but its SEXY!!! and.... you can't be on all the time.....

Ugh! I have a headache.

All I can say is thank God for coffee, sweet nectar of life!

Before I begin today I have to give a shout out to Mimz. I got an anonymous comment on last night's post and all it said was Mimz, and being curious I had to see what that was about, which is how it's done; they suckered me in. Unfortunately for our friend here, they didn't give enough information to go on and I don't know which of the many Mimz that comes up in Google search that you are, which leaves us a valuable lesson. Be specific. Make sure people know exactly what you want them looking at.

I also want to welcome our new Peruvian friends to out little club here. Nice to have you with us.

Last night I played my first competitive Darts match in a long time. When I stepped up to the board and saw that I was matched up against a woman I couldn't help but feel my chest puff up, the machismo flare. There was no way I was going to lose to a woman. I wouldn't say that she was good looking, but she definitely knew how to rock what she had... SEXY! 

Its a good thing for all of us out there to keep in mind, men and women alike. We can't all be good looking, but we can all add a little something to the way that we carry ourselves, a little swagger, that air of confidence that tells everyone "Yeah, I know you want me" no matter how we look that does in fact make people want us. You know what I'm talking about too. We've all had or known or seen at least one person at some point in our lives that we had to step back and say "I know they're not good looking at all.... but they're so damn SEXY.... I want them anyway...."

I think that's something we can all capture for ourselves, use it to capture someone for ourselves, no matter what came in the package we were born with.... sexy is so much more than good looking....

But I'm going off on a tangent here aren't I? Besides, this chick didn't have it like that, not at all. Just a lil sexy. So my first two throws are pretty nice... I'm feeling good, right? And then this chick unleashes hell and blows me right off the board. I'd like to say that I'm above that male need to prove that I'm a MAN baby, YEAH, that chauvinistic impulse that tells us that men are always better than the ladies in anything involving competition... but last night proved that I'm not.

Part of me was embarrassed, but at the same time... you can't be on all the time....

It forced a conversation that I had later in the evening with a woman on our team. Darts isn't like most other sports where man muscle is a factor. Women have better hand eye coordination than men do, if anything its something that fits them well, that they should excel at... yet every professional I can think of in the game is a man. All we could come up with as a reason for it is because the nature of how its played.... in the bar with the guys. I guess it's something to do to get away from the wife. Oddly, all of the pros I know of are also English....

I'm all over the place as I write this, I know. Its called a hangover; keeps interrupting my flow. I knew when I had reached my limit last night, but ended up having two more after that. What was I going to do? We were at this nice Irish bar in Rockville Center called Stingers... they really know how to take care of you in there. Here I thought the buy back was dead, but they really hooked it up. I give it my ringing endorsement, I'll be in there again and I hope you're there with me. It'll be a good time; we'll have a party.

Now it's my head that's ringing. That's what happens when the bartender hooks it up on a Monday night. Part of me should be embarrassed, there's a word for someone who gets wrecked in the bars on a Monday night; A DRUNK, but that's not what I'm talking about. I should be embarrassed for the state of today's blog.... but... you can't be on all the time....

Mariano Rivera is now the all time saves leader in baseball, greatest closer of all time. People have slobbered all over his nuts for years, but not me. I've always said, as great as he is (and he IS great), he's still over rated. I'm a HUGE Yankee fan, love the Yanks more than anything, they're my first love, so this isn't hating on my part. You can be great and still be over rated when the masses still slobber all over your balls without seeing your failures... think Reagan for Republicans... Clinton for Democrats... (I still don't believe elections actually exist), but Mo blows every other save against the Red Sox. He lost the 2001 World Series, there's no other way to put it, then blamed it on Brosius. Against the good teams he's an average pitcher, and that's a fact, the numbers back it up.

And when we talk greatness, real greatness, we judge it against the other greats, not the mediocre slobs who just showed up.... but hey.... you can't be on all the time....

Don't get me wrong though, the guy still is great...

As I'm writing this I've realized that I haven't done a very good job of showing off people that are ugly, yet still sexy. Most of everything that I've found is someone who is hot. But there's still a big difference between sexy and good looking.

I've also realized, as I've been writing this, that I'm not doing a very good job of actually writing anything. I'm off my game today, way off, and its degenerated into an excuse to post pictures of drunks and women... but then.... you can't be on all the time....

So here's a little something for the rest of us, those of us that aren't the beautiful people, to show that no matter how hot or sexy the rest of "THEM" are... in the end, we're all nasty in exactly the same way....

Now THAT... is SEXY!!!

Man... after that I don't even know what to say any more. So I'll leave you with a question and hope you all blow up the comments section here with you're answers... Who do you know that may not have the looks like these ladies, but is still every bit as sexy? What qualities do you think that entails? How does someone that might need a little help in that area pull it off? What can you tell us that helps get you going?

I'm interested to hear your answers....

Later People!

The KEY TO SUCCESS IS RIGHT IN HERE.... if you read it...

I wish I knew who had left that first anonymous comment on last Friday's post. It seems as if a friend of mine is in pain and I can't see who it is. If I can't see it then there's nothing that I can do to help, and they don't feel they can go to anyone with the issue. That is my failing.

One of the basic premises that the work I'm now getting into is built upon is that we all already know the answers that we're looking for. The problem is that we either can't see it because we're asking ourselves the wrong questions, or we're too scared to answer those questions. Very often all it takes is someone talk to, someone to bounce things off of, and we reach the conclusions on our own. I had witnessed that very thing with a friend of mine just this weekend, to beautiful results.

Isn't it a shame then that so often we can't find anyone to sit and listen long enough, or that we feel comfortable enough with without fear of being judged, to allow us to do that? Most of the time most of us are so in love with our own voices, or the importance we feel by doling out advice, that we're thinking of our answer before we even listen to what they're saying. Take a second right now and consider if you do that. I know you have before; I've caught myself doing it too.

My "job", when it's done right, is to simply do that, sit back and keep my mouth shut and just let you vent. Then, when you hit a roadblock or don't want to push passed a barrier in your thinking I give a little nudge in the right direction. There are a lot of techniques that I had to train in, sure, a lot of different ways to get you there, but ultimately we all have to figure it out for ourselves.

Another of the presuppositions of my field (heh, my field), the very first one, is that communication is constant. Every one of us is literally communicating with everyone around us everyone else every single moment. We just don't know it. Hell, half the time we think we're saying one thing while our body or our energy is saying another. Then every one else in the room is picking up a completely different message based on whatever madness they're afflicted with.

Have you ever complimented someone and they flipped out on you? Then you had to step back and look around with a stupid look on your face and all you could think was WTF? Yeah, I know you have because people are nuts. And I know you've done it to someone because you're nuts too. We all are. Well... that's why.

Another thing we all do, or have done, is to get overly self conscious when we think we've said or done something embarrassing. When we're nervous we swear everyone in the room knows it, like they smell it or something. How the hell do you not see my hands shaking? This exact thing keeps so many of us from saying or doing or trying the things that we really want to do, because of that paranoid sense that "they know!".

The flip side to that is that we also think that everyone should be able to tell when there's something going on with us. And if they don't we grunt, whine, fidget, cross our arms and huff, pout, and all manner of other business to call attention to ourselves. Then if that doesn't work we get angry or hurt. We think we're alone or no one cares about us. Often, if this goes on consistently for long stretches, we get trapped by that, w begin to feel we have no one we can turn to, or we lock it away so tightly that we can't or are afraid to let it out.

And even when they do notice somethings off, what do we do? "Forget it! You should know!" How many times has someone done that to you? How many times have you done it?

We're constantly caught between that rock and that hard place; between the assumption that everyone is noticing our insecurities laid bare before them and the frustration and sensitivities that they don't. But they never do.

And why don't people ever notice? Because 99% of the world is thinking about themselves. And even when we think of others, its in terms of what we want or how it affects us. That's not to talk bad about people, I do it too, and so you if you're honest about it. Its human nature. It's survival instinct. Its also why 1% of the world has most of the money. Which 1% do you suppose that is?

Our only real option then is to come right out and say it. Then, of course, you have the issue I always did, as my dear mother always said, "it's not what you say but how you say it."

Anthony Robbins has made a career on the premise that "The quality of your communication is the quality of your life". And according to Dale Carnegie's "How to win friends and influence people" 15% of success is based on talent; 85% is from how well you talk to and get along with other people. Its not the guy who has the best idea or does the best work, its the one who gets that idea across to other or gets people behind them, to lift them up, that gets to the top of the mountain.

Its those people that raise us up, that believe in us, our support system, that gets us to where we're going. Those are our ambassadors, the ones who spread the word for us, in turn get their people to believe in us too without our having to ask them. That's mostly because they can't help but gush about us.

Here's the irony of it all; you know how I said 99% of the world is always thinking about themselves? If that's true then why would they gush about us? Because the people who drip with excitement most thinking about us are the ones that WE gush over the most... to them!

Of course, the key is that you can't be full of shit. You can't do it geared towards what you're looking to get out of them; people smell bullshit from a mile away. But if you show genuine enthusiasm for someone else and who they are, what they do, then you fill them with a sense of importance. And every time they think of you thereafter they associate you and what you're doing with that same sense of importance. The more you matter, then the more they matter.

I'm famous for rubbing people the wrong way. It happened again just Saturday night, and so I've begun to look back and review all the ways to communicate better. You who read this know my heart better than most, but if you were to meet me in public without having done so would never know that this is how I really am. You would believe the exact opposite of me, that I'm a horrible human being. And that's the challenge facing us all.

You good people have taught me though that its in bearing my soul and making myself completely vulnerable that I show my true strength. But many of you have yet to learn that for yourselves, and fear can trap our souls behind a wall of pain.

Most of us are wrapped up in our own shit, too much to notice yours. But that doesn't mean that we don't care. So please, please, to my anonymous commenter, and everyone else, don't be afraid, come right out and say it. Tell me what's up and free yourself.

Or in the immortal words of Ronald Reagan
"Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!"

Later people!