Love Triangles and what only comes with Experience....

I wonder if I should be disturbed by the fact that I can tell what movie someone is watching on the computer behind me just by the sound of the voices, not even by what they're saying. I probably watch too many damn movies.

I was in a pissy mood for much of the afternoon because of an argument I never wanted to get into. A lady friend has herself a new boyfriend, and since that's happened I've been distant and she couldn't understand why.

How do you write your women so well?

I think of a man, then I take away

accountability and reason

Five times it's happened to me, women that I spoke to all day everyday about everything completely cut me off once they got themselves a new boyfriend. Five times. Somehow it actually makes things worse that none of these women were people that I was interested in. They were all girls that I had dated before hand and for whatever reason we were just better when we weren't. It's the only thing that's kept me from being Ducky.

The truth of the matter is that they did exactly what SHOULD be done. You (and by that I mean the ladies) can't have that kind of relationship with one guy while you're dating another. All of those things, talking about your problems, cards and crap to cheer you up, flowers just to make you smile.... that's your boyfriends job. There's no room for two roosters in that hen house. And if you can't turn to your man for those things, well, that's your problem, you chose poorly, and you shouldn't be with him.

At the end of the day, whatever you want to call it, when one thing begins another thing ends. That's the circle of life. When we're young our friends are our lives. As we get older and it's time for wives and husbands, we just don't have as much time for beers and bullshit anymore; those relationships with our old friends have to change. And when the kids come there's barely enough time for wives and husbands. That's just the way it is; natural progression.

No matter how you chalk it up, a girl trying to keep the guy friend and the boyfriend wants to have her cake and eat it too, and it's not fair to either of them. It doesn't work for more reasons than there's space to list here, and eventually someone, if not all three of you, is going to get emotionally mangled over the whole affair. It's simple social dynamics, and why so many of the tragedies in literature from the beginning of time centered around the love triangle.

One of the coolest things about getting older, I've always felt, was the day that I began to understand my parents and the things that they did while I was growing up. Not that they did the right thing, but that I had experienced enough life to see why they may have thought their actions were best at the time. And just like them trying to explain it to 15 year old me, there's just no way that I could make that particular girl understand what I was getting at before, why I was backing away. There are just some things that you can only truly know from having lived through it. And just no way of teaching these to others if they haven't, which is why teenagers think they know everything until they hit their 20's. And 20 somethings swear they know it all until they hit their 30's, and so on and so forth.

It's crazy to think about, but it really did hit me last night, now that I'm in my mid- 30's (and any of you there with me will relate) I really am at a different level than most anyone still in their 20's. And when you've lived a hard life like I have, as opposed to those fortunate enough to have had the Cancun resort vacations with their friends twice a year and Brooklyn rooftop parties every weekend, that level of experience becomes an entirely different animal, because there's a place mired in that grimey underbelly of hard knocks that age alone won't get; the kind you only know when life stomped its foot down on your throat and refuses to take it off. Trying to get people at lower levels of experience to understand what you're saying, where you're coming from, and that you know what you're talking about because you've seen it over and over again is as futile a gesture as me trying to read Chinese. Especially if they are those 20 somethings with the Cancun vacations and out there "living life man", because they know everything, they won't listen. Just like your parents, the only thing you can do is step back and say "Alright then, drop that TV on your head you little bastard!", and wait for them to reach the day that they've experienced enough to understand you.

And so here I am finding the real challenge that I'm facing, and I bring this up because many of you right now are experiencing the very same thing, and it also brings us full circle. I hadn't realized it because of where I was at the time, but I quietly slipped into that stage where it's time for wives and husbands, as have most of my friends. A 20 something told me a few months back, "what about you, you've gotten old and you're not even that old yet", but that isn't it at all, rather I've gotten to a place where getting drunk and puking on my self, staying out all night and dragging my ass into work the next day has lost its luster and my minds focus, my heart, has turned to other things. Things like family; things like legacy; and we all make that transition eventually.

But as your friends get married and have kids, as they make that transition themselves, the pool begins to dwindle. And with the economy the way it is, many of us are right back to the same situation we were in back in our 20's, broke and struggling to find good work, unsure if you're ever going to be able to pay those bills and find your way to the mountain top. So you're left hanging between 2 worlds, being the old guy at the bar with the 20 somethings who really can't get where you're coming from (or rarely at least) even if they tried and are still in that party stage anyway, or the ones on your level, who are scarce and hard to meet as it is, that are either looking for a stability that you can't give them, or are where they are and available because they're a complete train wreck of a human being.

I guess I'm of the train wreck variety if I'm honest with myself. The curse is that I'm self aware enough to realize it. Which only adds more obstacles to this minefield.

So I write this for all of you who are feeling out of place in the world right now, those who feel like the boat has left and you're not on it....

You're not alone out there.

I may not have the answers for you... I may not have them for myself... but we can find them together.

Later People! 

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