Showing posts with label Monty Python. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Monty Python. Show all posts

December 28, 2011

The Turduckin was worth the wait....

It takes about eight hours to cook one of those bad boys, but what do you expect from a turkey that's been stuffed with a duck that's been stuffed with a chicken that's been stuffed with stuffing? To add a little extra to the mix, as if it needed anything more, we covered the birds with bacon, because everything is better with bacon. I put bacon in my cheerios. This is why people are so damn fat is this country.


We got a late jump on the cooking process and hadn't eaten a thing all day outside of a few dessert pastries. Not one of us had eaten. We were starting to get on each others nerves, now this is the kind of Christmas I'm used to, everyone getting on each others nerves.


"Shut Up! Shut Up!" I heard my buddy Anthony yelling at Ringo from the other room. My brother Ringo has his problems, he lacks the social graces that most people expect from others, and this has kept him from experiencing life the same way as the "normal" every day person, which in turn leads to more lack in social areas, and this is coming from me, a guy who pisses off pretty much every one that meets me.


But Ringo is also a great kid, a far better person than I've ever been, and while he shows very little fear and will just about punch anyone dead in the face without a moments thought if you rub his rhubarb wrong, he often overestimates his skill in certain areas, and needs to be protected in others. Ringo very well may have punched Anthony dead in the face, and he would have deserved it to, you don't tell another grown man to "Shut Up", much less yell it, unless you're a bully, a spoiled ass, or simply lack respect, so you get what's coming to you if it happens. Of course, Anthony would really put a hurting on my brother afterwards, which is something I wasn't going to allow. This whole thing could quickly tumble out of control, so I went in there.


Anthony is a pretty big guy, in good shape, and whether it was that or the fact that we were in The Man's house on Christmas and didn't want to cause trouble, Ringo simply put his game controller down and walked out of the room. He sat on the couch and didn't say anything the rest of the night, and he was the one who bought the bird.


It's good nothing went down like that, my broken wrist isn't right yet and I can't be getting into any freys, especially with friends of mine, but had it been that way I would have had something for him. You wouldn't know it from looking at me, but I grew up a fighter, and have since been trained to do certain things. A few months before I began writing this blog a few punks around the neighborhood also thought they'd get tough with my brother, three of them believed they were going to jump him and I wasn't going to do a thing about it. It didn't work out so well for them. And it wouldn't have for my friend either. In Anthony's mind right now he would destroy me if it were to get into that. In his mind.

Just like the punks in the street, he wouldn't have known what hit him. But then, No Body Expects the Spanish Inquisition!


But that's not what this was about. You have to understand, my buddy Anthony is a great guy too, you just have to know him. That's the same exact thing anyone would say about me, and he's definitely more main stream than I am. If you put it to the social test, the polls would agree with him and I'd be the one who's nuts. So its not about that, its the lesson in the day.

Adriana Lima

The Knick game was long over and there was no football this Sunday due to the holiday, so we were deep into hunger and boredom already when Anthony walked in. Ringo loves video games, and he likes to create characters in his wrestling game based on the characters from my first novel VPI: The Saga Begins and watch them fight it out. Personally I think wrestling is for fruits  and 12 year olds, but millions of guys everywhere can't get enough of the shit, and its Ringo's thing. Besides, its at least as entertaining as any of the other garbage that's on TV, and if he's enjoying it, if it makes him happy, then what do you care?


"WHAT IS THIS?" Anthony was screaming right away, "YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!" The Man and I didn't much care either way at that point, we were hungry and wrecked, but Anthony went on a twenty minute tirade ripping the entire affair apart for how ridiculous it was. I can't say he's wrong, the amount of things I'd rather do is probably incalculable. Of course, there Anthony was getting into it a few minutes later, at points cheering the action on before stepping back and tearing into it again. This is how it started, and the two of them didn't get along for the rest of the day.

Izabel Goulart

How often have you been ripped apart like that for doing something you enjoy, whatever it is? How often have you done it to others? This is how society gets you to conform. This is how individualism is stamped out. It can be so deflating to someone's spirit. Most people will hang their head and never do something they really enjoy because of it.

AH, but the self actualized person doesn't care. They just do what they do.


By the time the Turducken came out of the oven we were on edge, Ringo was obviously upset, and I felt bad for him. But when that bad boy hit the table it all went away. There wasn't a sound for a half an hour as the four of us devoured a meal that was meant for at least twice that many. Turduckin has so many flavors that its difficult to describe them all, so I won't even bother trying, the important thing is that it was so damn good that the irritation we had all felt just a short time before had magically melted away. We were all happy, having a good time once more.

The Turduckin was worth the wait.


Later on, after we left, I had to help pick up Ringo's spirits. I told him to remember, if you're into something then chances are someone else is into it to, so don't listen to what other people have to say about it. Sure enough, upon researching the subject we found that Playstation online has thousands upon thousands of characters for this wrastling game that others out there had to spent a ton of time with perfecting for others to use, things like a Bruce Lee that looks and fights just like the real guy. Youtube is full of video's that other people had made of their own characters fighting it out in the squared circle, just like Ringo likes to do with his time.


Sure enough, an activity that one guy sneered and turned his nose up at and attempted to tear down proved to be something so much bigger to so many others. My brother was validated once he found a circle of people that was just like him.

The lesson I'm getting at here is this: Don't listen to other people when they try to tear you down for who you are and what you do. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about yourself. As Louise Hay would say, "what other people think about you is none of your business". Chances are they have no idea what the hell they're talking about, and if you just do your thing, eventually others out there will appreciate it just as much as you do.

In some sad news, the Chimp who played Cheeta in Tarzan died at the age of 80.


"He could tell if I was having a good day or a bad day. He was always trying to get me to laugh if he thought I was having a bad day. He was very in tune to human feelings," Cobb was quoted as saying.

Ron Priest, a sanctuary volunteer, told the Tribune that Cheetah stood out because he could walk upright with a straight back like a human, and was distinguished by other talents.

"When he didn't like somebody or something that was going on, he would pick up some poop and throw it at them. He could get you at 30 feet with bars in between," Priest said.

Cheetah could walk like a man, had empathy and the will to make people happy, and could fling shit like a champ. What a Chimp! R.I.P.

Until Next time

Later People!

Join my fanpage John LaSota - Writer
Or our creative team's page The Mad Doser Presents

And if you need a healthy helping hand from a Personal Performance Consultant

September 26, 2011

IT DOESN'T MATTER!!!

A lot happened since last Thursday night, a lot of things that I can and probably should talk about, but as I took the train ride home from the city last night I was struck by an overwhelming feeling that's stuck with me now in the morning that.... IT DOESN'T MATTER.... what I talk about.


I think we all go through days like that once in a while, when it all just seems so mundane and we get caught up in our routines. I'll go to work doing something I don't really want to do, come home and eat some dinner, maybe watch a few shows I don't really care about, get into a couple of conversations about things I don't really want to hear and go to bed to do it all over again in the morning.


That's right buddy, What a Horror! This guy knows exactly what I'm talking about. That was my favorite part of living with my girlfriend and I think the reason behind why most guys get married, because none of it really matters, so you might as well have someone to eat that dinner and watch those shows with. And if it doesn't matter anyway, why go through all the pain in the ass details and hassels of finding someone new to do that crap with every night?



While we're on the subject, someone got the perfect image of my dream girl... look at that slender waist flowing into her perfectly round bottom... all brought together by her clown face! It doesn't matter that this is a cartoon, she's out there somewhere, she has to be. Who else would fall for a clown like me.....


And it doesn't matter that someone got this picture of a leopard making a dopey face.... because the picture was the only thing that made it back alive. After this shot was taken one of the fastest animals alive ran down the camera man... and ate him. You can't out run a leopard... what are you crazy?


Just like it doesn't matter that it's pouring out here. When you do your push ups in your draws anyway, no amount of rain is going to keep you from getting that workout in. Besides.... this way the sweat just washes right off. And you can tell she's been at it a long time, look at that perfect form. Her back would be completely straight if her ass wasn't so big.


Speaking of big asses, look at the size of Val Kilmer now. Somehow I doubt Iceman's going to be able to squeeze himself back in that cockpit. But it doesn't matter, he's Madmartigan, and he is great.


No matter where you are or what corner of the world you hail from, race, creed, color or religion, it doesn't matter. Men everywhere pray to the same altar.


Which is why it doesn't matter that they're standing in some random hallway, she's going to take her panties off anyway, and no one's going to say a damn thing about it. If anything, she'll be hailed as a goddess. Hell, that could be the back room at my beer distributor. These two were sent on a beer run, because another thing that doesn't matter is what these two look like or what they're taking off.... because somewhere there's some guy tired of nailing her....


You see. This guy couldn't take it anymore. What ever you have or don't have in life, you could have the most money in the world, the hottest wife, the coolest job, but it doesn't matter one bit if your god damned head explodes.


No sweetheart, that's not what you do with these things, you're not supposed to put your head through that. Let's be honest though, you're young, dumb, and I only bought this camera so that I could get girls like you up here alone and coerce you into making a mistake you'd regret for the rest of your life if you hadn't already found a way to justify it.... And it's working too... you've already got your legs spread, so it doesn't matter what you do with the damn picture frame.


That's no ordinary rabbit. That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on!
That rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide! It's a killer!

And if you don't get the joke I'm not going to try to explain it to you. It doesn't matter.


I have no idea who theses people are or what they're selling, but I doesn't matter. I don't care. I tell you over and over again there are two things I love, chicks beating the hell out of each other, and watching people get kicked.... so needless to say this just made my day. I have to get that frame off of that one girls head and put this in it, hang it on my wall....


Ole boy doesn't care if he gets caught with his tongue up another girls skirt, or if she tells him to get out of there or never returns his calls.... either way he's going to have someone playing with his nuts. Proving why it's so easy to get chicks when you already have one at home.... because it doesn't matter....


Uh... yeah... I don't even know where to go with this... but it doesn't matter..... because....


Because next up is a picture of cleavage for no good reason other than I like it. I probably should have cropped this picture and left her head out. Hell, her face could get ripped off by the monkey in that last shot and end up looking like the dude in the blue suit with his brains flying everywhere.... as long as there's cleavage it doesn't matter... you won't even notice.


She is the greatest fan... EVER! If we had one or two ladies like this at my softball games every week we'd never lose. In fact, seeing this has me inspired. I think we're going to have this happen one way or another. Of course, it could backfire completely. It could be a major distraction. "We had a game? What? I was lookin at her.... next to that who cares how we played, it doesn't matter!"


Sometimes a picture really does say it all, doesn't it? Ok, ok, so at this point today's blog has gotten out of control, and there's not much point in going on with something that's not going anywhere, so I'll leave it with this... whether you like it or not....


or what I think for that matter....

We spend so much time getting ourselves worked up and bent out of shape over anything and everything when in this cosmic spam we call life, none of it really matters anyway, only our experience and how much we enjoy it. Whether it's the Pope, the President, you or a bum in the street, we all wake up in the morning and try to scratch out our existence. If you're lucky you have a few good friends to have some beers with to blow off steam afterwards. And if you're REALLY lucky, you have someone special to go home to and share those experiences with. And then you have to wake up the next day and do it all over again.

In the end, that's all it really is.

Later People.


Join my fanpage John LaSota - Writer
Or our creative team's page The Mad Doser Presents

And if you need a healthy helping hand from a Personal Performance Consultant
Coach LaSota

August 4, 2011

BRING OUT YOUR DEAD!!!

Much like Amy Crackhouse and Steve Guttenberg's career, very unexpectedly I walked out of the house this morning to find my car battery dead, which has cut my time, and thus today's installment, short. Complacency is a problem only the comfortable suffer, and you only realize this when the shit hits the fan and disrupts your every day flow, which is why, as The Man would tell you, sometimes you need this. Fucked up things shake you out of the mundane daily exercise.

Mahoney almost never comes to mind unless I've been out doing way too much shit that no one is ever supposed to do and I start seeing Johnny 5 rolling around the streets. Short Circuit... HEH, you couldn't have picked a more perfect title; who'd have thought the same flik could take out Guttenberg and Ally Sheedy both? But this morning I find myself mourning the loss of the great Bubba Smith.


Who can forget this classic scene from Police Academy when Hightower tears the seat out of a small hatchback because it's the only way he can fit inside of it. It amazes me to no end how much attention people give when addicts, whores and scumbags in general are found in pools of their own puke, yet a man of this, uh, stature, is quickly dismissed with a simple, "huh!"

Bubba was a great college and pro football player before making a decent career acting, but the small roles he played had a huge impact. At least the first two Police Academy fliks were great, and impossible to imagine without Smith manning the Hightower!

But my best memory of Bubba Smith will always be the timeless classic Spare Tire Dixon from one of the greatest episodes of one of the greatest television shows of all time. Watch it right here.



YOU DIDN'T CROSS THE LINE BUNDY!!!

Ironically, this comes on the same day that it really hit me how much of an influence Married with Children had on my life. The writers of the show joked that they ran for 11 seasons on the same 5 jokes, but they deserve so much more credit for what an incredible job they did. I often tell people that I'm not really into much of anything, but whenever I happen across old re-runs it doesn't take long before I remember exactly which episode it is. You know every punchline that's coming and still manage to laugh you balls off every single time, no matter how often you see it.



Speaking of those that bought the farm recently, former NY Yankee pitcher Hideki Irabu offed himself about a week ago. George Steinbrenner called him a Fat Toad for being lazy, so of course I have to show a picture of Scott Brosius grabbing his tits, but everyone forgets that in 1998 and 1999 he put up two very solid seasons for World Championship teams, and if they had the chance today, the Yanks would gladly swap A.J. Burnett for him in a heartneat.

This this now the second Yankee that's died in my lifetime, but the reason this one in particular hurts is because before Irabu I had never in my life seen a pitcher bean a batter and then CHARGE THE PLATE! That shit was fuckin GREAT! I've been looking for video of that but so far have been unlucky. Once I get it though I'll be sure to give you a treat, and I don't mean the one in my pants.

For today, I'll cut it short here. It's sort of a sad note, not the haha funny I usually post, but one I felt I had to discuss. But I will leave you with another clip. The night I was born, while my mother was screaming in labor shittin me out, my old man sat in a movie theatre watching Monty Python and the Holy Grail. It became my favorite movie until I was about 16 and probably the biggest reason why I always wanted to write skit comedy. It probably also goes a long way of explaining why I'm so fucked in the head!


BRING OUT YOUR DEAD!!!

I'm not quite dead yet. I think I'll got for a walk.

Later People.