Delirious....

Yup... that's about right. I usually am delirious, this morning because I got absolutely no sleep at all last night, so I have no idea where this thing is going. And of course, I was just having this conversation at my Alumni Networking event for Ashford University last night, how sleep and getting the proper rest is vital to everything that you do. I mentioned that also in my piece Coach LaSota's Formula for Success, but that didn't get much love, which is a damn shame, because there's some really good stuff in there.

Its crazy what comes up when I look for visuals to help me along with these blogs, and part of what makes them so fun, because often I don't even know what I'll get. This HAD to be used for the cover picture. Eddie Murphy's Delirious is probably the single funniest comedy routine ever to this very day, which is saying alot, but that was WAY back when he was the funniest person on the planet. God was he great! Then he went to the comedians graveyard.... he signed that Disney contract... and it was all gone. All the laughs.... gone. Now he's in that new flik with Ben Stiller. Ten years ago that match could have been sick, now there's just no way it can be good. Matthew Broderick is in it if that doesn't tell you something.

What's going on with Alison Lohman here? Either she's got the blowers cramp or someone's stuffing something into a very uncomfortable place, and I don't mean the back of a Volkswagon. She seems to be enjoying it though. This came up with the delirious search too, from a 2006 Delirious that must have completely sucked because I never heard of it, and I thought she may have been something after she looked so great in Big Fish and was so good in Matchstick Men.

Big Fish was probably the only Tim Burton movie I liked after Batman and Beetlejuice. What an over rated hack. And Matchstick Men, Nick Cage... UGH! Still, I like a whole lot more of his crap than Burton's. He must just do everything and hits a winner now and then. As for Lohman, she's pretty sexy here, huh? She'll probably have to do more of this with bombs like "Drag me to Hell" out there. What complete trash that was.

Maybe she'll follow Lindsay Lohan and bare it all for Playboy. That would probably actually disappoint me. I like this girl here. Now that Lohan is taking the plunge, how long before Britney Spears takes it all off? You think she'd go Hustler or Penthouse?

Now there's a classic! But tell me, what John Candy flik isn't? What a damn shame that was, but its what happens when you eat bad meat in Mexico. How do you not see that coming? The only thing more tragic to me was Michael J. Fox and his Parkinson's. Two guys who brought something great to everything they touched.

Talk about great ways to be touched. Hugh Hefner is the man. I caught the Showtime special on him last night and you really should see it. That man has done so much more than put naked 20 year old girls in magazines. He's touched your life in so many ways that you don't even know about, civil liberty sort of ways, that its just insane.

That there is Route 66 in New Mexico in the winter. Most people don't realize how cold it gets. This morning, for whatever reason, I was caught with the feeling I had one morning while moving back to NY from Vegas while pumping gas out there. I had my two little dogs, my ferret and my snake all piled into the car hauling a trailor behind me for three thousand miles. I looked out over a site very much like this one, only a lot more snow. This morning I had the same feeling that I did that day.

The next morning in Amarillo Texas is was so cold that the handle for the shower broke off in my hand and the faucet couldn't be turned off. The water just kept pouring out. I put the broken handle down on the counter when I checked out and kept it moving.

I was listening to Steve G. Jones again yesterday, and this guy is great, really knows his stuff, and it hit me that.... I really know my stuff too. And that's no joke. There are a few things that I really know well. All the important material to be a good Life Coach, I know it really well. Writing... I know that really well too. But one of the things that Jones said, and this is very true, is that the more relaxed you are the better you're going to be in everything you do. The good stuff just flows naturally. Yet I noticed it the other night playing darts... I get nervous for no good reason and it destroys my chances at being good. And somehow I'm that way in everything, playing ball, meeting chicks, telling people about my books, trying to get interviews for this blog, whatever.

Everything except.... Life Coaching.

And I know this is all still residual effects from the ex girlfriend taking off and pulling the rug out from under me. It often feels like there's no steady ground to stand on, even in the things that you know you do well. Its not that I haven't moved passed that event, I long since have. Its that I have yet to have, in all this time since, positive successful results to replace that negative association. So even with all I've done it feels as if nothing will ever work out.... because it hasn't yet, no matter what I do.

The right woman (or man for a chick), lets just say the right partner, is SO damn important to that. Its the single most important factor in your life. Of course the wrong one.... well, the wrong one will have you still getting nervous in almost everything you do even years later...

I dated a stripper in Vegas for a while after the event. This was the exact pose she was in when we introduced ourselves to one another. Yeah... that was a strange time in my life. And that didn't go the way I wanted either. But with strippers... does it ever really?

And here's the funny thing about those positive successful results and why its imperative to have passion for what you're doing in order to reach them.... they come slowly. This blog is perfect example of that. Right now I don't make money or gain much recognition from it, not even from the people closest to me. The numbers are trickle in.... yet yesterday alone I had articles read in Poland, Croatia, Russia, Moldova, Ghana, Italy, Great Britain, Egypt and Australia. And that's not counting all the many, many other nations across the globe where my voice has been heard. From the number too, I can also tell that these readers are passing them along to their friends. How many people out there actually have global influence like that? Not many.

No matter what your measure, how is that not great success?

Eh, but whatever. There were some things I had wanted to talk about, but I'm really just babbling right now. I don't even know what I'm saying anymore....

I'm feeling like this chick right here, but I warned you about that, so the rest will have to wait for tomorrow, unless I come up with something better to talk about. Hell, I've been waiting for something better to talk about since I started this, and that hasn't happened yet either, so don't hold your breath.

But then, there I go again, not giving myself enough credit. How many of you do that to yourselves too?

Enough of this.

Later People!

Fancy Going Halves on a Bastard?

No, not this Fat Bastard. I'm talking about the best pick up line I've ever heard. I think I'm going to use that from now on every time I meet someone new. I got it from "The Little Book of Flirting" by Stewart Ferris, which probably isn't the most informative work in the world if you wanted to actually use it out in the field, but MAN did I laugh my ass off reading it.

Truth is, it doesn't really matter what you say when you approach someone as long as you have the balls to say anything at all, and a smile on your face when you do it. That's the problem that most people have in general, having the balls to do it, and of course the people that do are usually the type of ass that are so full of themselves that it'll never hit them what a horrible human being they actually are....

But then we wonder why its people like this that take over the world. What a Horror! Of course, if you're going to use a line like "Fancy going halves on a bastard?" it helps to have props.

Bust one of these bad boys out and even the coldest fish alive has no choice but to laugh. This is Pulitzer prize winning stuff here people. And this is either a tremendous job with photoshop or the greatest candy bar on earth. Cadbury... they make the cream egg... and help deliver the cream for her eggs....

But you always have to be careful of what you wish for....

Because you just might get it. If that's not a Fancy Bastard I don't know what is. Of course, he could just be English. No one delivers the word "BASTARD!" quite like the Brits, makes me laugh my ass off... gets me every time.

That's right! Happy Birthday... eh, whatever, it seems that I've boxed myself into a corner here, forgot where I was going with this. But if you don't like it....

You tell 'em Johnny Cash! That right there is a man after my own heart. Misunderstood, constantly fighting his own demons, and seemed to get caught out there all the time giving off a certain public image that did nothing to show what a huge heart he had and how much he cared or helped his fellow man. I have a picture of a letter from him to John Wayne that proves it.

Speaking of a certain public image.... people need to leave Lindsay Lohan alone. Yeah, she's a drunk and probably a skank that's constantly going out there, making a mess of herself, and getting caught in a position that makes her look like a total slut.... but how is that any different than any other hot young girl out there? Go look at your facebook friends and what they put up for people to see on purpose and you tell me. Just because a girl is famous doesn't mean she can't do the same nasty shit that makes her look like a pig any less than the hot young girls you know.

Would you rather it was this guy that was flashing the half naked drunken photos? Geez, look at this guy. Look at his neck? Is that a gullet or a tumor? How do you even get yourself one of those? Somehow it reminds me of eating at Sizzler with my brother and sister one afternoon....

They sit us down, and at the table behind us was a mentally handicapped woman who looked exactly like Beaker from the Muppets. And when she talked, her mouth even moved the same way. If you had told me that someone had their fist up her ass working her like a puppet, I would have believed it. But as much as I get a bad rep for these things, like Johnny Cash, I can't be the ass that's sitting there laughing at the handicapped, I really can't do it. It's just not right. If I'm going to laugh at retards it's going to be the cast of Jersey Shore... and the people who love them. But I couldn't eat that way either, so I had to change my seat so that I wasn't facing her. Poor woman. Poor Beaker.

Only because I had to change the subject.... actually, if you're going to pull a line like the one this whole spot has been based on, it should be used on the type of woman that's taking pictures prancing around in her underwear. Why is it when they do it its sexy, or art, but when I take pictures prancing around in MY underwear.... well.... they call it something else...

That is one damn strong chair.

Beaker?

Well... that's all I've got for today. But hit me up with some of the best pick up lines you've ever heard. I'm going to go out there and use them, with my own spin of course, and see if they work. Maybe I'll make it a video. I'm also going to look into getting some of those Cadbury Bastard Bars... wow, it just rolls off the tongue, doesn't it?

Later People!

Join my fanpage John LaSota - Writer

Or our creative team's page The Mad Doser Presents

 

And if you need a healthy helping hand from a Personal Performance Consultant
Coach LaSota

YOU WANT ME!!!

I suckered you in with that one, didn't I? I know, I'm not right, am I?

You see, there are certain trends that I notice, things that they tell you about all the time, but we always swear we don't do, or get caught up into ourselves. So I conducted a little experiment here and I used you to do the testing.

SHOCKING!!!

I know. About as shocking as seeing Rodrigo's junk in those Monster of Cock videos. The ladies have all asked for some penis since yesterday's post, which I can't bring myself to deliver. Sorry girls. But google those videos. This girl can't believe someone has a unit the size of her face. Or maybe she's just got blowers cramp. Heh, blowers cramp.... you get it? How often?



There's something about this pic right here that makes me hungry, and that's the point of today's post; it makes everybody hungry. The trends I started to mention are in the things that people get into, what they look at, what they want to see, and even for this blog the same trends swirl like a dead gold fish down a toilet.

Earlier in the week I added a post with Lindsay Lohan looking like a hot slutty mess in the cover picture and the word SEXY in big bold type in the title and people went nuts for it. It didn't matter that what was written in there was mostly just me prattling on about some nonsense. I caught your eye with something naughty, something you might want to see, men and women alike, and set the hook with one of the magic words that gets us all going. It made no difference that what I wrote was a result of feeling like this guy....

The amount of hits I got went through the roof! You all loved it. The next day I had something up on The 48 Laws of Power with what I thought was a really good message. There was a picture of the book advertising the blog entry and some solid substance.... readership fell through the trap door. Hey, let's combine those last two pictures....

How great is this toilet. I want one. Reminds me of a pair of shoes I almost bought just for the laugh in it. So I responded by using a hot picture of Natalie Portman's ass for yesterday's blog, and the word FACEBOOK in the title. Again, eye candy picture with a key word to pique your interest, and sure enough, more of you read that post in the first hour it was up than read the prior day's post in a full day. Natalie Portman's ass had nothing to do with it, and neither did any of the other pictures of the sexy ladies I put in there. I did it to prove a point.

We all like to think of ourselves as people of substance, above all the animalistic drives that no one ever really wants to talk about in public. But it's that very balance of letting the animal out but never letting others know about it, the things we only mention in hushed tones because there's something wrong, something perverted about us if that's what we're into, but excites us all the same that we're seduced by. That picture up above looks like two teen aged girls on a dirty mattress in the filthy back room of a human trafficking operation... and still something about makes you go Mmmm!!!

And we're all drawn in by it, obsessed with it, every one of us, like demon possessed Taco Bell dogs riding the white horse. None of us are immune. I used the pictures I did knowing too that it might alienate some of my female audience, which I don't ever want to do, not just because of my love for the ladies, but because ironically my audience is made mostly of women despite what I say and how I talk. It was a calculated risk, and how did they respond? They asked for me to post pictures of Penis! Well, I don't know if I can comply with those wishes, not because of any homophobe thing, but because I really have no idea what you ladies find sexy. How's this?

What, that's not sexy? The truth of the matter is that we all fall for those same tricks and tactics. Marketing experts use it against us every day and in almost every aspect of life. If you consciously think about it, the things you're into, the things that catch your eye, you'll begin to see it everywhere.

Looks may only be a shit test, and they are, or at least they are for the people who have the looks. We're not supposed to notice because everyone notices all the time. You're supposed to be different, you're supposed to set yourself apart from the rest, yet a catch phrase stretched across something alluringly sexual gets you every time.

Whether you realize it or not, subconsciously I just planted a message into your brain with the last two pictures. It's the ass that slipped it by your defenses, and this is how its done.

You want me. I know you want me.

And she's right, the girl with the panties. She's got you right where she wants you, and so does whichever sponsor gave her those silky draws. All the dudes reading this should look away, I hate to do this to you, it pains me to have to do it, but I have to add something here for the ladies, it's only fair

Again, I have no idea if that's what you're looking for. All I know for sure is that this next one... no one's looking for...

UGH! That's not even right. But these caped crusaders do a great job proving another point. These last two pictures are making me physically sick. There's nothing about them that makes me want to buy into anything that's going on there, and I know the same will be said by all my brotha's out there. And probably the same with the ladies. But a beautiful woman can sell anything to anyone, just by showing up. All the guys want her, and the other ladies either want to be her, or see why all the guys want her. We're all going to check her out, at least for a while. Ok....I need to change this QUICK....

There, that's much better. But it's not enough to cleanse my soul after that last mess, is it?

There we go. And thank God for it. Thanks babe, I think I really needed that.

On a serious note though.... it's actually all a terrible thing, and we're all part of the machine. I know some of the people that make their living in this world, being the one who entice you to follow and fall in with whatever nonsense they're peddling. Looks are a shit test, and most of us fail it every day, usually many times in the course of that day. The beautiful people want you to be different, to notice them for who they are and not for that ass that has the message spread across it.

Eh... that's bullshit too. Like I said, I know some of the people in this world, and while you'd think they'd know better they get sucked into it too. If anything, they get sucked in faster and lose their soul to it. After a while its who they are, its all they know. But it gives me a great idea for another social experiment if you want to help.....

You want me. I know you want me.

Later People!

Join my fanpage John LaSota - Writer

Or our creative team's page The Mad Doser Presents

And if you need a healthy helping hand from a Personal Performance Consultant
Coach LaSota

but its SEXY!!! and.... you can't be on all the time.....

Ugh! I have a headache.

All I can say is thank God for coffee, sweet nectar of life!

Before I begin today I have to give a shout out to Mimz. I got an anonymous comment on last night's post and all it said was Mimz, and being curious I had to see what that was about, which is how it's done; they suckered me in. Unfortunately for our friend here, they didn't give enough information to go on and I don't know which of the many Mimz that comes up in Google search that you are, which leaves us a valuable lesson. Be specific. Make sure people know exactly what you want them looking at.

I also want to welcome our new Peruvian friends to out little club here. Nice to have you with us.

Last night I played my first competitive Darts match in a long time. When I stepped up to the board and saw that I was matched up against a woman I couldn't help but feel my chest puff up, the machismo flare. There was no way I was going to lose to a woman. I wouldn't say that she was good looking, but she definitely knew how to rock what she had... SEXY! 

Its a good thing for all of us out there to keep in mind, men and women alike. We can't all be good looking, but we can all add a little something to the way that we carry ourselves, a little swagger, that air of confidence that tells everyone "Yeah, I know you want me" no matter how we look that does in fact make people want us. You know what I'm talking about too. We've all had or known or seen at least one person at some point in our lives that we had to step back and say "I know they're not good looking at all.... but they're so damn SEXY.... I want them anyway...."

I think that's something we can all capture for ourselves, use it to capture someone for ourselves, no matter what came in the package we were born with.... sexy is so much more than good looking....

But I'm going off on a tangent here aren't I? Besides, this chick didn't have it like that, not at all. Just a lil sexy. So my first two throws are pretty nice... I'm feeling good, right? And then this chick unleashes hell and blows me right off the board. I'd like to say that I'm above that male need to prove that I'm a MAN baby, YEAH, that chauvinistic impulse that tells us that men are always better than the ladies in anything involving competition... but last night proved that I'm not.

Part of me was embarrassed, but at the same time... you can't be on all the time....

It forced a conversation that I had later in the evening with a woman on our team. Darts isn't like most other sports where man muscle is a factor. Women have better hand eye coordination than men do, if anything its something that fits them well, that they should excel at... yet every professional I can think of in the game is a man. All we could come up with as a reason for it is because the nature of how its played.... in the bar with the guys. I guess it's something to do to get away from the wife. Oddly, all of the pros I know of are also English....

I'm all over the place as I write this, I know. Its called a hangover; keeps interrupting my flow. I knew when I had reached my limit last night, but ended up having two more after that. What was I going to do? We were at this nice Irish bar in Rockville Center called Stingers... they really know how to take care of you in there. Here I thought the buy back was dead, but they really hooked it up. I give it my ringing endorsement, I'll be in there again and I hope you're there with me. It'll be a good time; we'll have a party.

Now it's my head that's ringing. That's what happens when the bartender hooks it up on a Monday night. Part of me should be embarrassed, there's a word for someone who gets wrecked in the bars on a Monday night; A DRUNK, but that's not what I'm talking about. I should be embarrassed for the state of today's blog.... but... you can't be on all the time....

Mariano Rivera is now the all time saves leader in baseball, greatest closer of all time. People have slobbered all over his nuts for years, but not me. I've always said, as great as he is (and he IS great), he's still over rated. I'm a HUGE Yankee fan, love the Yanks more than anything, they're my first love, so this isn't hating on my part. You can be great and still be over rated when the masses still slobber all over your balls without seeing your failures... think Reagan for Republicans... Clinton for Democrats... (I still don't believe elections actually exist), but Mo blows every other save against the Red Sox. He lost the 2001 World Series, there's no other way to put it, then blamed it on Brosius. Against the good teams he's an average pitcher, and that's a fact, the numbers back it up.

And when we talk greatness, real greatness, we judge it against the other greats, not the mediocre slobs who just showed up.... but hey.... you can't be on all the time....

Don't get me wrong though, the guy still is great...

As I'm writing this I've realized that I haven't done a very good job of showing off people that are ugly, yet still sexy. Most of everything that I've found is someone who is hot. But there's still a big difference between sexy and good looking.

I've also realized, as I've been writing this, that I'm not doing a very good job of actually writing anything. I'm off my game today, way off, and its degenerated into an excuse to post pictures of drunks and women... but then.... you can't be on all the time....

So here's a little something for the rest of us, those of us that aren't the beautiful people, to show that no matter how hot or sexy the rest of "THEM" are... in the end, we're all nasty in exactly the same way....

Now THAT... is SEXY!!!

Man... after that I don't even know what to say any more. So I'll leave you with a question and hope you all blow up the comments section here with you're answers... Who do you know that may not have the looks like these ladies, but is still every bit as sexy? What qualities do you think that entails? How does someone that might need a little help in that area pull it off? What can you tell us that helps get you going?

I'm interested to hear your answers....

Later People!