a good right hook though and she'll be ready for....

But listen fellas, really, before you take that next step and take the plunge, make sure you do the right thing and have a proper send off... you know what I'm talking about too... the bachelor party

How awesome is this? I always knew there was a family out there for me. Check out the smile on Mom's face in the back there. The baby looks like she's hungry. What a good baby, patiently waiting her turn. Is that his sister? Or maybe she's with the dude in the camouflage. When she gets older, you know what she's going to dress up as for Halloween?

That's right, there you have it. This comes right out of the handbook for perfect parenting. Which one of them do you suppose designed that costume? He worked on getting the tail out of that short skirt... the tits are all her....

But it could always be worse. Why is it that the mouth on his face by his ballsack is a whole lot happier than the mouth.... seriously, I don't see anything wrong with this. For Christmas I'm getting everyone life sized posters of myself. I think it's that jacket that'll be giving me nightmares, but what the hell do I know.

And having nothing to do with anything at all, I just thought, for a second, that we could all use just a little perspective. If you have to ask who that is I can't talk to you. If you have to ask who that is, Bush, Obama, Sara Palin, Al Sharpton, Charlie Sheen... they're not the problem with America... YOU ARE!

Speaking of Charlie Sheen... his Comedy Central roast is coming next Monday.... EPIC!

I'm tired. I think I'll go home now.

Later People!

Join my fanpage John LaSota - Writer
Or our creative team's page The Mad Doser Presents

And if you need a healthy helping hand from a Personal Performance Consultant
Coach LaSota

The BEST story I've heard all week!

I wanted to start with this yesterday, but considering the title and topic I was going with I felt it would send the exact opposite message that I was going for about someone I so far think is fantastic, which proves I don't have my head completely up my own ass, but hey, everyone loves their own brand, right?

SO..... A couple of weeks ago I had mentioned that I went to the Bitter End in the village to see Emily Forst play when a pianist came on that blew my socks off. I had no reason to stay at that point of the night except to experience how phenomenal this artist was; she kept my ass in the chair even when I had planned to leave, which is the most ringing endorsement I think I can give to anyone. Well, her name is Nisha Asnani and there's no way you should let the chance to check her out for yourself pass you by. The link I have here, if you click on her name, will bring you to a place you can do that. And did I mention she's also pretty hot?

I've been talking about movies and celebrities a lot in the last few days, which won't always be the case, but yesterday I had gotten into Britney Spears and how she is now the leading lady in my train wreck of life hall of fame. I had to get into that because with all of the shitty remakes of movies that were only made 20 years ago and still so fresh in your memory that you can recite every line from them, and the ever popular ensemble cast flik full of decrepit former action stars that always just sucked to begin with, I think Hollywood is missing a tremendous opportunity to make a box office killing with the greatest ensemble film every conceptualized.

Now, the reason that there's no originality (or good movies) coming out these days is because YOU'RE A FUCKING IDIOT and pay good money to see the shit that they're pumping out. Then I have to hear how much you liked some trash version of the same flik you saw as a kid with asshole's who can't act like it's your kid's god damned high school play version of War Games (just one of many remakes on the horizon that will make me want to chain the theater doors, with you inside, and LIGHT THE PLACE ON FIRE!).

But what if we gathered together a crew of real fuck-ups, the sort of lunatic that we just can't stop talking about, and threw them into a story that makes celebrity rehab look like the fuckin Brady Bunch? Much like our leading actress Britney, it would be a beautiful disaster, the A-Team meets the Dream Team! With all the shitheads out there to choose from, you really can't go wrong, but my crew couldn't be beat! Who would I go with? EASY!

HOWLING MAD

The list begins and ends with Gary Busy. Who the hell else could you possibly consider? Finding a Busey crazy picture wasn't the problem, it was picking which one.

FACEMAN

"What are you in for? Drugs". All I can say is GIVE EM' THE HEATER RICKY! Have you ever seen Navy Seals? I swear Charlie Sheen was only playing him self in that.

B.A.



Nordberg! What can I say, maybe I took the easy way out on this one, but he brings his own Dream Team

But all these crazies in the same room, on the same suicide mission could go wildly out of control. What we need is a strong leader, someone who can unquestionably take the reigns and do the impossible. Who is need is....

HANNIBAL

None other than drunken Jew hating, wife beating Mel Gibson! How can you fuck with Braveheart? This patriot's going to go Lethal Martin Riggs on your ass! I love it when a plan comes together!

So now you see why I needed Britney, afterall, how can you bring it all together with out strong female lead? Come to think of it, maybe Spears isn't strong enough to hang with these nutsacks, maybe she's not off enough to hold her own. I was wrong yesterday; for the first time I'm really feeling the loss of Amy Winehouse.

THE BEST STORY I'VE HEARD ALL WEEK!

The news report said he was the puppy no one wanted, his brothers and sisters were all adopted ahead of him, the last one picked. That just makes it even better, and a great example for a lot of us. No matter what anyone else thinks of us, even those of us no one wants are capable of something great just by being themselves.

Alright fuckface, this has carried on long enough already, and I have to get back to work. Try not to suck too much dick on your way to the parking lot!

Later!