Thanks and appreciation

Yesterday I was talking about how easy it is to get yourself stuck in a negative spin that you can't get out of and why its so important at those times to start thinking about the things that you appreciate in your life in order to change your energy and put you into a positive frame of mind.

Well, with tomorrow being Thanksgiving I thought it would be a perfect time for me to talk about many of the things that I'm thankful for and appreciate. Don't get offended if you get left out though, I'm very thankful for my family, my friends, and you good fans that read me everyday and make this worth while.

 

I appreciate the fact that my dog Jack (short for Jackass!) looks just like Animal from the muppets. He came from a litter of 7, and while his brother and sisters all played together, all he ever did since he opened his eyes was sit at my feet and bark to sit on my lap. So he chose me.

After the ex left, when he was about 6 months old, he caught meningitis and almost died. He was in the hospital for weeks, and after a few thousand dollars it was a last effort guess when the neurologist and I were brainstorming that came up with the cure. After I got him home he slept on my neck for weeks.

 

This is Jack's mom, Leia, my other dog. She's the toughest 15lb dog I've ever heard of, spent more than 6 months in the desert of Nevada on her own before the girlfriend found her. How she survived I have no idea. She had all 7 of her babies right in my hand, and would let me do whatever I wanted to with the pups, but wouldn't even let the ex go near them. That should have told me all I needed to know right there. 

I had spent some time in some really dark places and I think these 2 dogs were the only thing that kept me going, so I'm very thankful for that, don't know what I'd do without them. 

 I love the small of a woman's back. There's something just right when your hand rests in the spot just above the round of her backside and you pull her close to you. I'm thankful for women that are soft and sweet, which I need to balance the manimal within me.



I really appreciate a good story, in any form. Its one of my favorite things. I also love baseball, Kevin Costner baseball movies, and great nicknames that last forever.

 

This is my Rotty Circe. There's something manly about having a dog, and I don't know that you can have a home without one. A dog is a sign that a man is coming home, because he may leave you, but there's no way he leaves his dog. I have a hard time believing that she's been gone for 5 years now, half the time I still feel her walking next to me, but I have so many great memories of her and could never imagine a better dog, or a better friend.

I appreciate a brilliant smile that can just light up the room from a beautiful woman, especially when its aimed at me. Sometimes, when you least expect it, an angel comes and lifts you up, and some people do that for everyone that they touch because their heart is so big it radiates. I'm glad I knew her.

Don't tase me Bro!

My God I can't tell you have much I appreciate this photo, or all the dumbasses in the world that give me something to laugh at. Life is the BEST! You just can't make this stuff up.

Mentors are so important, and I never really had one, but I'm really thankful for the one's that had to serve as such for me. I appreciate the fact that I was shown the path, that I was taught early that more luminous beings are we, not this crude matter, and that the force is with me.... always.

I appreciate Nick Nolte and all that he does. WE LOVE YOU NICK NOLTE!

I really love women, pretty much everything about them, so I appreciate the beauty of the female form

And I'm thankful for women that are down for anything

Especially when they're down for anything in bed, like sexy Kelly Brook here.

But there's nothing sexier than a woman who reads. I need a woman of intelligence; nothing stirs me up quite like intelligent conversation, so as much as I show off scantily clad ladies, there's nothing I appreciate more than when they show off their great big brains. 

If you look at this picture closely you can see, just above the trees, Death blowing something up towards the light, plain as day.

How great is it when you get something you never expected that just completely blows your mind? I'm thankful that there's something more out there, and great gods show themselves to us once and a while, just to remind us that they're there, and that we're not alone.

And I really appreciate Elvis! I love the King, and Graceland is a place you really have to visit at least once.

What's not to love about great trips with the fam? I love when I get the opportunity to be the crazy, over the top, fun loving lunatic I am when I'm comfortable being myself, and the people who accept me and let me be that way.

After this shot she said to me "Thanks for nothing Hatter!" in a sexy English accent. To this day I'm still unsure if she meant it as something out of the story or if I didn't do something for her that she was wanting me to do. But then, she could have just been English, that's what my experience with their women has been

Operation Fishbone was one of the best weekends of my life. It's an inside joke I guess, so here's to inside jokes then, and to the stupid shit you did when you were much younger that you'd never even consider now, but MAN did you have a good time doing it! Those are the things you laugh about forever, and how can you not be happy about those?

Thank God for heroes that you can relate to, crossing the line, cold sterile bathrooms and the nudey bar! Lets Rock!

I'm really thankful for that last trip, and those last days and months, and that special friend who takes you from one stage of your life into the next, but never really leaves you even when you can't see them anymore. And even more so, I couldn't be thankful enough for that smile on her face, and knowing that despite being blind, barely able to move and taking 2 shots a day just to keep her food down, she was still very happy until the end, and that I gave her a good life.

I really appreciate the guys on my softball team. For a long time I was the best player on a really bad team and it completely sucked, but I love playing ball too much to give it up. And as we got better it was with all the wrong kinds of people, grown men acting like babies, constant fighting and nonsense.

Now its hard to tell who the best player is, we're a championship caliber team and I expect to win every game. But the best part of it is that we all fit together really well. This is the best team and the best group of guys I've ever played with, and its an interesting collection of people if you take a look, but we make it work. They make playing ball a lot of fun again and I couldn't be happier about that.

Bacon, country fried steak, good coffee, sweet tea, biscuits and gravy, country cooking..... CRACKER BARREL!!! What's not to love?

I love pictures that say it all. That's the Man back there with his finger up, you know of him from our many adventures, and the girl in front is the Ex. This is the first time I showed a picture of her. I wasn't with her for looks, but because we got along really well and I trusted her more than anyone. We all know how that turned out.

But I'm thankful for my time with her, and more thankful for the things it taught me, which include never settle for anyone, and if your closest friends and your brother hate your girl, there's probably something wrong there that you can't or won't see.

I appreciate positive role models that always show you how its supposed to be done, and do it the right way. And I'm very thankful that my childhood hero never let me down.

I really appreciate the unique talents and fine acting skills of my favorite living on screen star Monique Alexander. She never disappoints me.

That's Patrick Wayne, son of one of my idols, John Wayne, with me on one side and my dear mother on the other. She was so nervous going to talk to him that she couldn't do it, so I had to go over for her and make sure she got a picture. That was a great day, and I'm very thankful that I was there for it.

I really love being able to sit around in my underwear doing nothing but watchin TV all day.

And I love the greatest love story of all time, my favorite movie with my favorite actor.

Here's lookin at you kid!

What can be more manly than a good fire? And what's better than some good friends, some good music and good beer around that fire? I appreciate the beauty of moments like that, and I'm thankful for the times I've been able to do it.

And thank God I'm a Yankee Fan!

Wow! All this to be thankful for and I'm just getting started. I can be at this all day if I really got deep into it, and I bet you can say the same thing if you really stop to think about all the things you love in your life.

But mostly, I want to thank you for being here, and spending part of your day with me every morning.

And now that Thanksgiving will soon be behind us... its time to get ready for Xmas!

Later People

A Real Man... A Great Man... and the Man Cave!

The countdown begins at 11.

Igloo and the Big Man stopped by last night for a few hours, we got a good fire going and chilled out in the yard. There's nothing more manly than building a good fire with the guys, knocking down a few and shooting the shit, is there?

I'm half way through the classic relationship book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus by Dr. John Gray and there are a few points that he really nails that men and women everywhere should always keep in mind. Hey, there's usually a reason something becomes a classic, right? I touched on it in my piece titled "Where Everybody Knows Your Name...." , and I think everyone needs their special place, but for men it's an absolute necessity to have that place we can retreat to and be left alone, away from our problems, and just be guys. In a sense, it allows us to reset ourselves, recharge, and get back into the fight.

You know what I'm talking about. The Man Cave.

Us guys are really simple creatures, and aside from the NEED to get laid (yes, it IS a need for guys, biological function, it's how we're built) there are three essentials that no guy anywhere can ever do without if he's going to feel like a real man and have any hope for happiness. The Man Cave is an integral part in that, and I'll explain why.

Now there's a Man Cave I'd like to get into!

The first Manly essential is the need to feel like a Man, the need to feel great. We all know how that shows itself, its how we fight and argue and compete over everything. Its why we beat our chests like Gorilla's and show off, because we want to show the world I AM A MAN.... and I am GREAT!

And what's the absolute best way to show the rest of the world that you're are, in fact, a Great Real Man?

There she is... or someone like her. And if we can't beat our chests a little, find some way to stand out and show the rest of the guys, "screw you pal, I'm a man too damn it!" well, we feel like less than a man. And less than a man is no man at all. And if you're not a man, then what do you have? Nothing, that's what.

MacGyver is the Man, isn't he? I once saw him build a bomb out of a paper clip, a metal pail and a block of ice. This guy can figure out how to solve anything. And that's what makes him the man, because the second essential that all men have is the need to fix everything. There's a problem? What problem? I got this!

There are always issues, challenges to face, things that have to be done. Men pride themselves on always getting it done, being that go to guy. We want the final shot. We want to be able to take care of everything. Don't worry, I've got this, and have everyone trust us that we do have it under control. As guys, when we're not thinking about how to get laid, we're trying to solve all the problems of everyone we know. Because Great Real Men get it done... and I'm going to show you how! Take away a man's ability to fix things and he might as well be a....

WHOA! You wanted to build a fire.... NOW THAT'S A FIRE! Now I've got to go figure out how to beat my....

But the third thing that all guys have is an essential that flies under the radar and most women never seem to understand, despite the fact that this one is something they should know all too well themselves.

All men everywhere need to feel like they're Real Men, Great Men, right now just by being themselves. Not when we have the right job, not when we have the right house, the big bank account, or we're groomed enough to be showed off to the friends like some damned show pony. We want all of those things for ourselves anyway, but only because they let us get the best toys. And all guys love having new toys....

But let's face it, where in the outside world can a guy go without the constant pressure of "you have to BE more", "you have to HAVE more", "you have to BE better"..... the entire reason we all beat our chests so much is because since the beginning of time ladies like the ones in the pictures up above have been telling us that we have to do all of these things to be "GOOD ENOUGH" to give us the time of day.... but that's the furthest thing from what any guy actually wants....

The guys.... our boys... are the ones that couldn't give a damn about any of that. Amongst each other, we're all MEN, and we're all great, especially when we're farting, belching, and all the other nasty things we do that are still just as funny now as they were at 10 years old. We don't have to be more. We don't have to change for each other, be better. In fact, if someone tries to change... CHANGE? What are you fuckin crazy?! What do you want to go and do that for?

You show me a Man that allows others in kind to gather, a Man who makes it known that you're a Real Man, a Great Man picking your nose and scratching your balls just by drinking that beer and oogling those hooters no matter where you have the stains on your shirt or what condition the car you rode in on.... just like God intended.... And I'll show you a leader of men, a Man other MEN will follow anywhere....

The Man Cave is essential for that. It's a place where MEN can come together and retreat from the world that forces us to beat our chests. Instead, we're free to drink those beers, and scratch our balls, and fart, and be perfect just being who we are, far away from anyone that wants to change us. It's a place where we're free to play with our toys, and figure out all the answers to all of the pressing problems of the world, tackle the important issues like how to fire rockets from remote control helicopters, or...

How to get her to serve us drinks naked while we play cards....

You show me a Man without a Man Cave and I'll show you one who's depressed. And that's a fact. And for you ladies, a word of advice.... if you don't let your Man spend time in his Man Cave... he'll only retreat to the Man Cave in his mind. And then you'll never get him out.

Just like the need to always feel like Real Men, Great Men never goes away, neither does our need for our Man Cave. Its our place in the world where we're always Men! No matter what the circumstances.

In fact, since it was a book on relationships that brought all this up I'll let you ladies in a little secret, and the guys can tell me if this is wrong.... But no man is every ready for marriage until he's tired of beating his chest. And the one and only thing that tells us guys that YOU are the one... is when you let us know we don't have to... because you make us feel like Real Men.... Great Men.... just the way we are.

Of course, it always helps if you let us turn the house into the Man Cave and serve us drinks naked....

Thanks babe... I think I'll stay in tonight.... and maybe try some of that honey....

Later People

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BRING OUT YOUR DEAD!!!

Much like Amy Crackhouse and Steve Guttenberg's career, very unexpectedly I walked out of the house this morning to find my car battery dead, which has cut my time, and thus today's installment, short. Complacency is a problem only the comfortable suffer, and you only realize this when the shit hits the fan and disrupts your every day flow, which is why, as The Man would tell you, sometimes you need this. Fucked up things shake you out of the mundane daily exercise.

Mahoney almost never comes to mind unless I've been out doing way too much shit that no one is ever supposed to do and I start seeing Johnny 5 rolling around the streets. Short Circuit... HEH, you couldn't have picked a more perfect title; who'd have thought the same flik could take out Guttenberg and Ally Sheedy both? But this morning I find myself mourning the loss of the great Bubba Smith.

Who can forget this classic scene from Police Academy when Hightower tears the seat out of a small hatchback because it's the only way he can fit inside of it. It amazes me to no end how much attention people give when addicts, whores and scumbags in general are found in pools of their own puke, yet a man of this, uh, stature, is quickly dismissed with a simple, "huh!"

Bubba was a great college and pro football player before making a decent career acting, but the small roles he played had a huge impact. At least the first two Police Academy fliks were great, and impossible to imagine without Smith manning the Hightower!

But my best memory of Bubba Smith will always be the timeless classic Spare Tire Dixon from one of the greatest episodes of one of the greatest television shows of all time. Watch it right here.

YOU DIDN'T CROSS THE LINE BUNDY!!!

Ironically, this comes on the same day that it really hit me how much of an influence Married with Children had on my life. The writers of the show joked that they ran for 11 seasons on the same 5 jokes, but they deserve so much more credit for what an incredible job they did. I often tell people that I'm not really into much of anything, but whenever I happen across old re-runs it doesn't take long before I remember exactly which episode it is. You know every punchline that's coming and still manage to laugh you balls off every single time, no matter how often you see it.

Speaking of those that bought the farm recently, former NY Yankee pitcher Hideki Irabu offed himself about a week ago. George Steinbrenner called him a Fat Toad for being lazy, so of course I have to show a picture of Scott Brosius grabbing his tits, but everyone forgets that in 1998 and 1999 he put up two very solid seasons for World Championship teams, and if they had the chance today, the Yanks would gladly swap A.J. Burnett for him in a heartneat.

This this now the second Yankee that's died in my lifetime, but the reason this one in particular hurts is because before Irabu I had never in my life seen a pitcher bean a batter and then CHARGE THE PLATE! That shit was fuckin GREAT! I've been looking for video of that but so far have been unlucky. Once I get it though I'll be sure to give you a treat, and I don't mean the one in my pants.

For today, I'll cut it short here. It's sort of a sad note, not the haha funny I usually post, but one I felt I had to discuss. But I will leave you with another clip. The night I was born, while my mother was screaming in labor shittin me out, my old man sat in a movie theatre watching Monty Python and the Holy Grail. It became my favorite movie until I was about 16 and probably the biggest reason why I always wanted to write skit comedy. It probably also goes a long way of explaining why I'm so fucked in the head!

BRING OUT YOUR DEAD!!!

I'm not quite dead yet. I think I'll got for a walk.

Later People.

Peacocks DO fly! And.... it could always be worse.

Look at what I started! Maybe it's just the Reticular Activating System, but Peacocks are everywhere, and they're running wild!

This guy escaped from the Central Park Zoo the other day to perch himself up on a 5th floor window in Manhattan. Don't be the only one left on the block. Come hide with the herd and float with the flock....

I can't say what's going on with me, but I've been a special kind of asshole lately, snapping for no reason, getting on people's asses, it's not good. Whatever it is I constantly have to remind myself that it could always be worse. Now, I am a certified life coach and NLP practitioner, so I've done countless hours of research on positive thinking and all of that, and I do believe in it to an extent, but part of that is also appreciating what you have. Years ago I had gotten majorly depressed and lost about 35 pounds in a 2 week span, probably could have gotten really sick. What got me out of it was watching episodes of Party of Five, where every week Charlie got ball cancer or Neve Campbell got pregnant by some random stranger... or Scott Wolf found himself torn between smoking hot Amanda Beckett (Jennifer Love HugeTits) or that little boy he's had his eye on, and listening to The Cure over and over again.

Of course, if any of my buddies had come down into my basement dungeon apartment at the time and seen what I was up to they would have burned me on that. "Dude, what the fuck are you watching? And who the hell is crying on the radio? No wonder you want to kill yourself!" Still though, every week I would look at those people and say to myself, shit, it could always be worse... I could have ball cancer. And it's been a philosophy I've tried (though not always successfully) to keep in mind as I bang through life's daily bullshit.

That Lacy Chabert got really

fuckin hot, huh?

 Speaking of being that special kind of asshole, I was watching chicks fight again last night, MMA this time, if you can call it that. This one had a really hot body, and kept getting into these ridiculous positions that made you want to grab your shit. But every time she picked her head up her face looked like Warwick Davis.

I can't say there's anything about the idea of banging Willow that gets me hard. Could you imagine being in the middle of it with her, she looks up at you, lust in her eyes screaming "You ARE great!". I wouldn't know whether to shit or wind my watch.

But no matter what you're going through you always have to think about the things that you do have, and if that still has you sitting on the couch with your head in your hands like the Great Al Birdy crying "Oh God, I can't wake up!" remember... you could always be this guy!

And if that doesn't work just be happy that you don't have ball cancer. And if you DO have ball cancer, just be happy that it's not cock cancer. And if you've got cock cancer, accentuate the positive...

"Ah shit dude, you got Cock Cancer? That fucking sucks"
"Maybe so, but look of the SIZE of this thing now"

You see, it's just one big world of shit, and we're all wrapped up in it. There aint nobody clean! So it's all about making the best of a shitty situation, like this guy

Or maybe that's a woman, I can't tell. But it's a nice sunny day, she's got herself a seat in the shade, relaxing, and enjoying herself a beer. What more could a fella possibly want out of life? But if that's not enough for you, you're day can't possibly be worse than this guy's in the video you're about to watch and absolutely HAVE to see...

All I can say is better him than me. Shit, I don't know about you, but my day just got a whole hell of a lot better.

Special thanks to Scotty and Robinson for all of your help with today's post. As my closest friend from college so beautifully put it... you'll always be that special kind of asshole to me!

Don't be the only one left on the block
Hide with the herd
Float with the flock

Later people!