Where Peacocks Dare! 2011 Full Reboot! Part 1

Back when I was teaching I used to make my kids write in their journal everyday, and each week they were supposed to go back and read what they had written, and what they were thinking, in order to see how they could improve. The exercise wasn't just to make them better writers, but to show them where they had been, and how far they had come, so that maybe, just maybe, they might also become better people.

Well, its high time I took my own medicine. So today I'll be presenting my mind as I was in 2011, uncut, unedited, and without having filter, so that we can all read back and see a human being as a whole. I'm sure there will be plenty of times when I make an ass of myself here, have no idea what I'm talking about, and am completely off base, proving that I'm immensely ridiculous. Just as often I'll be wise and compassionate, entertaining, and full of useful knowledge as well. 

I present it in two parts as the file size is too large to do otherwise. This is who I am. I hope you enjoy!

I Need to Fly On this One!


This morning I woke up with an overwhelming urge to look around at myself and scream WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING?! So I guess this is as good a point to start this all off as any. For now though, I'll spare you the gorey details and just get into it.

HOW DO YOU REPLACE A LEGEND?

I'm not talking about Derek Jeter here, though I'll come back to that, I'm talking about the fabled "Chinese Kid".

If you know me well, you no doubt have heard countless tales of wonder; his sucking the marrow out of pork bones, chewing bananas across our small table with his mouth wide open, chunks falling out, wearing the same clothes every day and not wiping his ass (you don't want to know how I know...). Well, he's leaving at the end of the week, moving on to graze, and I do mean graze, in greener pastures, hopefully out in the air where no one has to smell him.

But much like that last girl you were fucking, who was such a cunt she gave new meaning to the word, when they move on, how does anyone hope to come in and fill you with that utter sense of worthlessness? Who do you get to stare at and declare "Oh god, this is what my life has become!"?

So here's to all you legends in our lives, the ones whom we remember forever, that never really leave our hearts and minds. I know, one day, when I hear a random sound that makes me want to kill, or catch the rise of some foul stench that twists my guts into dry heaving despair; when I see some bitch so nasty her boyfriend should be legally obliged to drag her through the streets behind a van, I will think of you... and wonder if you're dead yet!

WE ALL SHIT THE SAME WAY....

well, maybe not, but we all have to shit.

I glanced over to my right upon walking out of the port-o-potty and saw The Man leaving his own stall when a really nice looking girl in a white dress darted through the door behind him. He stopped, staring back in wide eyed amazement at the shit house he had just vacated.

"She didn't come out" he said to me as I approached, a hint of real horror in his voice, which was shocking enough. The Man actually seemed to care.

"What the fuck did you do?" I asked. It had to be bad

"I didn't do anything.... but she didn't come out" he reiterated. "Someone took the biggest shit I've ever seen on that toilet seat."

We stood there for at least ten minutes and the girl never did come out.

The next morning I go to take a leak, it was the last day of Superball and no one was cleaning these bathrooms, so you had be selective, and by that I mean keep checking for one someone HADN'T shit all over (there were some interesting designs, one left on the seat looked like a hamburger). Sure enough, I returned to the scene of the previous nights crime, a turd on the toilet... the biggest turd I had ever seen in fact... and it looked just like a loaf of wheat bread.

20 minutes later when I returned to camp, some fool was screaming at the top of his lungs "The humanity, that's the biggest turd I've ever seen" By then it had taken on a life of it's own.

Ever since I heard that fool screaming one thought has been repeating over and over again in my head... no, not how did someone shit out of loaf of bread (I have to believe that they arranged it that way, like a mud pie, carefully constructed with loving care... by hand), there's no way in hell that really nice looking girl didn't sit on that turd. There's no way she didn't walk out of there with someone else's human shit all over her white dress.

So here's the uplifting, inspirational thought of the day... no matter how perfect a person may seem, or how much better someone may think they are than anyone else, we all have to shit, we'll do almost anything, deal with the nastiest conditions to take care of that, and finally.... we all get shit on sometimes....

WELCOME - WHERE PEACOCKS DARE!

So what the hell am I talking about, and what's the point of all of this?

Four years ago, while living in Las Vegas, I came home to find my girlfriend had taken half of our shit and taken off on me. I never really dealt with it, instead putting my head down and getting to work in an effort to keep on keeping on. In that time I've written two books, A Loaded Portrait and VPI The Saga Begins, earned my degree in Social Science with a concentration in education and a minor in psychology, and become a certified Neuro-Linguistic Programming practitioner. I spent all my time studying how people learn and why we do the shit that we do, to ourselves and each other.

While I've accomplished some amazing things in that time (without the financial success, unfortunately, so click the damn adds on the page so I can get paid) I also nearly lost myself completely in the process as well. As someone I recently knew biblically had told, me just before cutting me off, "You had better start living or I'll beat you!" And now I'm trying to do just that.

But if the business of writers is to write... then I had better get at that also. SO... here we are together. I have no idea of what's out there anymore, and I'm going to be taking you with me as I find it. Whatever I'm doing, whatever I'm thinking about, whatever I think is cool (or sucks hairy moose balls) I'm going to let you know about it in the way that only I can. And any suggestions you may have are more than welcome. So follow me... WHERE PEACOCKS DARE!

"I'M A COME PEACOCK CAPTAIN, YOU GOTTA LET ME FLY ON THIS ONE!"

SUPERBALL

I've already mentioned Superball, the three day festival with Phish in Watkins Glenn, NY over the forth of July weekend. I had the pleasure of spending said weekend camping out with two of my best friends in the world and thirty thousand hippies in all their saucy glory. If you don't know Phish do yourself a favor and check them out. I know maybe five songs, yet have seen them eight times and now gone to a festival. Great music and a crowd that reminds me of the parties at Oklahoma State (before I got tossed) is always a recipe for a good time, and this weekend was no exception. Bacon cooking across the grill accentuated the sights of young girls in bikinis showering themselves in the hand faucets right in front of our camp site. They were probably the only ones that showered. Thank god for the smell of bacon fat.

A forty year old man screams out "Wonder Woman? That's my childhood fantasy!" as the crowd is pushing it's way towards the show one afternoon. There's someone sitting on the side of the path dressed as Wonder Woman. "OH, that was bad!" the man quickly blurts before putting his head down, briskly walking away. Wonder Woman was sitting there with her father; she couldn't have been more than twelve years old.- SUPERBALL!

We decided to get away from the masses a little bit that afternoon, and it took us some time to realize that we were in the family section doing the exact sort of thing, for hours at that point, that all the little kids playing ball around us had no doubt been told many times to stay away from. You'll learn I'm such a positive role model. I couldn't have been happier for it, as I was privy to the most romantic moment of the weekend. A man with his wife and kids turned to his beloved, telling her sweetly, "There's nothing I'd rather do, on my birthday, than make YOU happy.... do me a favor... SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Now THAT's love!- SUPERBALL!

Some jackass parades around with a TV on his head covered in protest signs and nonsense when the call of a profit rings out to him through the night air... "Eat shit and die, FREAK!"- SUPERBALL!

It was a four day bender that hasn't stopped yet... and a good time for all, though most of the details still remain a blur... just ask me about my brownies!

And that is how peacocks take flight... completely fucked up!

RATS!

A few weeks ago I arranged a secret meeting with an absolutely beautiful woman. We met late at night, just the two of us in a random, unsdisclosed parking lot in Long Island, where this stunner was more than happy, ecstatic even, to give me her.... RATS! Only I would have something like that happen. It was an event as random and strange as that parking lot, the girl, who is making strides as an actress and model and goes by the name Lauren Francesca was making a spoof video involving her furry friends had to do something with them afterwards Being a major animal lover (and as misunderstood as rats are) it was an easy match; I had to take them.

For years I've used the name "Milo Hanginbawlsak", you may have even seen it come up, so when she told me "the big one's name is Milo... you can tell it's him from his huge nuts" you can imagine how I've been laughing my huge nuts off ever since.

So I did some research the next day because of how very odd the whole incident was and it turns out that in nearly every ancient culture, Rats are a sign of good luck, prosperity, and the removal of obstacles. And ever since things have been coming together.

The signs are always there... you just have to be willing to see them.

YOU SHOULD CHECK OUT...

I caught Emily Forst for the first time playing at The Bitter End in the Village the other night and I have to say I'm better for it. She really kicked ass during that set, and she's just as good as any female artist I've heard lately, so if she keeps doing her thing she'll be on her way and you should definitely check her out. Emily did a version of "hallelujah" that's been stuck in my head ever since, in a good way, and an original of her own that she had played just before hand hit me exactly right. Beyond that, I hadn't been in The Bitter End in years and had forgotten how very cool a place it really is. Every time I tried to leave the next artist made me sit back down, grab another beer, chill and enjoy the music. For a $5 cover you can't beat it.

Want to laugh your ass off? Make sure to give a listen to TMCtheShow. These are some VERY funny fuckers right here, and they're more outrageous than any of the bullshit you've been wasting your time with lately. The site looks good too.

TAKE A LOOK AROUND THIS PAGE!

There are a bunch of things around like links, popluar YouTube Videos, a picture slideshow and a poll. We have some feeds at the bottom of the page too. Check back often and let me know what's up. I'll be doing this every other week or so for now.

You have something going on you want me to talk about, tell me about it.

I never did get back to Derek Jeter, did I? Fuck it, next time.

Click the ads, I need the money damn it.

Captain America Sucks Ass and the Greatest Knockout EVER!!!

Due to the ball sweltering heat this past weekend (not to be confused with Ball Swallows, which I've been mistakenly calling Roland Orzabal, lead singer for Tears for Fears for years now), I took the perfect opportunity to get back into one of the great loves I have, which is of course the movies. I watched a ton of them the last few days now. So I caught Thursday night's midnight showing of Captain America at the Atlas Park Mall and the horrid experience quickly reminded me of every reason that I stopped going to the theater in the first place. But I'll get back to that in a minute because first I have to show you....

THE GREATEST KNOCKOUT EVER!!!

Way back in 2004 I was sitting in my closet of a bedroom flipping through the channels on my tiny bullshit television when I came across a boxing match. Now, one of my favorite things in the world is watching chicks beat the fuck out each other, it ranks right along with people getting kicked. So when I happened across this fight I had to see what was going to happen. Out comes this small black woman walking up to a massive white chick looking every bit like Apollo Vs. Ivan Drago (and if you don't get that reference, fuck off!), except Drago's wearing the American flag trunks this time around. No way this little lady (she aint no lady, folks) has a fuckin chance in hell until, sure enough, she unloads a massive haymaker and catches that big bitch right on the button. Her legs crumble and she goes down in a heap. IT WAS THE SHIT!!!

I was screaming from that shot, the woman's eye's rolled in the back of her head, that shit was GREAT! But when I tried telling people about it they couldn't appreciate it's beauty, because I had no idea who the fuck it was in that fight, afterall, who gives a shit who the chicks are pounding on each other as long as there are two broads slugging it out, right? For years I'd been kicking myself over it, wishing I could see that punch one more time, with no hope of ever finding out who it was. How many women boxing fans are there really? Hell, the whole damn sport is dying, right?

But that was until Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel, Gumble, Gumble (as Dennis Miller would say) aired a special on a tough as nails female boxing trainer by the name of Ann Wolfe, and let me tell you, she's a BAD bitch! (But I wouldn't say that shit to her face, she'll fuck me up!)

And to my glee, my great joy, they replayed the clip of the GREATEST KNOCKOUT EVER! You have to see this!

How awesome is this shot? Look at her eyes!

She got knocked the FUCK OUT!

Ok, so maybe laughing at people getting kicked makes me an asshole, but it's just one of many reasons. I've always said you've got to go with your strengths, and I'm damn good at it. The BEST is when people get kicked in the face, and fuck you if you're not into that, because just like getting hit by a bus or blasted into a million pieces by the 4:05 train, how the fuck did you not see that coming? Think about it, no matter what the situation, however you got yourself in a position to get kicked in the face, you did it to yourself. You deserve that shit!

I'm going to try and keep these things short and sweet for you from now on, and besides, I've got to go jerk off, and that might take all night (I've been sitting on my hand for the last hour, gives it a different feel, ya know?)

CAPTAIN AMERICA SUCKS ASS PART DEUX!!! really this time

Ok, so I had meant to get into telling why you shouldn't be getting your hopes up or expecting anything at all from the new Cap flik before I got side tracked, so here it goes. And if you're reading thing through an RSS feed, it's just come to my attention that the video's may not be popping up for you. Go to the main page for that, it'd be a shame to miss the shit I put up here.

This is the coolest shot from the entire thing. You can check it out from the official site here: Captain America

I'm a huge fan of the character and was really looking forward to seeing this shit, hence the Thursday night midnight showing, and I left the theater with a bad taste in my mouth rivaling the wine bottle cork in the ass experience I used to give my customers in Vegas, but that's a tale for another time.

It seems that every time I go to see a midnight show there's some kind of major fuck up that ruins the entire thing. I guess running a projector is too difficult a task for some people, or maybe they were sucking dick and playing games up there, which at least would be a good excuse for why my $18 movie had the sound cut out over long stretches 3 god damned times. It's shit like this that makes malls like Atlas park completely tank when the only attraction in the place can't get their shit together. Maybe that's why I hated it so much, maybe it was just the Disney touch, I don't know, but there was definitely some Mickey Mouse bullshit going on.

I guess the effect that they were going for was the cheesy, campy style flik that we got in wonders such as Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow  and The Phantom. The problem is that those movies licked the back of my sweaty nutsack too. In defense of the film makers, if you've ever read the original Captain America stuff it's all just as campy, which I guess is what they were going for. The problem is that it nevers works when they try to make movies that way, you end up shelling out good money that you'd have been better off using up in that projection booth or behind some back alley dumpster with a $3 whore. And when all the trailors make it look like a gritty war film... well, this was way off the mark.

Once Cap gets his power the story jumps from one thing to another without any attempt to build a story at all beyond "Hey, we've got to get that cocksucker!" Maybe if they had put it that way, or shown 7 boobs, 3 butts and explosions ala Joe Bob Briggs (now THAT guy is god damned genius Gump!), I'd have been into it more. The CGI was absolutely horrible. It reminded me another shit slop, which was the 2005 King Kong. That mess had entire scenes where it looked to me like shit rolling down hill.

On the bright side though, it wasn't a total loss. The cast was great and did everything that they could with this pile. Hugo Weaving was incredible as the Red Skull, who just looked insane, and Tommy Lee Jones was outstanding. There were also a good amount of funny one liners, and there were times when I got chills down my spine seeing Captain America on screen, reminding me of what it means to be a true leader (Other than my mouth, I'm a fuckin boy scout).

Maybe I'll appreciate this more when it comes out on video, which is what I recommend you wait for to see it, but the 1990 Captain America starring Ned Fuckin Beatty was a better movie. And if you disagree, then maybe you should take a good hard look at yourself and your taste, because you're the fuckin problem, the real reason hollywood won't even attempt to make a good film to save my cancerous left nut! They don't have to cause you're an idiot.

SQUEEL LIKE A PIG FUCKFACE!

SKANKS.... Amy Winehouse and Britney Spears.... Ask and ye shall receive

So Amy Winehouse is dead.... GOOD! Skanks and crackheads are found dead behind dumpsters everyday, but you never hear anyone cry because some slob got bound and suffocated in garbage bags for refusing to suck some dude's cock after snorting all of his coke; refused her obligations in what I like to call Blow for Blow. Amazing how the tears well up and the love is showered down on the same type of piece of shit because they're somewhat famous. Meanwhile, these fuckin people need to be crackheads and skanks and whatever else. The very demons that drive them through that glass table, forcing the Olsen Twins to flush the rest of the stash in the toilet behind them is the very thing that fuels their art, the very thing you assholes love them for in the first place. Besides... could you imagine Jimi Hendrix alive now? He'd be in a back alley sucking dick for coke too!

Speaking of people swirling down life's long toilet towards, well, that aint the light... it's only a matter of time before Lindsey Lohan wraps herself into a tree. I thought she'd be perfect for this next spot, but she hadn't done anything really worth mentioning lately, much less set up what I had wanted to go with. I didn't know what to do, and then it happened....

ASK AND YE SHALL RECEIVE!

I needed a celebrity to go on a tirade, showing us all how fucked in the head these douchebag's can really be, put themselves into our trainwreck of life hall of fame, but it wasn't coming. Until finally Uncle Fester over here made her triumphant return

Do you remember when Britney Spears was so damn hot (and innocent, lol) that every red blooded male with a pulse would have lined up like a 12 year old at a Harry Potter sighting to shell out millions just to de-flower her? How the mighty have fallen! Now she's such a dirty pig that her former body guard is sueing her for trying to coerce him into sex. Apparently this slob walks into rooms ripping ass while picking her nose and eating it. But you can't blame her, after all it's only the munchies. She's throwing down every pill she can get her hands on, getting gang banged by random dudes 3 and 4 at a time, and not washing their manjuice, or the shit out of the crack of her ass for weeks. Then she bends over, displaying the shit caked crust around her rotted gash, giving anyone around a good sniff. In other words... she's Randy Quad's daughter from Vacation.

Shit, if I went on just talking about celebrity sluts, whores and skanks I could be here all day, and I'm trying to keep these things short and sweet for you, so I'm going to leave it here. It all feels a bit rushed today, like destroying the evidence at Heath Ledger's farewell address, but the important thing is that it sets up what I'll be going with next.

CONGRATULATIONS BRITNEY SPEARS, you're now our leading lady in our project for a new tomorrow!

The BEST story I've heard all week!

I wanted to start with this yesterday, but considering the title and topic I was going with I felt it would send the exact opposite message that I was going for about someone I so far think is fantastic, which proves I don't have my head completely up my own ass, but hey, everyone loves their own brand, right?

SO..... A couple of weeks ago I had mentioned that I went to the Bitter End in the village to see Emily Forst play when a pianist came on that blew my socks off. I had no reason to stay at that point of the night except to experience how phenomenal this artist was; she kept my ass in the chair even when I had planned to leave, which is the most ringing endorsement I think I can give to anyone. Well, her name is Nisha Asnani and there's no way you should let the chance to check her out for yourself pass you by. The link I have here, if you click on her name, will bring you to a place you can do that. And did I mention she's also pretty hot?

I've been talking about movies and celebrities a lot in the last few days, which won't always be the case, but yesterday I had gotten into Britney Spears and how she is now the leading lady in my train wreck of life hall of fame. I had to get into that because with all of the shitty remakes of movies that were only made 20 years ago and still so fresh in your memory that you can recite every line from them, and the ever popular ensemble cast flik full of decrepit former action stars that always just sucked to begin with, I think Hollywood is missing a tremendous opportunity to make a box office killing with the greatest ensemble film every conceptualized.

Now, the reason that there's no originality (or good movies) coming out these days is because YOU'RE A FUCKING IDIOT and pay good money to see the shit that they're pumping out. Then I have to hear how much you liked some trash version of the same flik you saw as a kid with asshole's who can't act like it's your kid's god damned high school play version of War Games (just one of many remakes on the horizon that will make me want to chain the theater doors, with you inside, and LIGHT THE PLACE ON FIRE!).

But what if we gathered together a crew of real fuck-ups, the sort of lunatic that we just can't stop talking about, and threw them into a story that makes celebrity rehab look like the fuckin Brady Bunch? Much like our leading actress Britney, it would be a beautiful disaster, the A-Team meets the Dream Team! With all the shitheads out there to choose from, you really can't go wrong, but my crew couldn't be beat! Who would I go with? EASY!

HOWLING MAD

The list begins and ends with Gary Busy. Who the hell else could you possibly consider? Finding a Busey crazy picture wasn't the problem, it was picking which one.

FACEMAN

"What are you in for? Drugs". All I can say is GIVE EM' THE HEATER RICKY! Have you ever seen Navy Seals? I swear Charlie Sheen was only playing him self in that.

B.A.



Nordberg! What can I say, maybe I took the easy way out on this one, but he brings his own Dream Team

But all these crazies in the same room, on the same suicide mission could go wildly out of control. What we need is a strong leader, someone who can unquestionably take the reigns and do the impossible. Who is need is....

HANNIBAL

None other than drunken Jew hating, wife beating Mel Gibson! How can you fuck with Braveheart? This patriot's going to go Lethal Martin Riggs on your ass! I love it when a plan comes together!

So now you see why I needed Britney, afterall, how can you bring it all together with out strong female lead? Come to think of it, maybe Spears isn't strong enough to hang with these nutsacks, maybe she's not off enough to hold her own. I was wrong yesterday; for the first time I'm really feeling the loss of Amy Winehouse.

THE BEST STORY I'VE HEARD ALL WEEK!

The news report said he was the puppy no one wanted, his brothers and sisters were all adopted ahead of him, the last one picked. That just makes it even better, and a great example for a lot of us. No matter what anyone else thinks of us, even those of us no one wants are capable of something great just by being themselves.

Alright fuckface, this has carried on long enough already, and I have to get back to work. Try not to suck too much dick on your way to the parking lot!

Harry Potter Review!

A really cool thing's been happening lately.... I've been getting reports back from a lot of you about how much you liked the people that I've highlighted here in this space, which means I'm helping spread their audience. If I accomplished nothing else here than that it's all I could ever ask for.... so keep on checking out the new stuff.....

AND NOW....

HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS PART II....

If you're looking for me to get vicious today you're going to be disappointed, I have no biting criticisms for this one. It was a solid movie and I thoroughly enjoyed my entire experience that night. Now, I don't get too into telling you everything that happened in a flik like most reviews, what the hell is the point in that? Giving a summary defeats the purpose of seeing for yourself. It starts up right where Part I lets off and picks up the action right away, which was great. I liked the way that they went about tying all the loose ends together and explaining what the hell was going on the entire time; nicely done. I didn't read any of the books, so I can't comment if it was done as well as it was supposed to, but for film series purposes it worked. On the downside it was pretty anti-climatic, especially considering it's the 8th installment of a series (that much build-up deserves more fireworks), and felt a little long, probably due to the lack of dramatic tension. They killed off a lot of big characters, but they needed to show more of the individual battles that caused their deaths. A lot it was "Oh, yeah, by the way... this one's dead". Still, the things that we done well, were done, er... well.

Got this photo here

Best scene of this flik by far was a tasty Emma Watson cleavage shot. (AAANNNDD.... he's back ladies and gentlemen!) She's going to have to get used to that if she wants to have a career beyond this. Jessica Biel made a great transition after 7th Heaven by tastefully showing off her wares (which I'd normally post a link to), so she won't have to become HerHiney Grinder or anything that crazy, but Playboy maybe? HUGE HIT THERE!

What I think a lot of people miss about the Harry Potter series, whether you think it's for kids or just plain gay, is just how incredible a feat it was that they were able to pull off here, especially in a Hollywood climate that sucks more than George Michael in a bathroom stall. While none of the films will make your eyes roll to the back of your head like my favorite porn star Monique Alexander will, they were able to pull off 8 every solid films over a 10 year span that never changed the tone of the original book series enough to have he die-hards really hootin and hollering while still managing to keep the interests of everyone else. From the very start the cast has been full of actors with real chops, great performers every one, not the sort of run of the mill slob that's here today gone tomorrow like most of these clowns today. And as for continuity, one of things that really makes me want to piss in someone's eye on most occasions, they kept the same kids in the same roles throughout the entire run as allowed us watch these characters grow from children to adults. Something even Back to the Future couldn't even pull off between one and two (Claudia Wells played McFly's girlfriend only to be switched to Elisabeth Shue, don't fuck with the babysitter!).

Anyway you look at it, whether you liked anything about the series at all, you have to appreciate when something is well done, especially in a world where so little is these days.

Monique Alexander



SO... I didn't go nuts today, off on my usually looney tirade, and I'm reserving a change up for tomorrow. But I DID happen to catch the best article I've seen in a long time about why movies are such shit lately, Everything That's Wrong with Hollywood by Kyle Smith, which you can catch right here. Remember, if you're going to read reviews it has to be written by someone you somewhat agree with. Kyle Smith here is usually pretty good and he pretty much hits every point he makes here on the head. Lou Lumenick of the same paper is a total douche, and I'm not the only asshole who thinks so as evidenced right here, Why Lumenick Sucks Ass!. You're not going to take advice on much from someone you think is a jackass, not unless you're a retard too. The jury's still out on that indictment.

For now that's it. Let's see what I can come up with tomorrow. In parting just ask yourself one question....

WHY AM I A ASSHOLE?!

What's a Blow Job with a Condom on? Serisously?

Last night I had hurt my arm playing ball and had been joking with my friend that I can't even jerk off now, and she asked what would I do now? So I told her that that's what hookers and crackheads are for. But then I got to thinking about all those nights with my buddies at all those back room shit hole strip clubs when a girl took a pal of mine to the private section (private meaning it was concealed in shadow, you could still see everything), slipped the condom on, and.....

Now, I'm constantly saying that fluff girls make everything better. In case you don't know, fluff girls are the ones that walk around those big 100+ man gang bangs for porn shoots that are responsible for keeping all the dudes hard. Like my ex, they blow you just enough so that you HAVE to fuck.

I've known a lot of strippers in my time, and while I actually think most of them are great down to earth people, that's the life and the world they live in. You'd be hard pressed, no matter how high end the joint is or how hot the woman, to find an exotic dancer who hasn't taken a guy into the back room for the treatment. She may have just jerked off 6 Mexicans right off the back of a fruit truck and just grabbed your junk, only washing her hand by spitting on it, or it could be that she only does it for special cases like celebrities, but it's really all the same thing, isn't it? Even if you could feel a thing from her lips once she slides that bad boy on, is it worth the worry you have to take home once it hits you that she's been so well trained to slip a condom on before she slips it into her mouth and what her reasons for that are?

Me with Olivia Munn

About a year ago I met Olivia Munn, then star of G4's Attack of the Show, at one of her book signings. At the time she was the biggest woman in video games before trying to take that following and turn it into something bigger. Her star, and career, precipitously fell off the face of the planet from that move, showing the dangers of trying to reach too far too soon, and why you should be careful trying to expand beyond the scope of your talents. But in her reading that day she spoke of a disgusting fat slob big shot who had her come to his trailor when she was first breaking in. When she got there he was butt naked, sucking chicken grease off of his fingers, waiting for her to put it in her mouth. He wouldn't have done that if it hadn't worked many times before. Just like Roberto Alomar, or any Latin player in Major League Baseball up until 1996 or so, if you want to get into the league, you have to pay the price. So the next time you see a young star that you're just in love with, just remember that chances are extremely good they bent over a counter or took a shot in the mouth to get there. And I'm not just talking about the ladies. Just like the strippers.... that's the life and the world they live in.

Roberto Alomar - sucked dick to play baseball

Got AIDS after "allegedly" getting raped

by 2 men in a back alley in Mexico City

A few years ago my girlfriend had told me she wanted to marry me six weeks into the relationship and all the red flags went up. So I told her that I'd only get married if I could do it in an Elvis jumpsuit. Part of that was me being a wise ass. Part of that was trying to get her off the marriage ledge, afterall, what woman would go for that? But part of that was also because I'm so off the wall that the only type of person I should be spending the rest of my life with is the type that would love me marrying them in an Elvis jumpsuit. So why am I bringing this up?

My friend found this the other day in Women's World Magazine of all places. Elvis' favorite suit... The Peacock! Get ready ladies, the suit has presented itself, the time has come! The girlfriend I was speaking of actually went for the Elvis jumpsuit thing. I didn't need to actually do it, I just needed to know that she'd let me. So why am I single then? Because just like the fluff girls, she only put it in her mouth until I got hard, only I wasn't in line for the gang bang.

And so we've come full circle. What's a Blow Job with a Condom on? It's better than no Blow Job at all!

Peacocks DO fly! And.... it could always be worse.

Look at what I started! Maybe it's just the Reticular Activating System, but Peacocks are everywhere, and they're running wild!

This guy escaped from the Central Park Zoo the other day to perch himself up on a 5th floor window in Manhattan. Don't be the only one left on the block. Come hide with the herd and float with the flock....

I can't say what's going on with me, but I've been a special kind of asshole lately, snapping for no reason, getting on people's asses, it's not good. Whatever it is I constantly have to remind myself that it could always be worse. Now, I am a certified life coach and NLP practitioner, so I've done countless hours of research on positive thinking and all of that, and I do believe in it to an extent, but part of that is also appreciating what you have. Years ago I had gotten majorly depressed and lost about 35 pounds in a 2 week span, probably could have gotten really sick. What got me out of it was watching episodes of Party of Five, where every week Charlie got ball cancer or Neve Campbell got pregnant by some random stranger... or Scott Wolf found himself torn between smoking hot Amanda Beckett (Jennifer Love HugeTits) or that little boy he's had his eye on, and listening to The Cure over and over again.

Of course, if any of my buddies had come down into my basement dungeon apartment at the time and seen what I was up to they would have burned me on that. "Dude, what the fuck are you watching? And who the hell is crying on the radio? No wonder you want to kill yourself!" Still though, every week I would look at those people and say to myself, shit, it could always be worse... I could have ball cancer. And it's been a philosophy I've tried (though not always successfully) to keep in mind as I bang through life's daily bullshit.

That Lacy Chabert got really

fuckin hot, huh?

 Speaking of being that special kind of asshole, I was watching chicks fight again last night, MMA this time, if you can call it that. This one had a really hot body, and kept getting into these ridiculous positions that made you want to grab your shit. But every time she picked her head up her face looked like Warwick Davis.

I can't say there's anything about the idea of banging Willow that gets me hard. Could you imagine being in the middle of it with her, she looks up at you, lust in her eyes screaming "You ARE great!". I wouldn't know whether to shit or wind my watch.

But no matter what you're going through you always have to think about the things that you do have, and if that still has you sitting on the couch with your head in your hands like the Great Al Birdy crying "Oh God, I can't wake up!" remember... you could always be this guy!

And if that doesn't work just be happy that you don't have ball cancer. And if you DO have ball cancer, just be happy that it's not cock cancer. And if you've got cock cancer, accentuate the positive...

"Ah shit dude, you got Cock Cancer? That fucking sucks"

"Maybe so, but look of the SIZE of this thing now"

You see, it's just one big world of shit, and we're all wrapped up in it. There aint nobody clean! So it's all about making the best of a shitty situation, like this guy

Or maybe that's a woman, I can't tell. But it's a nice sunny day, she's got herself a seat in the shade, relaxing, and enjoying herself a beer. What more could a fella possibly want out of life? But if that's not enough for you, you're day can't possibly be worse than this guy's in the video you're about to watch and absolutely HAVE to see...

All I can say is better him than me. Shit, I don't know about you, but my day just got a whole hell of a lot better.

Special thanks to Scotty and Robinson for all of your help with today's post. As my closest friend from college so beautifully put it... you'll always be that special kind of asshole to me!

Don't be the only one left on the block

Hide with the herd

Float with the flock

BRING OUT YOUR DEAD!!!

Much like Amy Crackhouse and Steve Guttenberg's career, very unexpectedly I walked out of the house this morning to find my car battery dead, which has cut my time, and thus today's installment, short. Complacency is a problem only the comfortable suffer, and you only realize this when the shit hits the fan and disrupts your every day flow, which is why, as The Man would tell you, sometimes you need this. Fucked up things shake you out of the mundane daily exercise.

Mahoney almost never comes to mind unless I've been out doing way too much shit that no one is ever supposed to do and I start seeing Johnny 5 rolling around the streets. Short Circuit... HEH, you couldn't have picked a more perfect title; who'd have thought the same flik could take out Guttenberg and Ally Sheedy both? But this morning I find myself mourning the loss of the great Bubba Smith.

Who can forget this classic scene from Police Academy when Hightower tears the seat out of a small hatchback because it's the only way he can fit inside of it. It amazes me to no end how much attention people give when addicts, whores and scumbags in general are found in pools of their own puke, yet a man of this, uh, stature, is quickly dismissed with a simple, "huh!"

Bubba was a great college and pro football player before making a decent career acting, but the small roles he played had a huge impact. At least the first two Police Academy fliks were great, and impossible to imagine without Smith manning the Hightower!

But my best memory of Bubba Smith will always be the timeless classic Spare Tire Dixon from one of the greatest episodes of one of the greatest television shows of all time. Watch it right here.

YOU DIDN'T CROSS THE LINE BUNDY!!!

Ironically, this comes on the same day that it really hit me how much of an influence Married with Children had on my life. The writers of the show joked that they ran for 11 seasons on the same 5 jokes, but they deserve so much more credit for what an incredible job they did. I often tell people that I'm not really into much of anything, but whenever I happen across old re-runs it doesn't take long before I remember exactly which episode it is. You know every punchline that's coming and still manage to laugh you balls off every single time, no matter how often you see it.

Speaking of those that bought the farm recently, former NY Yankee pitcher Hideki Irabu offed himself about a week ago. George Steinbrenner called him a Fat Toad for being lazy, so of course I have to show a picture of Scott Brosius grabbing his tits, but everyone forgets that in 1998 and 1999 he put up two very solid seasons for World Championship teams, and if they had the chance today, the Yanks would gladly swap A.J. Burnett for him in a heartneat.

This this now the second Yankee that's died in my lifetime, but the reason this one in particular hurts is because before Irabu I had never in my life seen a pitcher bean a batter and then CHARGE THE PLATE! That shit was fuckin GREAT! I've been looking for video of that but so far have been unlucky. Once I get it though I'll be sure to give you a treat, and I don't mean the one in my pants.

For today, I'll cut it short here. It's sort of a sad note, not the haha funny I usually post, but one I felt I had to discuss. But I will leave you with another clip. The night I was born, while my mother was screaming in labor shittin me out, my old man sat in a movie theatre watching Monty Python and the Holy Grail. It became my favorite movie until I was about 16 and probably the biggest reason why I always wanted to write skit comedy. It probably also goes a long way of explaining why I'm so fucked in the head!

BRING OUT YOUR DEAD!!!

I'm not quite dead yet. I think I'll got for a walk.

COCKBLOCKING MOMO'S!!!

If you're a dirty old man, and I am, you have to check out the movie Sucker Punch. I rented it last night and it really surprised me, coming in as a strange mix between "The Secret" and Alice in Wonderland. You know that I don't get too into telling you the entire movie when I'm describing them, but there were three storylines interacting following five smoking hot chicks. The way they transitioned between each was brilliant as was their use of camera angles. A lot of it reminded me of Hitchcock scenes where he would set the camera at one angle and really focus your eye on what your were supposed to be looking at. Then they'd cue the music and entire sections seemed like watching a music video that still somehow managed to tell the tale of the tape. And if that wasn't enough, they'd jump you into a great action sequence full of blood, mayhem, and hotties slashing and shooting. I don't know how no one has told me about this, but you should definitely check it out as a rental.

COCKBLOCKING MOMO'S

The flick got me thinking about a chick that I had been sleeping with a while back now because it was something I'm sure she'd really dig, and that got me thinking on an entirely different path. I'm pretty sure the two of us hate each other now; I was never anything more than cheap sex, she never had any intention of getting to know me (I feel so USED), and when she was done with that, she was done with me. I can't complain too much, my birthday was HOT, and that last time I really had her going. But along the way she picked up a MOMO exactly like Tucker from There's Something About Mary.

Every guy has had to deal with a clown like this at one time or another (unless you were the clown), you know the one, constantly full of shit just to kiss her ass, pretending to be into all the same shit she is, always doing whatever they can to make you look bad... all in the name of trying to get between the two of you, and trying to get with her himself, all the while keeping up the appearance that he's just the innocent friend looking out for her best interests. I had caught this clown several times making the most ridiculous statements that showed how full of shit he really was. It had gotten to the point where anytime I said anything to her at all, even after our talking slowed to a death crawl, the jackass would still feel compelled to one up me.

We all know that you can't point these things out to your lady friend. She'll take the "friends" side over yours every time, even when she knows you're right. And why wouldn't she? He's buying her tickets and taking her out to all the things she wants to do without having to ask and she never has to give up the ass to get it. Then she can get cocked by Dirty Big Dick on the side whenever she wants without having to justify anything she's doing to anyone, especially to herself. It's win-win for her everytime. You end up being just some jealous prick who's trying to control her. (That's one of my personal favorites actually, if you don't like like the idea of her running around with other dudes, you're trying to control her. WTF? )

But guess what pal, we all also know that it's never going to work. The minute she feels she has to give it up to get your bullshit, she's moving on to that next son of a bitch. You won't be bending her over (if she were into you like that, you wouldn't have to sling the shit you've been dealing), and all you do is fuck up my shit. And if, after months of ass kissing and buddy buddy bullshit, you still feel threatened by a guy who barely has anything to do with her... well that's a personal issue you need to look into. And that issue is this... you may not be gay, but... YOU'RE A FUCKIN FAGGOT!

For anyone looking for an explanation of what a MOMO is, because I'll be using it a lot, that last line pretty much sums it up.

There was more I wanted to get into on this, but the rant has gone on long enough so we'll leave it for later. But be sure to follow these points to stay out of this mess...

1. If you're girl has picked up a MOMO, dump her, dump her fast
2. If you're too into her to can her ass, ignore MOMO, he's just a harmless douche
3. Keep giving her the good cock
4. Silly Whoes collect MOMO'S. Real women do for themselves, they don't need some jackass kissing their ass, buying them shit, or playing games. Not having some weasel clinging on to them like a dingleberry hanging from an ass hair is worth whatever price they have to pay to them to do it on their own.
5. Ladies, be a real woman, not a Silly Whoe.
6. Guys, be a REAL MAN, not a fuckin MOMO
7. DON'T BE A FUCKIN FAGGOT, MOMO!

And finally, I promised you yesterday I'd post the video of Hideki Irabu charging the plate if I can find it. Well Scotty found it for me with a nice little bonus, The Strawman punching someone in the face. SO here you go.

Remember, you can't do Abs in 6 minutes. You can barely break a sweat in 6 minutes.

Don't get yourself caught in a Jersey Truck stop.

King of the Crazy Asshole's and the Planet of the Apes

Rise of the Planet of the Apes, or the true life story of why people suck, really surprised me this weekend. With the combination of how Hollywood destroys every old classic it can get it's hands on, and how much James Franco sucks balls (pretty much everything he's in blows), I was expecting this to suck more Tera Patrick on a quest for an AVN award. But it was really a very solid movie all around. The only real knock I have against it is, unless San Francisco is the world's capital for chimp experimentation, an Ape Auswitch if you will, where they got all the damn apes that are running around is a mystery. Still though, the acting was solid, good action when it needed it, with a well done storyline built on a premise that could actually make sense if it were to happen in real life. Had I seen this at home on video I probably would have thought it was great, but as it is, especially if you're a fan of the five original films, I think this is something worth checking out. Even with theatre prices I enjoyed my experience. (Click the AVN link, it's HOT!)

This one's going to be a little different today.

Last week I went on about the movie Sucker Punch, and how much I was really into that flik. Well it seems that it wasn't done with me, and taught me a valuable lesson. When I went to return the video to the Red Box (what's not to love about Red Box) there was a couple looking for something to watch. As I stood waiting, the DVD in my hand, I pointed the movie out to the guy and told him "if you're into trippy shit, check this one out."

Now, from a social dynamics point of view I did everything right if you want to open a set. If you follow the notion that 'what's in the way IS the way', you have to start talking to the biggest pain in the ass there, and once they accept you you've got easy access to their friends. So once this guy sees I'm just talking about a flik and not making a move on his girl, sure enough he lets her and I get into it, and sure enough she's looking at me like she wants to take me behind the dumpster and, uh....  

(I highly suggest you read The Mystery Method, written by master Pick Up Artist Mystery. I've had to read a lot on social dynamics and why we choose they people we do in our lives, but this is by far the best of them. Everything he talks about is 1000% scientifically based and backed, and is proven to work most of the time)

Master PUA Mystery.

Don't let the hat fool you,

this guy's a god damned genius!

But the truth is, I wasn't thinking about any of that. It was just something that I happened to enjoy so much that my passion took over and I was able to sell them on the flik because I wasn't trying to sell them anything at all. I wasn't being full of shit, I was genuinely psyched to be able to share something with complete strangers because of how much I loved it, and it was all completely natural, free and easy.

AND THAT'S WHERE IT HIT ME! Most of the time when we need people to buy into what we're doing, whatever the situation, selling yourself to a girl you're trying to pick up, bringing in customers to a business, come see my show, buy my album, listen to my podcast, read my blog, yada yada yada, we're so concerned with the end result, with getting what we want out of them, that that becomes our focus rather than how great we actually think the thing we're showing them is. And because of that it all seems forced and unnatural, like pulling teeth. What person in their right mind is going to invest any of their time, money or back end goodies into anything that you made sound awkward and painful? NOBODY!!!

For nearly two years I've been struggling to get my books VPI the Saga Begins and A Loaded Portrait, two excellent books that you'd really enjoy if you read this blog, to sell without any clue of what I've been doing wrong. But what's the biggest selling point to anything? What has gotten you, far beyond any other factor, to check out new things that you never would have considered before?

It's some random jackass telling you "That shit was GREAT! You NEED to see this shit!" so full of passion that you can see their eyes light up, and they're so excited, so into it that you start to get pumped up for it yourself. And when something resonates with you so strongly, like a film from the red box, that you get that pumped to tell people about it, even though it's not your work and you have nothing to gain.... well, that's the exact effect we're all going for isn't it? That's where stars are born. And that's why every success guru in all the land will tell you that the number one thing that every person must have in order to "make it" is pure unbridled passion for what they're doing. Because how can you get anyone else so pumped about what you do if you don't feel that way about it yourself?

And that brings me to myself, this blog, and you. For most of my life I've been worried if I'd ever find my audience, ever find my group of people, find where I fit in. I've always been confident in my ability to write, but never in getting others to hear what I had to say. Most of my life everyone around has dismissed me, "You're just a crazy asshole."

In the short time that I've been doing this, however, I've come to realize how much I love to do so. And though the audience to now has been small, many of you have told me that you look forward to it every day. As an artist, I don't know what greater praise one can ever receive. Maybe I am just a Crazy Asshole, but I've come to embrace that, and many of you have told me how much you think along the same lines as I do. So the lesson is this... don't worry about where you fit in, who you're allowed to play with, that will only get you a boatload of wasted talent, low self esteem and heartache. BE a Crazy Asshole, and other like asshole's will find you. But always do your thing regardless of the critics, then you start you're own group.

And please tell people about this page, but only if you love it as much as I do.

As long as I have a handful of people looking forward to reading this page, and I enjoy doing, you'll be hearing from me... the King of the Crazy Assholes!

And now I leave you with some Tom Petty, Learning to Fly. It seems fitting.

You Can't Argue With an Idiot!

That's what my Uncle always used to tell me. You can't argue with an idiot, they drag you down to their level and beat you with experience. Though it could be put just as easily that you shouldn't argue with the ignorant. Now, I grew up with nothing, had nothing for most of my life, but I've been lucky enough to have a great deal of experiences, first hand, that have changed my perspective on how I look at things. The truth of the matter is though, nothing that I know means a thing, because I still have nothing, and as this video here will prove, people will only listen to others that they think have a certain amount of authority over them.

For a good chunk of my life I was stuck surrounded by the type of jackass that never knew shit about shit, never had an experience outside of their own neighborhood, never had to know the fear of choosing between paying the rent or eating, and on the rare occasion they did go somewhere outside of their own backyard, it would be to a Cancun resort, or a spring break. Staying at a hotel at a beach does not a world traveler make, no matter where that beach is. The problem is that every single other jackass they encounter in their life is that same kind of jackass, doesn't know shit about shit, never been out there in the real world, so they encourage each other into the belief that this is how it is. And they're the SHIT! Because they're too stupid, or sheltered, or inexperienced to know otherwise. Sound familiar?

Yeah, a good portion of my life was like living in an episode of Jersey Shore. The people I was surrounded by were exactly this sort of retard (And if you like that shit, guess what....). I once knew a guy that swore everything in the world, ever, was invented in Italy. But when you're not part of Club Special Ed, but still feel compelled to shine a little light on these fucktards, it will cause nothing but problems for you. Take 3 morons that have no clue about anything other than what goes on inside of that bag pulled over their heads, but have them agree with one another, and soon they'll be tearing you apart; you're the fucking idiot no matter what the facts say. This is the same exact shit that kept the earth flat, the sun revolving around the earth, Black's 3/5 a person and Jews the reason for the downfall of man everywhere for centuries. Why couldn't that bag over their heads be plastic?

But what brings this on today isn't the fuckin mental midgets that a lot of us have to escape before we're ever able to find acceptance, success or real happiness. No, what brings this on is another animal, one possibly far worse, and by that I mean pseudo-intellectual Brooklynites. Not the ones born and raised in Bed-Sty or Bensonhurst, but the ones transplanted from whatever white boy world they came from to be as "cool" as they want to be. Of course, they could be Manhattanites too, or transplanted to Boston or Philly, what have you, it's all the same. I'm talking about those hipster clowns (Funny, hipsters... they all swear they're not hipsters....). The ones who gather from their small corners and come together (because they really all do settle in the same trendy areas) to stroke each other and call themselves New Yorkers because they've lived here for a short time, all the while looking down on the natives as if we're all that fucking idiot from the Jersey Shore.

I had spoken earlier about Cockblocking Momos, and when I went to share something in the article I saw that this had been posted about surfing at Rockaway Beach by the exact kind of jackass I was just going on about. It brought me back to a previous conversation where I had to explain why surfing at Rockaway Beach was one of the nastiest things that I've ever heard. I've lived within a 15 minute ride of that Beach for most of my life, and most people who have know exactly how disgusting and polluted that water is. To make a long story short, my friend Michelle put it best when she said "I wouldn't take a SHIT in that water". The response I got to my warning was a posting from the NYC board of health stating the beaches were clean.

I've never been to Blarney Castle to kiss the Blarny Stone, but I've heard from several reliable sources that would know much more than I do that one of the great gags of the area is that some of the local townsfolk often like to get loaded and piss all over the thing in the middle of the night, knowing that tourists are coming in to touch their lips to it. How true that is I don't know, but do you honestly think an area that bases a large portion of their economy on you kissing the back end of their rocks for luck would ever want you to find out that Townie Fuckface and his five brothers have a regular Friday night circle jerk all over their stone of destiny? That kind of news getting out would ruin them.

And by the same principal, is the New York City board of health going to tell millions of people during the hottest days of the year that their beaches are too filthy and polluted to go near? Ah, take a nice swim at the beach (warning, sand covered in aids syringes and the water could give you cancer). FUCK NO they wouldn't, that shit causes riots and mass hysteria. That sort of news is only released when there's no other choice, when it's right out there and noticeable, which incidentally, has happened several times over the years at Rockaway Beach.

But surely if an article is in the New York times (the most credible news source of all because they NEVER make up their own facts) then it must be true, right? Articles written by writers who aren't from around here about people from Japan doing what very few that actually grew up near that beach would even DARE is all the proof one needs. I guess I don't know what I'm talking about after all.

I still have nothing, nothing but this blog, you good fans, and a degree in Social Science, which qualifies me to speak about these exact things. But even the points I make on matters I've studied extensively meet the toughest resistance from even my closest friends, because as Milgrim said, I don't appear to be coming from a position of authority, so what the fuck do I know?

But take this lesson from the once great Chevy Chase on why you should ALWAYS listen to other people who may know more about certain things from real life experience and the consequences of thinking you know more than they do

You could end up with balls in your mouth. You'd be lucky if that's all it is.

The bottom line though is that fighting with these people will only give you a headache and possibly drive you to the top of a bell tower. They'll never learn because they really don't want to, there's comfort in thinking you know everything, even when you don't know shit at all. And much like proving the earth is round, showing them and forcing them to believe it can be a monumental task that leaves your life in shambles.

Then again.... the greatest leaps forward in the history of man have come from proving the idiots wrong.

Just don't waste your time or energy on them, getting caught up in the fight.

THE TOUGHEST WOMAN ALIVE!!!

Talk about your dead weeks. I can't remember anything going on that's forced everyone to scream it from the mountain tops, which makes relevant topical conversation pretty difficult, but this is how "credible" news sources like the NY Times end up writing puff pieces about swimming in Rockaway sewage and taco stands serving whatever meat they fished out of it.

At the same time, it gives one a chance to either be creative or pull old shit out of your ass. Sometimes both. With that in mind, this had come up in random conversation on about four separate occasions over the past three days, so I figured I'd show it again here. Is she toughest woman alive? Watch this video and decide for yourself.

In case you don't know, that's one of my five sisters making a perfect block of home plate. She's one of very few women that have ever played in the league, and she's been on the team for years now. First, notice how she makes a near text book block, steps in front, plays the ball, then turns to make the tag. And of course, how this fucking douchebag jumps through her from about five feet.

The video cracks me up on a lot levels, and brings a tear to my eye. First, she stands in there and takes a shot. Then she holds up the ball to show she held on before rolling around the ground in pain. Her knee was completely wrecked as a result here and needed ACL surgery to repair. Then her husband and I argue the play before making sure she's alright. But that's fine, she can take it. I once busted her face all over the place while we both played a pop up, she caught my shoulder right in the grill. She was out there again the next week. And I can't tell you how many times a finger would point in the wrong direction and she'd just pop it back in and get out there.

Well not only did she get right back out there again this season after the knee shredding, but she just started training to enter the Tough Mudder this coming November in New Jersey. It's a 10-12 mile obstacle course developed by the British Special Forces to weed out the men from the boys, but they haven't met my sister. This competition is just insane, there's even a part of the challenge where you have to crawl through live electrical wires, you really have to check it out. Maybe women are supposed to be dainty, not supposed to get down and dirty with the boys, but fuck that! You can never, should never, deny what your soul stirs you to do, and she's a warrior.

The truth is, and this is just my lead in paying homage to all women everywhere, that the toughest, the strongest people in my life have always been women. I didn't have many positive male role models growing up, which could be why I turned into such an over the top guys guy, but the ladies always had to get down and dirty because they didn't have any other choice, mostly because the "men" in their lives handed them the shit end of the stick. And they came through. They had to. You show me a single mother (the kind that take care of their kids, not the ones having more for a bigger welfare check, not the ones looking for some dude with money to bail them out of their shit) or a woman fighting to live her dream and I'll show you a hero.

BUT.... that's also why chicks piss me off so much when they do the dopey shit that they do. With guys I expect it to happen. There are two things that I can guarantee about the clown in the video, one is that if it were me back there he never would have attempted to run through the plate that way (I taught offensive and defensive line for years, good luck with that), and two, this fuckin douche has a hot girlfriend.

The entire "women love bad boys" deal is a complete and total myth to anyone that knows social psychology and the real reasons behind why we do the shit that we do. People are great at justifying the stupid shit that they get themselves into so that they can live with themselves, and the "bad boy" image is just a way for chicks to justify why they're chasing after some asshole who doesn't give a fuck about them either way, specifically because he doesn't give a fuck about them either way, and they NEED to make him give a fuck; The same kind of cocksmith that would run down a woman at home plate. That my friends, is all about percieved value, which we'll get into another time, but it is scientfic fact, not my opinion. Don't get pissy if you do it either, educate yourself, and stop being a dopey broad.

Back to the homage, and speaking of women who I think are absolutley fuckin fantastic, way back in January of 2010 I did an interview with Dominique of Comics Period when I was still doing my weekly podcast, Deez Nutz! The show got to be too serious, which I hope to avoid here, but this interview was GREAT!

A few days ago I was talking about why you have to be passionate about what you're doing in order to be successful, and that was my very first impression of her from the interview. The quality of her work speaks for itself and since then she appears to have blown up, which I couldn't love more because she deserves it. She wrote a piece about her first experience at the San Diego Comicon, SDCC the first time around which you should check out. I've wanted to go there for as long as I can remember, but for now all I could do is see it through her eyes.

What would be really interesting to me would be for us to re-listen to that interview and see how much of what she had talked about happened the way she had hoped.

One of the many things you have to do when blogging is to constantly find ways to get your work noticed, so you keep track of who's looking and how they're finding your page. Well, some odd things pop up here and there. The picture up top is from Bikini Girls on Ice from BGOI Films. Somehow people were finding my page from their site and so I had to check it out. Both of these sites are just sick, seriously, they look great with some kick ass effects, so even if you're just into web design you should check them out. So when I got to the page I see chicks in bikini's getting hacked up... OF COURSE I'M IN!!! But if you check out the trailor it actually looks pretty fuckin good.

In doing this piece I had to notice that I seem to have a bit of a Jekyl and Hyde personality when it comes to the ladies. On one hand, very often I'm tearing them apart with all of the horrible things that they do or completely objectifying them in a sexual manner. As a society it seems all we ever hear about anymore, at least the stories that get out there on a mass scale, are women running around acting like skanks and whores or JLo's 8th husband. And every single last example of every woman I've had in my dating life has been as if it came straight out of a manual for reasons why chicks deserve to end up with assholes and treated like shit.

On the other hand, pretty much everything that I've shown off in this spot, links and shouts and everything else, has been for women. That wasn't done by design and certainly not trying to get with any of them (something I've long ago stopped bothering with), but because these were people that were doing things I'm really into and thought I could help. And when it comes to my family and friends, I could never hope to have anyone better in my life than the ladies that I do. I guess what it really shows is the disparity between how truly great and terrible women can be and the many reasons for it.

I can't and won't appologize for talking about (or showing) tits and ass ("Hugo Posh isn't just tits, he isn't just ass... well... Hugo Posh is those things..."), afterall, I AM a guys guy, and I love tits, and I love ass.

But what I'd really like is to hear from all you, as comments on this post, or comments on the facebook links, some more great stories about the toughest, or the best, women that are or have been in your life.

So today wasn't Crazy Asshole me, to be honest I've felt like shit the last few days and all that ranting takes its share of energy. I could use someone to pick me up, dust me off, kick me in the ass and get me back out there.

Back home we call that a good woman.

London Riots AND Why we're all SCREWED!

If you don't know already there have been riots going on in London for about a week now. While I haven't looked far enough into it to find out what caused it all, it DID bring about this article on why, socially, we've gotten ourselves into this position in the first place. The article is written about the English, but everything he says can and does apply to why we're screwed in the United States also. Simply put, it's the best article I've ever read.

The biggest point he hits, towards the end of the article (aside from what my buddy Mike, who sent me the article, says is the best term he's ever heard to describe low lives; Feral Humans), is that at the root of the problem is that we have no Ethos.

Joseph Campbell, who was the world's authority on comparative religion, not only explained but showed, that every religion across the Earth, EVER, was essentially exactly the same, teaching the same exact lessons. And those lessons were taught through bible stories and mythology, ritual dance and so on. The point of all of it was to teach us how to be adults, and how to get by in a tough world when our mentors were no longer here to guide us.

25 years ago, in a television interview which later became the book "The Power of Myth", Campbell stated that the problem we have is that "We have no Ethos, or way of doing things" and the closest thing we have to mythology are movies and comic books. If you read this blog on a regular basis you know what trash most movies are these days.

I had read "The Power of Myth" just before the ex took off on me in the middle of the night, and that book probably saved my life. But beyond that, that was the book that started me on my spiritual and psychological journey towards Personal Performance Consulting (yeah, I like that!) But that term, Ethos, the way we do things, stuck with me, ringing in my head over and over again over the years.

John Wayne was once the ideal of what it was to be an American man. As the story goes, he was such a symbol of what it was to be American that Jospeh Stalin actually sent the KGB to assinate him, figuring his death would be a crushing blow to American morale. He escaped Soviet agents.... twice. I had never met my mother's father, but between my parents and my uncles I was surrounded by John Wayne so much that until I was about 7 years old I actually thought he was my grandfather. That goes a long way towards explaining why I have the attitude that I do in regards to what it is to be a man, like generations of Americans before me, I thought that was how it was done, he was my example.

But John Wayne famously said that "A man's got to have a code, something to live by" speaking about the importance of having personal standards to hold oneself to. And it doesn't take much more than sitting through five minutes of MTV to see that those standards simply don't exist anymore. We have no standards. We hold ourselves up to nothing.

Just like with Joseph Campbell, I tend to bring up Anthony Robbins quite often. Simply, they know what they're talking about. In his book Unlimited Power, Robbins talks about the 7 essential character traits that every person needs in order to be successful at anything in life. One of those is value, and by that he means a list of things that are most important to you. But when you ask people to make that list of these things, more often than not the way that they live their lives is directly in conflict with what's most important to them. For instance, a woman may state that the most important thing to her is a loving home and family, yet when she dates, the men she chooses aren't the type you can settle down with. And then we wonder why we're so unhappy.

And until recently I had been doing the exact same thing without realizing it. I wasn't holding myself up to my own standards, which I thought were pretty lofty. As it turns out, that's not the case at all; it's that others have none at all. Or the ones that they have are twisted.

But if you think it's bad in England where they're having hoodlums riot, it's far worse over here. Someone I used to know, who's actually from England, was talking about how they wanted to see the upcoming film Immortals. The film is based on Greek Mythology, which is still taught in schools over there. This person couldn't believe it when I told them that they haven't taught that in schools in the US in my lifetime. Of course, this same person, who is a talented artist, later tried to put me down based on what I currently do for a living because their career as a graphic designer was more "professional" than my pushing papers.

The picture that you see above you was taken from the board of my classroom from the very first lesson that I had ever given as an English teacher. If you can read what's on the picture, I had on the board The Knight's Code, an ideal of chivalry taken from a distant past that speaks to how nobel folks are expected to act. This was the standard that I expected my students to uphold in my classroom, and I hoped that it would somehow carry over into the rest of their lives.

When I walked into that classroom most of my students reading and writing comprehension scores were in the 30%. They were keeping up with the Kardashians, could tell you everything about them, people that are famous for exactly.... shit, I don't know, but never saw old Rod Serling Twilight Zone episodes, never saw Casablanca, the greatest love story ever told. The kids could tell you everything about the Jersey Shore, but couldn't write a paragraph describing what they did the night before. The girls would sing all the lines to whatever new hip-hop song they were into, but didn't understand the lyrics enough to see that the singer was actually calling the very same girls listening to the song whores, or understand enough to know that if you walk through the streets projecting that image, then that's exactly what people will think of you, and eventually exactly what you would become. And we aren't even talking about inner city kids here, these were white kids from good families.

So I broke them down and showed them the better parts of life, or trIed to. I had them read Poe, O'Henry and others, forced them to show me that they understood what they were reading, find the deeper meaning in what's out there (Incidentally, we only use 30% of the vocabulary that Poe used in the 1840's. We literally are 70% stupider). When I left that classroom only 1 student was reading and writing below the 60%, and he didn't do a damn thing all year. I made 21K that year to do so, the lowest salary I had brought home since my first job at 20 years old.

As a reward for my work, the principal threatened to sue me twice, once over a matter of another male teacher allowing his 13 year old female students to lay across his desk in their skirts at lunch time without other adults present. And I was told that I couldn't handle the students. I vowed never to teach again.

My point in telling that story is to illustrate how screwed we really are. Even when we see the issues at hand we're not allowed to do anything about it. We're not allowed set those standards we lack and teach or expect others to follow them. And should we try, we're the ones examples are made of, in all the wrong ways possible.

Which brings us back to the Brit. While this person does have a professional job, and is talented, how many business logo's would they have to design in order to match the impact that I had by teaching even one of my students HOW TO READ? How many marketing flyers are required to have the same effect of even one of these kids taking that Knights Code to heart and actually becoming a better person in life?

Yet socially, the way people look at things these days, the Brit is exactly right, they're a professional and I'm a broken puke and a loser. What makes the difference is how much money you make and how cool other people with no standards who can barely read think your work is. So even when we do attempt to uphold standards, even when we follow an Ethos, a way of doing things, what standards are they we're living up to? Is the way we do things these days even close to they way they SHOULD be done?

It doesn't matter. And do you know why?

Cause Snooki want smoosh smoosh!

And THAT is why we're all screwed!

Inside Why We're FU....ED!

With monsoon season still gripping the city and the myterious illness that dropped me like 3rd period French, the weekend was a total washout. For most of it I couldn't help but feel like the people caught in the preview of Hereafter, that Matt Damon flik that no one bothered to watch.

Speaking of Matt Damon, laid up like Sonny Bono after a ski trip I happened to catch the last hour of the documentary "Inside Job". It was really disturbing to see how the world economy got destroyed and how the people responsible are not only right back in power, but stronger than ever. Buckle in folks, cause it's only going to get worse.

I got you, babe!

Between that and the 2005 documentary "Why We Fight", which is another must watch about the Military Industrial Complex, if you really think that the American people have anything at all to do with who or what is running the country, or that the powers that be have your interests in mind or all, that you're even a blip on their radar.... you're kidding yourself.

The amazing thing about all of it is that now that we live in a world where all the information we could possibly want is at our finger tips with a few key words and the wave of a mouse, we've used that power to effectively cut ourselves off from one another and collectively pull the wool over our own eyes. Watch these two videos then tell me if you still think the American government couldn't be responsible for 9/11.

I'm a sucker for pretty much any show where they're saving some failing business, Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares is one of my favorite, so when I saw Bar Rescue last night on Spike TV I was IN! I couldn't care less whether or not the so called experts they bring in are experts at all. For years my job was to see how small businesses were losing money and show it them, and there's something about doing things right that just makes me hard. This was great in the sense that they give you specific stats most people don't think about that are necessary to achieve if you want success. For instance, successful bars shoot for 70% of their customers to be women, so they cater to bringing women in. It makes perfect sense to anyone that goes bar hopping, if there are chicks in there, the dudes will follow. Once it turns into a sausage party, it's time to bounce. It's a good model for most businesses, get the women, the men will follow. It's no coincidence that movies that really make HUGE money at the box office are the girlie films that chicks go to see with their girlfriends, yet still have enough action to entice their boyfriend to see it too.

But the thing that really gets me with these shows is how disgusting the places they walk into are. If you knew the what nastiness lurks in the not so dark corners of pretty much every place you eat and drink at you'd either be sick to your stomach or feel as invincible as Monty Burns. YES, Invincible!

I've worked in several restaurants in my life and can't tell you how many cooks and chef's didn't wipe their ass or wash their hands after dropping a hot one, then went right out to cook without gloves. I remember a rat the size of my dog once got speared to the wall in the kitchen at the first job I ever had, a Japanese/Korean fusion restaurant in Manhattan that's no longer there. The Chef poked it with his chopsticks and said, "Heh, Mickey" before going back to touching your food with those same chop sticks.

In Vegas I was the office manager of restaurant that's also no longer there. Tony Fuckface, the clever little nickname we had for the chef (possibly the foulest human I've ever met, and I've known some winners) because he looked like Sam Kinison's uglier brother and liked to watch while strangers nailed his much younger wife would host regular after hours orgies in the kitchen... on all the cooking surfaces.

I had spent some time when I first came back clearing out the basement of a rather famous building in Forest Hills, Queens.... it was so disgusting that rats the size of my foot would die at my feet. The only time a rodent will do that is when the place is so infested that it would rather take its chances with you than get eaten alive by its brethren. Well... the food and drink for a particular restaurant that used to be a Beefsteak Charlie's is all stored in that same basement... I absolutely refuse to go in there. Though, I have to say, I get a hearty chuckle when I see the trendy ladies that don't have time for me sitting there ordering off of the sushi menu...

I was going to go so much further with all of this, take it in another direction, but it's all gotten away from me and the ramble has gone on long enough. And now I forgot what I was talking about, so... until next time....

BEWARE THE MILITARY INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX!!!

Shit... now I'm on the list. If my car mysteriously crashes.....

At least I'm on someone's list.

Where Everybody Knows Your Name....

There's an odd energy in the air this morning, and I can't put my finger on exactly what it is, all I know is that something is in the works. If you can, hit play on the video and listen to the theme music while you read today.....

After an entire weekend, sick, stuck in the house, I was getting stir crazy, I had to get out of there, but alas, at 9PM on a Monday night and real football still a ways off there isn't much to do out there. That's life as you get older and most of the people you know are married with kids. Which got me to thinking about all those days when they weren't, or still hung around if they were.

"Is the rain ever going to stop?" I heard from a friend. No, it isn't, Climate Change, baby!

"The economy sucks! When are things going to get better?" Not any time soon, so buckle in. Like I was saying yesterday Inside Why We're... the system is rigged like a Vegas Casino and the house always wins.

"Why can't I find anybody? dating sucks" Yes it does Brett, yes is does. And they're looking for someone to fill their holes, not to fill yours, so accept you might be stuck in that cycle for a while.....

And then it hit me like a Pimp on his bottom whoe

Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name....

I'm never so good as I am when I have that place that I can always go and be surrounded by friends, knock down a few, and laugh about whatever daily nonsense is going on. In high school it was the basement of a couple of friends, you never had to call, just show up. If they weren't home their mom would throw down the keys.

At Oklahoma State it was the house. My buddies moved in during my 2nd semester and we would have parties where a thousand kids would walk through the door by 10:30 and picked up by cops stumbling around, drunk, 3 miles away by the end of the night. It was right across the street from the dorms and though I didn't live there I might as well have; I had my own key.

McCann's in Astoria was good to me for a long time. I think I was in there literally every night for about a year until the party moved somewhere else. You never do so well (and I mean with the ladies) as you do on your home turf, and it's comforting to know you can just show up and someone you can chill with will be there.

And in Vegas, there was Larry's Villa, the strip club with pregnant dancers and meth addicts that I called my bar, and the Garage. All hail the Garage! (Pronounced Gah - Ridge).

Larry's Villa

No matter how old you get you're still always that kid in the tree house, your home made fort, where all the members of the club gather and find sanctuary from the outside world. Once there, even for just a few hours, everything is ok, the world is right again.

We all need our sanctuary's. But where does one go when you no longer have that place? The real beauty the show "Cheers" is that it captured all of that perfectly. It's why we fall in love with things like Seinfeld, Night Court and Married with Children. Its why we fall in love with the bar down the block, even though its a dump and half the customers are passed out with three green teeth. For some of us, the lucky ones of us, that place is our job, and the rest of the world is a cake walk from there. I've been lucky enough to have a few of those. You always look back on them as something that just can't be replaced.

And looking back, at these places, at the people who filled them, and filled us, it isn't something out of a Bruce Springsteen song trying to re-live our glory days... no, it's more akin to your old favorite room, to where the heart is; Home.

I never had that room in my parents house, I always moved around too much to set roots to a place that way, at one point we up and left about every 8 months. It's difficult to find that place in the world where you know exactly who you are and where you fit in like that, which I guess is why my passion has always been for those people in my life. Why once I call you friend, in my heart, you'll always be just as if we were transported back to that place again, that basement, that house, that bar, that gah-ridge.

So where do you go where everybody knows your name? Where is it that they're always glad you came?

Huh huh, he said came!

It's times like this that we need that the most. So grab me a beer and save me a seat. I'll be right there.

Cleavage, Haircuts and Social Value

I had finally gotten my hair cut last night after a long time in need and it fell in line with the exact conversation that I had been having just before I left the office, which fell in line with exactly what I'd been saying for months now, and not because the barber butchered my head.

Don't worry pal, I'd be crying too if someone made me look like Corey Feldman in Friday the 13th. An aside about Corey Feldman, he claims Hollywood is full of kid touchers. His claim.... he liked it.

This reminds me of the real reason I play Sir Not Appearing in this High School Yearbook. My sister gave me a haircut that made me look like Brian Bosworth, "The Boz"....

Enough said.

The barber shop that I go too isn't giving me cuts that make the ladies swoon and drop trou at the site of me, just a simple solid job that never makes me look like the clown with the rag wrapped on his face, yet I've been going there for years now.

And why? Because they give me something that The Boz couldn't give the Seattle Seahawks and Feldman couldn't give any of his roles after The Goonies.... and that's VALUE!

ANDY! You... GOONIE!

Actually, if you're a fan of The Goonies you should probably check out that site I linked too.

I talk about it all the time, but it can't be separated, every single human interaction everywhere, everytime comes down to a matter of VALUE. In other words, "How does this make my life better?". If it does, then the people will come, if not, ghost town ladies and gents.

There are three barber shops around the corner from my house, yet I drive a ways away to keep going to my place, just for an average cut. Again, why? Because for $12 I'm always greeted with a handshake and a smile. We talk about women and how to make money, two things that consume most of my mind. I've started to learn the game of soccer sitting there, and at the end, a hot towel cleans the garbage little hairs from my head and clears my sinus', something they don't do anywhere else. 

No, there's no Cedric the Entertainer in this place (too bad though, he was funny as hell in that flik), they're a bunch of Russian Jews, but what they do extremely well is, as Henry Ford always said, they show you have much they can give for a dollar as opposed to what they can get out of you for it.

When I lived in Vegas it took me a while to find a barber I got the same good feeling out of, that made me feel I was getting VALUE, making my life better. Then I came upon a small place where an unbelievable Mexican beauty would do the cut, all the while fondling my head and shoving right where I got the full glimpse of her....

No one spoke a word of English in the place, but it didn't matter. All I had to do was utter 4 and 1 and get ready for the show, all for a measely $10. Oh, and she cut my hair too.

Beautiful women have it easy it that sense, without having to think or worry about it when they walk into a room or post something on the net their VALUE speaks for itself. The mistake many of them make is in thinking that the wares that they're showing, outside of a little bathroom material (maybe a little more for those few, those lucky few), provide the rest of us with enough VALUE to make us dip into our pockets to make THEIR lives better without any more effort than showing up. (In many cases they're right)

Life's a party if you're a Hotty

Hold up, the cleavage made me forget where I was going with this.....

OH YEAH! Literally, every single human interaction comes down to the question "How does this person make my life better?" or what value does this person add to my life, even your friends. Just think about that, when people you know get too serious, or they're kind of a drag, you really only put yourself around them when you absolutely have to. But when they're fun to be around you put yourself there every chance you get, and that's the VALUE they bring you, afterall....

You can't put a price on a good time!

Or was that...

Dyn-o-MITE!

Unfortunately, 99% of the world is running around looking at everyone and everything in terms of "How does this make my life better?", how it adds VALUE to THEM. But like my barber, or Henry Ford, success comes when we start to think in terms of "How can I make YOUR life better?"... "How can I add VALUE to YOU?"

But then, if we all thought that way, there would be no greed, no violence, no hatred... the world would be a beautiful place. Speaking of.....

For no other reason than I think this is HOT!!!

I'm angry this morning... And a parade of clowns...

And I couldn't say why.

All I know is that I dreamt last night that I finally spent the night with the woman of my dreams, and when I woke up this morning it was 45 minutes late and she wasn't there, but in her place was this indescribable rage

I don't know if its better or worse to know exactly who that person is for you, especially since if you ever actually got with them they wouldn't be the person of your dreams, but your reality. It's almost a never ending kick in the ass. But then, Anthony Robbins used that energy to become what we know of him today. He lived next door to his dream girl, had to watch as she ran off banging one guy after another, guys with money that he didn't have; he was broke.

But that's not it.

Have you ever felt as if you we on a small boat with no sail or oars in the middle of a dead lake, nothing's moving anywhere and nothing you're doing can change that? That's a metaphor for life, of course. That's usually when Jason pops out and drags you under

But this screaming from this anger, whatever it is, wherever it comes from, letting it out, at the end of the day amounts to little more than howling at the moon

Since acting out in that sort of way really gets nothing done except alienate every one you know though, and makes you feel like a total jackass, you might as well be howling at the moon in a clown suit

Do you see what that kind of behavior gets you? And I've long since decided that if I was going to get caught out there having anything to do with clowns, it was going to be this one

Maybe if I'd been dreaming of her instead I'd have woken up with a smile on my face, grabbing my honker! Officially, this in now my favorite clown of all time. If life is just a circus anyway, how do I get into hers?

Times like this require a change in energy, you have to do your best to look at the things you appreciate in your life. For instance, the other night it only cost me $1 to be reminded how much Nicholas Cage sucks

Yeah, Season of the Witch was total horsesh.... hey, I'm trying to stop cursing here..... but then, how the hell did I not see that coming, right?

Thank God for real life Superheroes like Master Legend! You really need to see this. Seriously. You do.

I was first introduced to Master Legend in the documentary Superheroes. There are real life superheroes out there, they walk amongst us. And if you haven't yet had the pleasure, I highly recommend this flik. There are no words to accurately describe it. And I'm almost positive that a certain lady I know parties with the Brooklyn chapter of heroes from time to time. This feeling in my bones almost guarantees it.

And how do I forget my love for The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia? IMPOSSIBLE!!!

Honestly, I tried to sit through this, tried, almost had someone tie me down so I could, but I couldn't get through even 3 minutes of it. It was because they were too ugly. Seriously, that's what did it. But I promise you one day.... one day....

Though I should feel a kinship with these folks. You see, I'm just New York City White Trash, what we call SHANTY! That's a shanty up above. That could be me on that porch. In Broad Channel. That's precisely how I know how nasty it is to surf in the Rockaways. You see, you can't be happy until you accept who you are, embrace it. And now that I have, in the few short moments that it took me to write this, my anger is gone.

And now, my spirits lifted, my soul is free to pursue that woman of my dreams.

In the immortal words of my hero, my Captain... Master Legend....

"When a man's been injured as many times as I have.... he deserves a beer!"

Oh Captain, my Captain. I think I'll go get one.

With a little help from my friends.....

If you can, click play on the video, it's another soundtrack for the day.

It appears that we've started a revolution! My buddy Mike has started a spot of his own which you should definitely check out; Ramblings of a Fat Necked Zilch.

I met Mike twenty years ago now way back in our high school Creative writing class. That class was the most fun that I've ever had doing anything in my life and Mike was an integral part of our sketch comedy team, so I have absolutely no doubt that he'll be terrific and that you'll enjoy hearing what he has to say.

Back then all I wanted to do with myself was write for Saturday Night Live, and if you look at the cast picture from above you can pick out the heavyweights that were on the show at the time and why it may have been so inspirational to a creative mind. I don't see Mike Myers in there, but he was a huge part also, who can forget Wayne's World? Party on! Of course, that was just before the show completely sucked like it has for the past 15 years now.

I knew that I had something as a writer when I wasn't allowed to work with certain members of the class because we were too good to work together, and as I'm told, the teacher (head of the English department) used my work for years afterwards to show other students how its done.

What I'm amazed at is how many friends that I still have and kept in touch with from my days at Francis Lewis High School and what incredible people that each and every one of them turned out to be. While that may not be such a big thing for many of you reading here, New York City is so sprawling that very few people spend their entire lives surrounded by the same kids they grew up with. When you throw in the twists and turns where life takes you it all adds up to very different, divergent paths for everyone involved. Yet, when I think about the people I talk to and spend my time with the most.... the majority of them went to Lewis.

Speaking of friends, I was having a rough one last Thursday, feeling really down on myself for some unknown reason. So my buddy Kris asked me to come out to Kodiak's on RT 110 in Farmingdale. I had no idea what I was walking into. Apparently it was Karaoke night, but they do it like no other place that I've ever heard of. If you want to sing you have to get up on the stage, with a live band playing behind you, and throw yourself at the mercy of the crowd. They have a gong that gets slammed when you suck, and you get yanked off the stage to the sound of cheering patrons if you're not up to snuff. But they aren't only cheering for silencing those voices that sound like someone's skinning cats in back alleys... NO... when someone gets gonged the bartenders (our bartender was incredible, hot, smart, blew me away) get up on the bar and pour free shots down your throat. That's right, free shots for everyone! It was INSANE!

The place is so good even Rod Stewart showed. He didn't sing; didn't want us to hear the cancer in his throat.

Of course, you're only as good as the company you keep, and usually that amounts to bad things and you becoming the lowest common denominator, but the crew I was with that night made it a total blast and pulled me out of my funk completely. I had such a good time that by 2 AM I found myself drinking with a girl that was the spitting image of Lady Jaye from GI Joe.

I'm not sure what I'm more disturbed about, that when I google Lady Jaye for a pic that I can't get one because all that comes up are images of Spiderman's Mary Jane Watson, or the images that do come up when I see them

I think I'm dating myself here. Scarlet is the only GI Joe female that anyone seems to know anything about, some information age we live in. It's funny, all the different tangents I go off in while I write these things, I can't control them, I just go with it, but now I think I have to go and find this statue

No wonder why everyone loves Spiderman!

So back to my point about friends. In life many of us get down on ourselves, especially when things aren't going they way we want them to or we aren't living the life we meant to live. But you never really know the impact that you have on other people.

After drinking all night Thursday I was completely hung over Friday, in what I should have known was the beginning of a disastrous weekend. For most the of the day I was throwing up at work and couldn't keep anything down, which is why we had no Friday edition of this spot, but I'm a trooper and dealt with it. I left work early to get to a playoff softball game, only to have my tire blow out with no way to loosen a stripped nut to change the tire. I was stuck on the side of the highway in a dangerous spot for 5 hours in the middle of yet another thunderstorm with 1 bar left on my phone. Not exactly the greatest Friday night, right?

Except that the entire night countless numbers of friends continued to check up on me from wherever they were just to make sure that I was alright and to see what they could do to get me out of that mess.

We often lose sight of the things we really do have in our lives, especially when the chips are down and our backs are against the wall. We sometimes lash out, or whine and cry, hoping that someone will see the pain we're in and do something to pull us out of it, only to feel crushed when no one seems to notice. But how often do we ever really ask for help? Most of the time our pride keeps us from doing it.

It never ceases to amaze me though, when we come right out and say it, "I'm in a real bad spot right now, and this is what's wrong" how many people are willing to do so much to get you going again. And in those moments you really get to see what it is, and who it is, that you really have.

Winning in life doesn't mean having the most stuff, the biggest house, the best vacations. The people that stuff attracts disappear when it counts. Winning in life means having people behind you that care enough to always put that smile back on your face.

Party on People!

It's all in how you carry yourself

An usual night of dreams that felt like reality and reality that felt like a dream led to waking to what so far has appeared to be a perfect morning, the sort that fills you with a calm, peaceful feeling, which is exactly what I needed to start me off the right way and get into what I wanted to talk about today.

One of the things that has always calmed me down, and if you know me well then you know how very important that is, is taking pictures. Normally I stay away from taking pictures of people and stick to shots of sunsets and nature, shots like this one here that I took with my point and shoot

But the shots that I always wanted to get kept eluding me because I just wasn't equipped with the proper tools, which meant that I was going to have to actually get a professional grade camera to shoot things like this

I took this shot this past Saturday while wondering around testing the new camera, and MAN did I need to do so with the way things were going. I needed to be calmed more than ever. But in my travels the random events of life seemed to open up to show me some things that maybe I needed to see.

I have no idea who these people are, but he had just proposed to her as I happened to walk by, and they asked me to take a picture for them so that they could remember it. It was nice to be a part of their special moment, even in a very small way, so I took one of my own.

For whatever reason, I've always been a guy that people have done that with. I get asked to take pictures for people all the time. There constantly seems to be someone coming to me for directions, even when I'm in a city that I've never been to before. We don't approach just anyone for this sort of thing, you know that as well as I do. Every one of us has been in a similar situation before, and you have to have a certain comfort level with the stranger you're asking just from how they appear to be.

Well, 93% of all communication is in our body language. We literally say way more to the people surrounding us by the way we're standing around and the look on our faces than with any of the garbage that flies from our mouths. That aura, that energy that emanates, speaks to everyone in proximity.

When I saw this woman in the picture above me she was working with small children, helping to make their day at the park a fun and memorable one. I happened to pass three times while snapping my photos, and with each pass I couldn't help but notice the calm and easy demeanor she displayed and the softness about her. This picture does nothing to do her justice, but even here you can see that in her face. There was a grace, an elegance about her that just melted my heart, and though I doubt very much I'll ever see her again, instantly I thought I saw someone special and it stirred a change in me.

Our chance encounters with the people that walk in and out of our lives are often not a thing to latch on to and hold, but an opportunity to change the way we look at things, what Marianne Williamson calls miracles in her great book A Return to Love.

I'm always talking about the lack of a certain something in our starlets these days, which of course filters down to all the women in our society, that ladies like Olivia De Havilland (up top) had so much of that it poured from them on the screen and moved you.

Where are the Princess Grace Kelly's of the world, the kind of woman that even 30 years after her death the very mention of her name still echoes the embodiment of the word her parents chose to call her by.... Grace.

Or Ingrid Bergman, who you really could believe great men, the Victor Lazlo's of our lifetime, would endure almost anything to get back to, to live for, to inspire them to fight for a better world, or give it all up for.

And of course my all time favorite, Audrey Hepburn. They just don't make women like this anymore.....

Except they do. A chance encounter with a random girl just being herself opened my eyes to something that I either didn't believe that could ever exist again, or perhaps that I had been looking in the wrong places, at the wrong people, for all along. And I began to think about myself, casting the same light on who I am and the way that I act that I had been burning the ladies of the world with.

I've stated in the past how John Wayne was once the embodiment of what is was to be the American man and how as a kid growing up this is what I too was supposed to be, why I often act the way that I do, rough and tumble, out there for everyone to see, A MAN BABY, YEAH! But the truth of the matter is that I'm really probably more like Ash from Army of Darkness in all the wrong ways

"Are all men from the future loud mouth braggards like yourself?"

"No, just me baby.... just me"

Dr. Wayne Dyer always says that you do not attract what you want into your life, you attract what you are, something I firmly believe. When you carry that into the people in your life, if you act like an animal, you'll attract other animals. Act like ghetto trash, you'll attract ghetto trash. Act like Ash... you get deadites

So it's really no wonder that this is the type of woman that I've been finding when I look.

But the woman at the park had me inspired to be more than what I've become, to find all the best parts of myself and have that be the face that I show to the world. In NLP we have a technique that we call modeling, and by that we mean to find someone that displays the characteristics that you want to have yourself and model the way that you behave after the way that they do it. And if you want classy, elegant women in your life, then you have to be more like a man that would be in the same circles of that sort of person. You have to be Cary Grant.

Well, I'm not nearly that good looking, nor am I suave or sophisticated. I may be too much of a Shanty Queens slob sitting on the curb, rough around the edges to hope to pull that off naturally without coming off as try hard. But that doesn't mean I have to be loud and obnoxious either, and I find that when I'm at my best, it's when I'm being the strong, quiet type that takes care of his responsibilities and doesn't worry about the rest. So I may be better off as the Ed Burns type

Well... maybe I don't have his looks either, but if you want to attract a better quality of person in your life, then you have to be a better person. And it's all in the way that you carry yourself. So rather than worrying about who's out there and how good they are, instead concentrate on who you are and how good you can be.

Then the truly beautiful ones will find you.

So who do you want to be?

Earthquakes, Hurricane Irene, 2012 and the end of the World!

First it was the non-stop daily thunderstorms that were beginning to make it look like the biblical floods, then an earthquake that shook the entire east coast, and now we're bracing ourselves for Hurricane Irene which will be barreling through shortly. All of this has seemed to make us forget the long, long winter that dumped snow storm after snow storm on top of us, covering everything in pearly white (or black and yellow here in the city), not to mention that tornados have touched down in the city, and the tsunamis and earthquakes that are killing people in record numbers across the planet. So here it is folks, 2012, end of the world baby.

The real question now is how do you think we're going to go out?

Do you think it's going to be like the John Cusack 2012 flik where the planet goes apeshit all at the same time, ripping the earth apart? That scene with tornados destroying L.A. was really cool, but the rest of the movie pretty much sucked.

Or do you think it's going to be like The Day After Tomorrow and everything north of the Mason Dixon line is going to freeze in a matter of days, wiping us all out? That's probably a better movie than I originally gave it credit, but my only real knock against it was, for a disaster movie, they didn't show enough people dying. And it had one of those messages about the planet. Look, there are more people in earth than any other time in history, probably more than are supposed to be here. People exhale carbon dioxide. If what they say about global warming is true and carbon emissions are to blame, the very act of 7 Billion people breathing will do just as much damage as anything else.

On a side note, one of the co-stars of that movie, the very hot, very sexy Emmy Rossum, gets naked and gets nailed on nearly every episode of Showtimes Shameless. If you haven't seen that show you have no idea what you're missing; it's probably the best show in TV.

But how can we forget about asteroids? Are we in for an Armageddon, destined to go out just like the dinosaurs? You'll hear me say this over and over again, but that movie is the EXACT reason why everything completely sucks these days; a sheer lack of standards. Bruce Willis and his band of outlaw drillers go into space to save the planet from total annihilation. Yeah, right; how far into lift off do you think the fat guy gets before his heart explodes in his chest? Get the hell out of here. And people were saying at the time it was the greatest movie they had ever seen, which tells you all you need to know about what the people have to say.

And it also tells you all you need to know about why Jerry Bruckheimer sucks! If I see one more slow motion walk I'm going to puke. If you didn't know, Team America World Police was made to rip that clown apart. Deep Impact, starring Morgan Freeman and Frodo was a much better, much more realistic movie dealing with the same issue and got completely swept aside by morons.

As much as Bruckheimer sucks ass, I think Tony Scott has to be my favorite director outside of Cameron Crowe. Last night I caught "Unstoppable" on HBO and I was caught on the edge on my seat for the entire ride; not easy to do with a chain chasing a train. Everytime he and Denzel Washington hook up on a project it's always something entertaining. Just look at the list of fliks Scott has directed, Unstoppable, Taking of Pelham 123, Deja Vu, Man on Fire, Spy Game, Enemy of the State, The Fan, Crimson Tide, True Romance, The Last Boyscout, Days of Thunder and Top Gun.

Tony Scott should do an end of the world movie! Denzel can save us all!

Regardless of the situation I think it's about time each of us came up with a plan for what we'd do if it all went bad. It's something we used to discuss on a regular basis in my good ole garage days in Vegas, but it's something we should probably keep in mind all the time. What do you do? Where do you go? Who do you try to save? And finally... one of my favorite thoughts that I like to plan for more than I do for when it all goes bad... how do we re-populate the species!

I know I have my list of who I'm going to save.... they're all on that re-populate list... you know, because you should always try to kill 2 birds with 1 stone.... Emmy Rossum is definitely on it...

AMERICA! F... well, I'll let you finish the rest.

WHY WE TREAT EACH OTHER LIKE CRAP: your situation and your past matter

I have to admit to being distracted this morning; two nights in the past three I dreamt of two women who are no longer in my life, one who was my muse, my inspiration, and the other the ex girlfriend that had done so much damage to me when she left me. They were so vivid and lifelike that I was there, and I've learned enough about the subconscious mind and how the universe is all connected over the past few years to know that something is going on just outside of my understanding.

I am a scientist. It's funny to think sometimes, especially for those of you who know me, but all the same, I am a scientist. While I say some things that many find outrageous and often fight me over, hate me over, nonetheless those things I say as fact as based on years of both research and observation. There are two facts that can not be avoided or discredited no matter who you are. One is that every person everywhere, even scientists, sees the world based on preconceived notions based on their previous knowledge and experience. Basically, the things you think you know and the experiences that you've had before focus what you see in the world around you in every situation moving into the future.

Take a look at this picture and tell me what you see. It's just a blob of spots, right? Be honest.

Now take a look at the picture again and tell me if you see the Dalmatian sniffing the ground in the middle of the picture. OH MAN, something that you didn't notice before magically appears before your eyes now, doesn't it. It's almost impossible NOT to see the dog now that you already know it's there, huh?

Many times people have tried to fight with me over issues of the past, stating that the past doesn't matter. However, with the way that our brains learn, there is simply no separation between your past experiences and every action you take, or how those past experiences shape your future. In fact, until you know exactly how your past affects you in the now there is no other single factor which affects who you, how you perceive things, and how you act accordingly, more.

What do you see here?

Beautiful young Lady or decrepit old woman?

The other truth that you absolutely can not deny is that your situation in life, where you find yourself, really does matter every time. Those of us that are living the life that we want to live and are happy with our current situations will always see the positive, while those who are not, those who are struggling or oppressed, will invariably pick up on the things that are wrong and appear negative until that life situation changes.

As people we love to think of ourselves as being above the animals, however, when you keenly observe the animals in the world its plainley obvious how we act the same way. Take for instance the next few pictures that I took from the Central Park Zoo.

No, I didn't photoshop the look on his face, he's relaxing, taking in some sun

Look at how happy he is, he's got the whole place to himself, no worries

I think I'll got for a dip in the pool.

Now take a look at these three. They're well aware that people are looking at them, trying their best to hide away. There's a big turd sitting right in the middle of the shot, the guy on the right has to turn his head in embarrassment.

This big guy isn't turning his head though, he's living in the lap of luxury

He's got everything just the way he wants it, nothing to worry about

On the other hand, look at this here. I don't know if there can me a more classic picture of New York. He has to eat his food off the floor surrounded by filth and garbage. Pigeons run around stealing from him. The hard concrete and the heat pouring off of it can't feel good on his feet, and while all he wants to do is graze in a nice field, here he is strapped to a heavy cart having to break his back hauling people around.

You should take a walk around Central Park if you can and just try to catch a glimpse of these horses. I have never in my life seen animals so miserable as these poor guys. It's enough to make you never even consider taking a ride.

Here's a guy lying on a park bench, he's reading, relaxing, enjoying his day. This might be someone you would talk to, find out what he's reading if the mood strikes you, right?



Here's another guy lying on a park bench. Does he look as happy? Would you be so eager to find out what he's up to?

No matter who you are or where your situation in life means all the difference. And socially, the way that you're looked upon and treated by others, it matters even more. When someone is the life of the party everyone wants to be around them, they all want a piece, because that improves their situation too. "Hey, this guy is GREAT!"

Yet when they're down on their luck and things aren't going well it's too much effort to be around them because that would be work, that would make others lives harder to lift them up. "Eh, they're a pain in the ass, no fun at all, why would I want to bother with them.

But here's the separation that leads to nearly every social problem we have, and brings us full circle; that past which shapes our lives, how we see the world, and our actions as a result, only matter to us, because others can't see things through our eyes, only their own, and only a select few care to even try.

As my favorite writer Kurt Vonnegut once said "Hooray for Firemen, Sons of bitches that they are in their daily lives, they run into a fire and they're a hero."

It doesn't matter that the guy throwing that rooftop party come from a rich family that bought his expensive rooftop apartment for him. It doesn't matter if he's ever had to suffer the weight of the world on his shoulders. What he stands for, how in acts in times of need, whether or not he looks his nose down on those less fortunate, or if he'll fight for you when the chips are down makes no difference. He throws a great party, he's always a good time, he has all the connections I need to get me where I want to go... he's awesome! (even if he pisses off that roof onto the people going to work every morning, hey, he's not pissing on me)

It doesn't matter that he dropped out of school at 16 to help his mother raise and support the rest of the huge, poor family he had come from after his Dad left her. He's too serious all the time, not enough fun, has no connections and has nothing I want. That guy's no good, why would I want to bother with him?

Yet the past does matter. We take everything that's happened to us before and use that to shape what we do tomorrow. The guy with the rooftop who's had everything come easily will always expect everything to come easily, and it usually does. The guy who's had to give everything up and scratch and claw for everything he has will always see the struggle involved just to keep going through each day, and they usually struggle.

"For every thousand men hacking at the leaves of evil there is but one striking at the root" Henry David Thoreau said. We all do the best we can, make what we believe are the best decisions based on what we know, to try to live a good life. But many, many people simply don't know or can't see how to actually get there. Not unless someone shows them how.

But most people are busy looking for the life of the party. We're all looking for the people who can make our lives better, even when the people they are at heart aren't worth the time of day. Many times we fail to see how we can make other's lives better, even when they're such good people, and only lack the light to show them the way. And then we justify our actions, our own failure in seeing the right things in people by saying "The past doesn't matter" or "it makes no difference what situation you're in".

It's a Social Psychological truth and scientific fact, yes they DO matter.

Our lives are enriched by the REAL people in them. How are you going to make the world a better place? The real difference you can make is in how you treat the people who are in your life every day, not the ones already at the top of the mountain.

 Hurrican Irene, 2011 Police and Fire Games and The Show Must Go On!

There are a lot of ups and downs in life and there's every possibility that I'm Bi-Polar, so this spot could just as well be a chronicle of me losing my mind as it is anything else, but I'm feeling completely crushed this morning, in heart and spirit. As a result I don't have much to say, but feel compelled to do so anyway. I just don't feel right unless I'm sharing something with you good people now, and I've never had been able to stomach the idea of letting people down. So as they say....

THE SHOW MUST GO ON!

Can you imagine if they cancelled the Olympics, how devasting a blow it would be to the competitors in the events after all of their hard work and training? Hurricane Irene is threatening to do just that to the 2011 World Police and Fire games, with some of the events already taken off the shelf. Cops and firemen come from all over the world to compete, so it's a pretty big deal.

In case I hadn't mentioned it before, I have a little something to do with the Bodybuilding portion of the competition which is being held this Saturday at the Jacob Javits Center. Well.... these guys didn't work this hard for the event for nothing, and we're pushing through to give them their chance before the storm hits. SCREW YOU IRENE!

THE SHOW MUST GO ON!

Did you watch the video? Are you seeing Freddy Mercury in that pink sweater and wig? I don't know, but this may give me nightmares. Then again, I had another weird dream last night as it is, and it's not like I'm going to keep myself from falling asleep like I'm trying to avoid that other Freddy. In case you can't see the video though, I'm not suffering through that mess alone. Have a look.

That mustache reminds me of a girl I used to be involved with.

Alright, so I just don't have it today. I've been pretty much leveled like they're expecting the landscape to be after this coming storm and at the moment I don't see where to go to pick myself up anymore. It's come to the point where it all seems so hopeless. How many of you have ever felt that way before? How many of us have been overwhelmed by the sense that there's nothing left for you in this world and you've already tried everything, and now there's nothing left that you can do about it?

The greatest gift my father ever gave me were these words... "Tomorrow's another day." However terrible it all may seem, tomorrow is another day, and it can all turn around in a flash. We're staring down natural disasters, economic disasters, the death of morals and standards and it seems that while we can all see the problems no one has come up with any solutions. For many of us, it's all beginning to look bleak and desperate. But what, are we just going to pack it in, give up?

I've spent my entire life down, but not out... close, but not out. And even when I can't get myself out of bed anymore, the idea of failing, losing, quitting, makes me so sick to my stomach that the fires begin to burn....

"Our greatness as men lies not in never falling, but in rising each time we fall."

Tomorrow's another day... but I've still got the rest of this one... and besides, as long as you wake up in the morning, and there's an audience to play for, to laugh for, to fight for, to live for... as long as you're still in the game....

THE SHOW MUST GO ON!

Normal Sucks! Unless....

I tend to do these things as the mood strikes me; I'll have a few ideas in mind that I want to go with but I never do and wind up having to revisit them a few days later. In a sense it frees me, yet at the same time, I hate when I've got something really good that either goes to waste or sounds forced when I finally put it up just because I had to get it up. But I guess that's how inspiration goes. How many of us live our entire lives like that?

For instance, I had a killer piece that I wanted to give you on the VMA's, but that went out like a floater on the tide with the aftermath of Irene. And what's up with the guy who shrinks everything from Friends? She looks like Adam Goldberg!

That bitch hit more like a grenade than the weapon of mass destruction it was supposed to be; didn't hit dead on but the shrapnel ripped everything around me to shreds.

I have to be thankful though, and once again, it's another vision of how lucky I am and how it could always be worse. Friends still have houses under water.

As The Man would say, "You need this...". It's the really bad that puts everything in perspective for you, shows you how good you've got it when things are normal. Most of the time we can't stand normal. Normal Sucks!

The truth is.... I can't remember normal. It's been years. It's felt like decades. I would kill for normal. And the way the world has been I think most of us feel the same way on that.

Of course, psychologically speaking, there's no such thing as normal, just what most of us agree isn't completely perverse or degenerate behavior. If we all agreed not to shower or change our draws, if we all picked our nose and ate it, then that would be normal. Normal is conforming to the society around you.

If you think I'm wrong, check out a Phish concert.

And then of course, there's N.O.R.M.L

Look that one up.

College Football, the long weekend, and a punch in the face!

It's a beautiful Friday morning just before a long weekend that many of us really need and deserve following what has been a disasterous week, so I'm going to try to keep things light today.

I had meant to write a few things last night in preparation for this spot this morning, but couldn't get into any of it, and found myself in cranky, nasty mood until I saw this video that my good friend Walt sent me. It cracked me up because it's so damn true, so I want you to listen to what ole boy is saying here, because, if you're a guy there's no way you haven't been here before and if you're a lady you've at least seen it in action.

New York Yankees Catcher Jesus Montero on making his Major League Debut last night:

"I felt like I was dreaming," Montero said. "It was like somebody punched me in the face or something like that. This is a great night tonight. This is amazing for me."

Listen pal, if you want that amazing dream like feeling of somebody punching you in the face, I can hook you up every day if you really need it.

You know I love watching women beat on each other, not that I'm sure that's what's going on here, if they're women that is, but young Montero may have a point of the bliss of getting cracked in the grill. Don't take my word for it, listen to someone you know and trust, someone like Mr. T

I don't know about you, but Mr. T was one of my heroes growing up, an icon. He was credited for all of his positive influence over the little children of America, check it out

Seriously, what's up with this little kid? Look at that look on her face. Some things you can see from a mile away, you just know it right from the beginning. One day she'll grow up to make some lucky guy absolutely miserable. It could be you. See You Next Tuesday!

In Asia they do things a little different, take it to a whole new level, go all in. When you get smashed in the kisser over there you don't just get your nose busted, they tear your clothes off.

Speaking of Asians, what's this chick about to do? She's definitely eyeing someone, and something naughty is about to go down. Tell me if you're thinking what I'm thinking

That's right sweetheart, you know what we like. If you're into Asian women, and let's face it, who isn't, you might want to check out this page Asian Poses. I really don't know anything about so don't get pissy with me if you catch a virus, but those are some real cute ladies in those shots for sure. Hopefully it has nothing to do with kiddy porn or we're all going down with the ship.

I was going to go to a big family reunion this weekend....

Yeah, I don't think I'm going to go afterall....

This weekend I'll be watching three nights of Phish from Colorado. I bring them up often, and you may wonder why, but yesterday I caught a great article that really captures everything about the entire experience, and why I've seen them so many times despite knowing very few of their songs. Read Blurring the Rail, it's a really well written piece.

After reading the article the question of the ages came up, one that as a student of human behavior I already know the answer to, how much of everything that's done out there, what people are into, what they talk about, is about the love, and how much of it is about the hype? If you're honest with yourself you'll come to conclusion that most of what you do has nothing to do with the true heartfelt joy you get from it, but from the popularity contest in showing it off.

Did I say show off? Speaking of the love, have you seen the new AT&T add? I use them for my service and after this I'm never changing. Talk about knowing your target audience.

I told you... the Peacock is EVERYWHERE!!!

So we're coming upon Labor Day weekend, which sadly rings the end of summer, but when one thing dies another is born... and this weekend the College Football season is born to all of our great applause. So sit back, relax, enjoy yourself, and keep things light....

Make that a Bud Light!

And you need a little help with anything give me a call

Unemployment, Shootings in New York City, Labor day and acting right...

Now that Labor Day has passed the summer is officially behind us (though not scientifically speaking until Sept. 23). It's 62 degrees in New York and, of course, raining some more, but what else is new. College Football has started and Notre Dame sucks once again, their season over before it began due to the sort of mistakes that can only be categorized as bad coaching. It was a weekend full of that sort of negative vibe.

What the hell is she doing?

I mean, yeah, that's one big ass tree, but she's been

standing like that staring at it for hours. There's been an

epidemic of people doing whacky nonsense out there.

39 people were shot in New York city over a 2 day span from Noon Saturday until Monday afternoon this labor day weekend. A lot of that may be attributed to the West Indian festivities that kicked off, or at least that's what the papers claimed, apparently this sort of thing happens every year during the West Indian festivities. I don't really pay much mind it, but that's downright disturbing. Most of the shootings were in Brooklyn; most of the shootings happened at parties, or at the hands of people who just left a party. There's no better way to celebrate anything than shooting up a room full of teenagers I tell ya!

I suspect this guy is behind it all.

Just look at him. If that's not a kid toucher, I don't know

what is. Last time I saw him he was trying to capture

the Ambiguously Gay Duo.

This is an old stat back from around 2005 or so, but 44 Americans are murdered every day, and that's not counting other violent crimes, just when they were actually killed. That's compared to 4 soldiers dying per day combined in wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. You can get the figures off the FBI's website if you really want to do the research, but it just goes to show you that it's still not all that safe out there. Just because something bad hasn't happened to you... YET... doesn't mean you're protected in your magic bubble. Especially if you live in Brooklyn. That's not a shot or a crack at Brooklyn, it's just the truth.

Whatever it is that he did,

he was just following orders.

That's what henchmen do.

But don't try to get him to rat

out his boss... he aint talkin...

 I can't imagine that those numbers have gotten any better; if anything they're probably worse. We're not just facing an economic crisis, a depression, we're also facing a crisis of conscience. Somewhere along the line we stopped holding ourselves to higher standards, we stopped enforcing the basic rules of decency out there which holds firm that there are things that are acceptable and things you just don't do. People really just don't know how to act anymore, and that doesn't come out of weekend shootings, those are the end result. The shootings are a result of the little things built up to an explosion, it's talking in movie theatre's, driving in the middle lane all the way to the end of an exit ramp and cutting in on the line of cars doing it the right way, not saying "thank you" when someone holds a door open that's got us here.

Look at this poor woman. She's hunched over in

embarrassment, grabbing her ankle, crying in pain

while he tosses her around in front of a cheering

crowd like its a damn Roman arena.

Can you really blame him though? Just look at that

shirt. You can't pull off pimp without beating your women.

He's going to blame Dr. Venture there up top.

Until we fix the breakdowns in the very fabric of our society and restore that sense of pride in doing the right thing nothing that happens economically will make much of a difference. We'll only destroy it all over again. Greedy people will take advantage because they can get away with it. Animals will continue to act as if might makes right because we prove to them that it's true everyday. Stupid people do stupid things, and desperate people do desperate things, and when you throw millions of stupid desperate people together with no vision of a better way, a better world, a better you and no hope for a better life.... whoa, that's a powder keg sitting on top of 100 year old unstable dynamite, isn't it?

Its good she's not reading in the dark, but

someone should tell he that sitting a foot

in front of a 4 foot tower of ultraviolet light

isn't good for the eyes either. Her eyesight was

perfect until she bought that damn lamp. Dr. Zeus

made her do it. I told you... whacky!

And why would we be desperate? Because not only is the unemployment rate in the U.S. at 9.2% as of this weekend, but the underemployment rate is at 16.7%, thrilling news that also came out of this Labor Day weekend. In case you don't know, the underemployed are those of us that have jobs but don't make enough money at those jobs to pay the bills. The underemployed are the ones working 2 part time jobs at 70+ hours a week just to get by, only to have to do it all over again tomorrow.

Right now 25% of the country can not take care of themselves. Yet adding to that desperation, in our consumer driven materialistic party all the time society, we're still putting all the value on the "Haves" while looking down on the "Have Nots". Worse still... no one has any answers as to how to fix it.

Blame the Chinese, they're behind everything.

Who do you think is funding Dr. Moreau up there?

Outsourcing your devious plots for total global domination

keeps the hands clean and frees up a lot of time for

more important activities like....

KARAOKE!

All of this has even made the likes of self improvement guru Anthony Robbins go on a Labor Day Rant! This is a long video, but you should really listen to what he has to say in it. There were some specific points he made in it, things I've said a lot and got slammed for in the past such as:

"I'm not talking about positive thinking bullshit"

"Everyone wants a piece of you when things are good. When you're down the people who are full of it disappear and you find out who your real friends are."

"You need a breakthrough"

He says these things straight out in this clip, and it points out why, of all of these people cropping up doing what he does, that he's still the best. What he acknowledges that the "positive thinking" crowd refuses to is that even if you do everything right you still need opportunities, you still need something to happen, and for many of us, those breakthroughs just don't come, and they certainly haven't or aren't coming any time soon.

And there it is, the evidence, the crux of the plan....

they're going to replace all of our women with

cardboard cutouts.

If you want companionship you'll have to go through

them now. Cardboard cutouts are just fine. You can even

talk to them a bit. Its when they start answering back

that you have to worry.

Robbins hits on the same rock wall that I've been smashing myself against for the better part of my lifetime, and certainly over the past few years, and that's that no matter how hard we try to improve our situation, there are times that nothing you do can change it and there's really nothing that you can do about it. This follows right along the path of Eastern philosophy when they say that life has pain, all we can do is decide how we feel about it, how we let it affect us. As Anthony Robbins says, when it really hits the fan and everything is out of our control, all we can do is focus on the things that we CAN do something about. Often the only thing that is is how we think or how we act.

They're letting us keep one or two of the ladies

around, just in case we need a little something extra....

like two front teeth... or are those the bottom teeth?

And as if the Universe needed to hammer that point home, that sometimes things just don't go your way and there's nothing that you can do about it but accept the situation and let go of the frustrations caused by fighting a fight you just can't win and stop fighting just for the sake of fighting... I got word Friday night that Jess, my ex that left me in the middle of the night, is now engaged to be married.

It was an odd feel that washed over me; I wasn't upset at all. Quite the contrary, I'm actually about as happy for her as I can be. Whatever happened, I take the blame for it; I could have loved her a whole lot better than I did, and marriage was what she always wanted. Hopefully she'll be able to squeeze out a kid or two too. I gained a large sense of relief because I couldn't give her what she wanted, but she didn't lose out on it because she wasted time with me.

Of course, ever since it's seemed like the whole world has stopped. You can't help but think in these situations "what about me?", and I've done my share of that. I've accomplished so much since she left, but every bit of it has felt completely empty because I've had no one to share it with (another thing Robbins mentions often), and nothing I've done has done anything to change that.

But never fear... These guys are on the case.

Have you ever seen a sight that's filled you with

a greater sense that all will be well.

No matter how heinous the plot devised by Dr. Evil...

These guys will save us!

For everything that's happened over the past couple of years, all the hard work that I've done, all the life lessons learned, all the goals knocked off the list, I find myself right back in the same exact situation I fought so hard and did all of those things to get out of 5 years ago and more. And the people that I carried with me all that time, the ones I've been scarred by, have all moved on to other lives and seemingly left me behind, no longer even a dot in their rearview.

Hearing of the engagement took all the fight I had left out of me. Not in a bad way, but in that way you only find through acceptance. This is what it is; this is life. Maybe not for others, but this is what life is for me. And so it's time to stop fighting for all those things out there, focus on the few things you can actually do something about, and try to enjoy whatever it is that does come to you.

And we'll all live happily ever after...

THE END!

I like myself a lot, even if very few others do. I just don't like the situation I'm in, and no matter how hard I've tried I can't do anything to change it. I wonder how many of us have said the very same thing, felt that very same way. But being depressed about it doesn't work either. How does that make anything better?

Instead I said "Fuck it", the 2 most powerful words in the English dictionary as the best teacher I ever had, John D. Vasques, said often. I spent Labor Day weekend watching 3 kick ass Phish concerts and eating Barbecue with The Man and caught my favorite Elvis flik.

And there was much rejoicing.

So what really is the point then in today's ramble if it's not to say how bad things are and we're all screwed? It's this... even when nothing's working for you you can still always decide how you feel about it. Work on being a better you, even if that means saying "to hell with it" and having yourself a good time. Sometimes it's all you can do.

The Truth About Marijuana, Trampoline Dodgeball and things just done well....

As I get older I appreciate things that are just done well more and more, especially if its something that I'm into like photography, sports, video, random ridiculous fun.... but all too often as people we get caught up in talking about and tearing down the things we don't like. Well, I've been looking at some things, and every once in a while I have to take a step back and point out to you good people some of those cool things that I've found and give credit to the people who brought it to you.

For instance, if you're a fan of David Bowie then you might get a kick out of the fact that illustrator Andrew Kolb has turned "Space Oddity" into a picture book for kids. Personally I'm not much of a Bowie fan outside of Labrynth, but I really dig the creativity it required to even make the attempt, and the author is giving it away for free. That in itself is cool enough to check out.

How cool is this shot?

Taken from thatcutesite.com

Now, I can really see the potential for people mangling themselves in so many ways with this, but at the same time it looks like it could be the most ridiculously fun thing to do that I've heard of in a long time. I'm talking about Trampoline Dodgeball. I've never been one to subscribe to the notion that Dodgeball ruins self esteem in the little ones... I was a little one and I LOVED dodgeball, mostly because I wasn't a spaz, but this takes the buffoonery to a whole new level. I'm PSYCHED that they're opening a place about an hour away from me in Valley Cottage, NY in October at a place called Bounce and can't wait to get in there! Some of you are coming with me.

By now you know how much I can't stand the no talent hacks coming out of Hollywood, and I've said that as visually stunning as James Cameron's Avatar was, it seemed like a bunch of other movies pieced together. SO when I saw this I cried; it's brilliant and you should take a look. Disney's Pocahontas, er, Jame's Cameron's Avatar.... I think you nailed this Matt Bateman!

This is just an absolutely stunning picture of Hadrian's Wall

Taken from hadrians-wall.org

I've never been the type to worry about dropping good money on a good meal, and checking out new restaurants is something that I really enjoy, especially if there's something about it that you just can't get anywhere else. So when I saw this about Ithaa Restaurant, an underwater eatery so deep that the last Tsunami had no effect on it, I just had to check it out. For all I know the food could taste like rubbish, but then you're not really going down there for the food, are you? My friend Joanne is going to have to take me one day in her many travels, because that's what she does. It'd be cool to have a place like this around here, but the idea of watching that last turd I flushed float by above my head isn't exactly condusive to fine dining.

And here's something I just thought could come in handy, its a battery with a USB port, check it...

Pretty sick, huh? You tell me how primitive people

were able to pull this off without the help of aliens.

Taken from tourexpi.com

I have some strange obsession with yards completely enclosed by the house surrounding it all under a greenhouse roof, sort of like the way they have things set up at Sam's Town in good ole Las Vegas. I have some strange obsession with Real Estate in general really, the design of the building, the landscaping, the space, all of it. If there's some mix of sick architecture surrounded by mother nature I'm all in. So I think my next vacation has to be to this place in Ecuador, the Mashpi Lodge in the Mashpi Rainforest. Heating, cooling and power are some of the things I always have rolling around in my head when I think of these things, as in how to get them, and seeing they use hydroelectric in the jungle knocked my socks off. Beyond that, the place just looks incredible, and as long as I don't have to worry about Guerilla's (the ones with guns) it seems like an amazing experience. Hell... the Guerilla's would be an experience....

I didn't add a caption here for this because it's just one of many unbelievable shots that they have up at The Cool Hunter. If you're a fan of photography, or just beauty in general, then you absolutely owe it to yourself to check this out. I am completely in awe of the talent that it takes to even see these shots, much less find a way to present it to the world, and seeing them has me inspired. This is the kind of thing I could dedicate my life to. This is the beauty that's out there that most people never get to see and would be better just knowing it's out there.

This could be photoshopped, Bonsai trees growing out

of cracks in the side walk seems a bit far fetched, but

I still love shots like this. You find these things everyday

if you just take the time to look.

Taken from themetapicture.com

NFL Football is about to kick off this weekend, which has everyone on the planet pumped, so it's as good a time as any for me to reach back and throw this out there. I'm a HUGE sports fan, and an admitted stat geek, so when the new Total Quarterback Rating came out it just about gave me a hard on. They finally have an all encompassing statistic that tells you exactly how important every player on the field is. This really does cover every scenario that pops us, as seen in this Guide to Total QB Rating and I for one CAN'T WAIT till pulls the card on all of those over hyped over rated "stars" of the game out there.

Uh... just because...

Her name is Heather Doss... but I won't post a link because

she gets.... neked!

Here's what you all came for, I know. The Truth About Marijuana. I haven't done my fact checks on this, but from what I know about human nature, conspiracy theory, and how the machine is rigged to run, everything that's said in here makes total sense. I hadn't heard this angle before in anything that I've read, so look into it on your own before you take it as fact, as you should with everything, but if nothing else it's an interesting take on the subject. The article is more than 15 years old now, so I'm surprised that it's even still up, but read it and let me know what you think.

Finally, speaking of things done well, my very good friend Thaddeus over at TMCtheShow sent me this video up above. You have to be a fan of Star Wars and remember the old TV show Dallas and how it was done to truly appreciate it, but man did they nail this clip. It was done perfectly. And if you haven't done so already then be sure to check out TMCtheShow, they're doing some really great things and I know you'll enjoy it.

Love Triangles and what only comes with Experience....

I wonder if I should be disturbed by the fact that I can tell what movie someone is watching on the computer behind me just by the sound of the voices, not even by what they're saying. I probably watch too many damn movies.

I was in a pissy mood for much of the afternoon because of an argument I never wanted to get into. A lady friend has herself a new boyfriend, and since that's happened I've been distant and she couldn't understand why.

How do you write your women so well?

I think of a man, then I take away

accountability and reason

Five times it's happened to me, women that I spoke to all day everyday about everything completely cut me off once they got themselves a new boyfriend. Five times. Somehow it actually makes things worse that none of these women were people that I was interested in. They were all girls that I had dated before hand and for whatever reason we were just better when we weren't. It's the only thing that's kept me from being Ducky.

The truth of the matter is that they did exactly what SHOULD be done. You (and by that I mean the ladies) can't have that kind of relationship with one guy while you're dating another. All of those things, talking about your problems, cards and crap to cheer you up, flowers just to make you smile.... that's your boyfriends job. There's no room for two roosters in that hen house. And if you can't turn to your man for those things, well, that's your problem, you chose poorly, and you shouldn't be with him.

At the end of the day, whatever you want to call it, when one thing begins another thing ends. That's the circle of life. When we're young our friends are our lives. As we get older and it's time for wives and husbands, we just don't have as much time for beers and bullshit anymore; those relationships with our old friends have to change. And when the kids come there's barely enough time for wives and husbands. That's just the way it is; natural progression.

No matter how you chalk it up, a girl trying to keep the guy friend and the boyfriend wants to have her cake and eat it too, and it's not fair to either of them. It doesn't work for more reasons than there's space to list here, and eventually someone, if not all three of you, is going to get emotionally mangled over the whole affair. It's simple social dynamics, and why so many of the tragedies in literature from the beginning of time centered around the love triangle.

One of the coolest things about getting older, I've always felt, was the day that I began to understand my parents and the things that they did while I was growing up. Not that they did the right thing, but that I had experienced enough life to see why they may have thought their actions were best at the time. And just like them trying to explain it to 15 year old me, there's just no way that I could make that particular girl understand what I was getting at before, why I was backing away. There are just some things that you can only truly know from having lived through it. And just no way of teaching these to others if they haven't, which is why teenagers think they know everything until they hit their 20's. And 20 somethings swear they know it all until they hit their 30's, and so on and so forth.

It's crazy to think about, but it really did hit me last night, now that I'm in my mid- 30's (and any of you there with me will relate) I really am at a different level than most anyone still in their 20's. And when you've lived a hard life like I have, as opposed to those fortunate enough to have had the Cancun resort vacations with their friends twice a year and Brooklyn rooftop parties every weekend, that level of experience becomes an entirely different animal, because there's a place mired in that grimey underbelly of hard knocks that age alone won't get; the kind you only know when life stomped its foot down on your throat and refuses to take it off. Trying to get people at lower levels of experience to understand what you're saying, where you're coming from, and that you know what you're talking about because you've seen it over and over again is as futile a gesture as me trying to read Chinese. Especially if they are those 20 somethings with the Cancun vacations and out there "living life man", because they know everything, they won't listen. Just like your parents, the only thing you can do is step back and say "Alright then, drop that TV on your head you little bastard!", and wait for them to reach the day that they've experienced enough to understand you.

And so here I am finding the real challenge that I'm facing, and I bring this up because many of you right now are experiencing the very same thing, and it also brings us full circle. I hadn't realized it because of where I was at the time, but I quietly slipped into that stage where it's time for wives and husbands, as have most of my friends. A 20 something told me a few months back, "what about you, you've gotten old and you're not even that old yet", but that isn't it at all, rather I've gotten to a place where getting drunk and puking on my self, staying out all night and dragging my ass into work the next day has lost its luster and my minds focus, my heart, has turned to other things. Things like family; things like legacy; and we all make that transition eventually.

But as your friends get married and have kids, as they make that transition themselves, the pool begins to dwindle. And with the economy the way it is, many of us are right back to the same situation we were in back in our 20's, broke and struggling to find good work, unsure if you're ever going to be able to pay those bills and find your way to the mountain top. So you're left hanging between 2 worlds, being the old guy at the bar with the 20 somethings who really can't get where you're coming from (or rarely at least) even if they tried and are still in that party stage anyway, or the ones on your level, who are scarce and hard to meet as it is, that are either looking for a stability that you can't give them, or are where they are and available because they're a complete train wreck of a human being.

I guess I'm of the train wreck variety if I'm honest with myself. The curse is that I'm self aware enough to realize it. Which only adds more obstacles to this minefield.

So I write this for all of you who are feeling out of place in the world right now, those who feel like the boat has left and you're not on it....

You're not alone out there.

I may not have the answers for you... I may not have them for myself... but we can find them together.

A deeply personal note from me to you... because you're incredible...

A lot of people had gotten to me yesterday about how much they could relate with what I was talking about. I had known that what I said was good and right because it came from that place where I was being as honest as a person can possibly be.

For a long time I had worried about what others thought about my work and what I was doing in pretty much all of my work and all of what I was doing. The end result became a sort of half truth that only proved to suppress me in the same way that all of my dead end jobs I never wanted to be at in the first place did. It was evident in my writing; even when it was good something was missing, and it failed to make that same sort of connection as yesterday's piece.

I have spent a long time now studying people, and there are two truths that have been since the first human breath was taken, and will always be true until the very last. Both involve our longing. The first is our longing to freely express our soul, as we do as children, to pour all of the joys of our heart into the world around us through our work, our play.

You show me a person who's forced to do things that they don't want to do too often and I'll show you a miserable bastard. Show me a person that doesn't have opportunities, for whatever the reasons, fear, oppression, to show off who it is that they really are through the things that they do and I'll show you desperation.

The other thing that we all long for is that sense of connection with our fellow man. We need to know that people get us, understand how we feel; we need to understand them. We need to know that we matter. We all, every one of us, need to feel loved, that we're not alone in the world, that we make a difference in people's lives, that we make those lives better.

You show me someone who feels alone in the world and I'll show you a person on the edge. You show me a person who feels like they don't matter and I'll show you a person who's lost everything, who's lost hope.

I've been driven to do most of everything that I've done so far in life by all of the worst in people. I was ruthlessly abused by my peers for all of the things that I didn't have, growing up as poor as can be. In many ways that still happens every day. No matter what I've ever done, it was never good enough for any of the people I surrounded myself with, I was never good enough, and that tainted the lens through which I see the world and left me jaded. In many ways I'm still not good enough. I became terrified to express who I am; I developed major depressive disorder, which I still deal with daily.

Many people have told me, and will tell me, that if I want to make a career of being a Life Coach then I can't show that side of myself. I can't be weak. I always have to put my best foot forward. I think that's a total crock of shit.

If you read my blog daily I take you along with me on my ups and downs. Some days I'm happy; some days I'm sad. Some days I'm strong, full of fire, and some I'm crushed by the days events. That's because I'm human, a man, real. It's precisely because of my pain that I can empathize with others' pain. It's because I've felt what they feel that I can see hurt in their eyes and my soul cries out to help them never to feel that again. It's because I don't want to hurt that I don't want you to hurt. It's because I, for so long, have been unable to express myself that I want you to be able to do so, to pour everything into realizing your dreams.

And that's precisely why I know how good I can be at this.

We all see the world in a certain way based on where we've been, what we've seen, who we're with and what has happened to us from our first thought to this moment right now. It's something I bring up often, and for good reason. Who we are and what we do rolls right off of that, is a direct result of it.

Our only real success in life comes from how well and how often we're able to fulfill those two longings, to find that self expression, in making that real human connection. That's where true happiness lies. And you can never find happiness without it. I've never been very good at either, and it's impossible not to see the marked difference in me when I am able to pull it off. But in my struggle to do so I've come to a great understanding of myself. 

I've never been the guy people seek out for a good time, never the one they think about when things are good. But, like a priest, they come to me when in need and disappear once fulfilled. The things that I do for that great release, writing, my pictures, Personal Performance Consulting (I like that one), are not and can not be the sort of thing I throw out in your face and convince you to want, or need, or get into. As such, I can not myself be something that I can convince people to want, or need, or be into. Rather, they have to be there when you need them, to connect, to see beauty, to make you feel better about who you are. I have to be there for you when you need.

This blog started as one thing, and became something very different. It's become my way of showing you all how I see the world. It's become my way of showing you who I am. And when you enjoy it, when you can relate, when you agree with or know what it is that I'm saying, when you feel the same, then in those brief moments you are connecting with my heart; you're one with my soul. In those moments you are me, and I am you. In those moments... I'm not alone. In those moments I'm free, and I matter.

For all of those reasons I thank you with every fiber of my being.

And I love you.

Sincerely,

John LaSota

9/11 - Exactly what is it that we'll never forget?

First I want to thank you all for the tremendous, overwhelming response to my last post. I had a great, great weekend, which I'll go into more detail about during the week, and I'm tired but it would probably be irresponsible of me not to address the 10th anniversary of Sept. 11.

I didn't watch a single second of the coverage on television; the images are ingrained in our memories as if etched in stone. I didn't need to see that again. There will be no pictures of any of that in my posts. This will not be about politics, or terrorism, or anger, or revenge. This will not be about conspiracies or what I believe to be the truth behind that day. Instead I'll talk about that day, that week, as I experienced it and the message that I always try to take from it.

I was born and raised in New York City, and with the exception of the three years I spent in Vegas and a year at Oklahoma State, I've lived here my whole life; thirty years I've lived here. But I wasn't in New York that day, my sister, her husband and I were in Orlando Florida.

We got an early call from one of my sisters to turn on the T.V. and watched it all unfold live. There's no need to tell you the rest of that, you know it well enough.

New York can be a hard place. It's a hard life. But you never realize how much you love a place, or the people, how much they're a part of you. Two grown men wandering around Orlando with tears in their eyes so thick that there was just no wiping them away brought all of those raw emotions to the forefront for everyone to see.

It wasn't long before cell phone service was done, and we were left in the dark. My oldest sister, a detective with the NYPD, was stationed down the block at the time, we feared she may be in there. My father ran a place off of Broadway just a block away. I had only left a job at the Patrolman's Benevolent Association just a few months earlier and still had many, many friends (many of you reading right now) who would have been getting off of the trains which ran beneath the trade center right at the time the planes hit.

What was happening, and to whom, we just didn't know. And there was no way to find out. That was the worst part of it for us down there, that we just didn't know. It would be days before we found anything out. The three of us took turns randomly breaking into tears, bawling like babies.

As it happened we were scheduled to go to Seaworld's Discovery Cove, a place that only allows limited crowds per day. You have to make an appointment. Most everyone we encountered had been sympathetic, and it's in times like this, when something bigger than all of us snaps us out of our usual self occupied focus that we really get to see how good most folks really are, how much we empathize, how much we care for one another. Or course, invariably, there always has to be some jackass too stupid to get it, acting like fools because they don't fear repercussions because no one holds them to task.

Two clowns at the park screamed "In Coming!", laughing about it as we waited to swim with dolphins. Stepping out to where they could see us, red lines staining out cheeks, and a low but firm "we're from NY you asshole" wiped the smile and jokes from their faces quickly. It's amazing how quickly it usually does with that sort of clown, isn't it?

But there's real magic in the world around us every time we walk outside our door, especially in the natural things, all one has to do to see it is know where to look. Discovery Cove is set up so that you experience some of that natural magic. We swam with sharks that day; we swam with dolphins.

That was an experience like no other with an absolutely amazing creature. Dolphins are graceful, yet powerful, intelligent and loving. No words of mine are sufficient to describe the feeling of exhilaration as one of these majestic animals pulls you through the water. And it's insane how you can just feel how happy they are that you're there with them.

There's a picture we have from that day that I don't need to see, I can picture it as I write this, of my sister riding that dolphin, and the pure joy on her face. Her and I have been through so much together over the years; that look on her face is one of my best memories. By the time we got back to the time share our emotions had worn us down; we were in no shape to go anywhere, do anything. But watching more of the horrible footage just wouldn't do, so we rented a movie.

There's not much in the world that I love more than a good story, and my love of movies stems from the need to escape life's pains; for two hours you're transported into another world, for two hours all of your problems disappear. We rented The Legend of Bagger Vance that night, a film about God and fate and finding our own path in life, our natural swing. It stars Matt Damon, Will Smith and Charlize Theron, directed by Robert Redford. The flik went down as one of the biggest flops in all of their careers, but there were parts that just made us laugh. My brother in law and I still scream "BALLS!" because of it all these years later, and it's one of my favorite movies to this day.

9/11 forced the closing of Disney World, the happiest place on earth, so we went to Seaworld instead. Devil and I sat as close as possible to Shamu the whale and came out out of the show completely drenched. Being owned by Anheuser Busch, Seaworld had 'beer school', which we had to attend. Each person gets 1 free sample; drunks as we are, we each had 6. I have a picture hanging on my wall; it's my brother in law and I thoroughly soaked, smiling from ear to ear.

The next day we went to Epcot Center and grabbed a beer at every bar in every country in the place. That adds up to a lot of beer; we were loaded. I had to fulfil one of my great pleasures of the time, taking picture with people I don't know. On the monorail on the way back a three year old girl pointed up at my brother in law and scolded him, clear as day, "You're a bad piece!" I can't tell you how hard that made me us laugh.

We had to drive back home from Florida, going through a tropical storm that literally blinded us on the way. My sister has brass balls even attempting that and a few days later we were making our approach to the city, Even a week later you could see the smoke hanging in the air for miles. There was a sickening hole in the skyline.

I happened to be one of the lucky ones from that day, none of my people had been lost. Many people who are very dear to me couldn't say the same, having lost people very dear to them. Often I feel guilty that I wasn't here, not that I could have done anything, just to have been there with, and for, my people, my city. I probably always will, but it is what it is.

Since then, 9/11 has often been used for cheap propaganda and to push political agenda. It's been used as an excuse to lash out in anger, to pigeon hole us into the "if you're not with us, you're against us" mentality. And for every "never forget" plastered all over facebook, I fear in twenty years it'll just be another excuse for a barbecue, and to utter lines of crap just for attention, but making it seem like we care. I know in twenty years facts will come out that make the whole thing very different in our minds.

But when I think of that time I want no part of images of desperate people hurling themselves 100 stories to their death. I prefer to think about natures amazing creatures, one of the happiest smiles I've ever seen on my sisters face, Bagger Vance and trying to find my natural swing, the beautiful innocence and perfect intuition of little children and the worlds only confirmed bad piece. I prefer to think about how the great little details in life can take away the greatest pains, even if just for a while.

Of course, it's so much easier for me; I didn't lose anyone; I didn't have to walk home that day, terrified, through dust and debris, through living hell. But I prefer to think of my people, my nation, coming together and showing our pride in who we are, in each other, our once great country and the hope that we can be great again. Americans used to live for America, for that ideal of something bigger, better than all of us; we rarely do that anymore. And I prefer to remember seeing how much we really care about each other, and how we collectively pick each other up when we're so down.

But I cry too. Why does it have to take the worst of the world to show us the best of it, the best of us? If we could see that, be that, everyday, travesties like 9/11 would never occur.

Reruns...



No, not that Rerun.

I was fully expecting to be completely hung over this morning, but I wanted to get something up and out to you anyway, so I decided that I was going to put up some of the old videos that we used to do and learn you something. Videos like this one here about what it means to be Proactive

Yeah, that sexy beast in the video is me. This blog isn't my first attempt at putting things out there for you. We were making these video blogs a bit, and they're pretty damn informative on some real things, but my production quality, well, it's crap... and the videos are long by most standards.... not to mention it took me at least a week to do all the editing, so I stopped. 

Don't worry sister, I am. It always cracks me up seeing what I find when I'm looking to do these things. It's not just the random whacky images or the crazy shit that people do... well, yeah, it is. Life is the BEST!

Speaking of looking things up. I think I've been going to the wrong beaches. She caught herself a fish, the one eyed trouser trout. Like any good fisherman, as soon as she gets home she's going to find out just how it tastes. Unless they allow fires on the beach, then it won't have to wait that long. And from what I'm seeing here... I bet the allow fires on the beach....

I should know exactly how it is that they found themselves together out there on the high seas, I've studied it long enough. A lot of you have probably seen this before, I'm explaining why we go for the people we do, to date or screw. My good buddy Walt and I have taken this knowledge into the field and studied it, like zoo keepers observing the chimps, and the tricks of the trade are like gold, they get it done. The funny thing about this is that it's angled for guys, because I'm a guy, but I have more women asking me about it than anything else. They want to know why they always go for the worst thing for them (and they do) and what tricks the guys use to get them (and they work). I'm excellent in this capacity girls, not much for the tricks myself, but I can sure as hell tell you when it's working against you.

What?

Uh.. What?

What do you want to bet these two know each other. They're probably dating. Somewhere some good guy thinks that blond is just great, but she treated him like shit. Instead, she's all over this guy right here. Just look at how much he's got to offer.

But I think the look on this guys... er... chicks.. ah... guys face says it all. I leave the URL info on the pics up there purposely most of the time in case you want to go check out who's bringing it to you. StupidHumans.org must be the shit, I wouldn't know though, I didn't specifically go to the site. Every one of this pics came up randomly in my search for truth.

Now THAT is sexy! Actually, I really do like her back. And I can almost guarantee this little lady rocks in bed. You probably have to beat the hell out her though, or she won't respect you. Give her a good right hook though and she'll be ready for....

But listen fellas, really, before you take that next step and take the plunge, make sure you do the right thing and have a proper send off... you know what I'm talking about too... the bachelor party

How awesome is this? I always knew there was a family out there for me. Check out the smile on Mom's face in the back there. The baby looks like she's hungry. What a good baby, patiently waiting her turn. Is that his sister? Or maybe she's with the dude in the camouflage. When she gets older, you know what she's going to dress up as for Halloween?

That's right, there you have it. This comes right out of the handbook for perfect parenting. Which one of them do you suppose designed that costume? He worked on getting the tail out of that short skirt... the tits are all her....

But it could always be worse. Why is it that the mouth on his face by his ballsack is a whole lot happier than the mouth.... seriously, I don't see anything wrong with this. For Christmas I'm getting everyone life sized posters of myself. I think it's that jacket that'll be giving me nightmares, but what the hell do I know.

And having nothing to do with anything at all, I just thought, for a second, that we could all use just a little perspective. If you have to ask who that is I can't talk to you. If you have to ask who that is, Bush, Obama, Sara Palin, Al Sharpton, Charlie Sheen... they're not the problem with America... YOU ARE!

Speaking of Charlie Sheen... his Comedy Central roast is coming next Monday.... EPIC!

I'm tired. I think I'll go home now.

The KEY TO SUCCESS IS RIGHT IN HERE.... if you read it...

I wish I knew who had left that first anonymous comment on last Friday's post. It seems as if a friend of mine is in pain and I can't see who it is. If I can't see it then there's nothing that I can do to help, and they don't feel they can go to anyone with the issue. That is my failing.

One of the basic premises that the work I'm now getting into is built upon is that we all already know the answers that we're looking for. The problem is that we either can't see it because we're asking ourselves the wrong questions, or we're too scared to answer those questions. Very often all it takes is someone talk to, someone to bounce things off of, and we reach the conclusions on our own. I had witnessed that very thing with a friend of mine just this weekend, to beautiful results.

Isn't it a shame then that so often we can't find anyone to sit and listen long enough, or that we feel comfortable enough with without fear of being judged, to allow us to do that? Most of the time most of us are so in love with our own voices, or the importance we feel by doling out advice, that we're thinking of our answer before we even listen to what they're saying. Take a second right now and consider if you do that. I know you have before; I've caught myself doing it too.

My "job", when it's done right, is to simply do that, sit back and keep my mouth shut and just let you vent. Then, when you hit a roadblock or don't want to push passed a barrier in your thinking I give a little nudge in the right direction. There are a lot of techniques that I had to train in, sure, a lot of different ways to get you there, but ultimately we all have to figure it out for ourselves.

Another of the presuppositions of my field (heh, my field), the very first one, is that communication is constant. Every one of us is literally communicating with everyone around us everyone else every single moment. We just don't know it. Hell, half the time we think we're saying one thing while our body or our energy is saying another. Then every one else in the room is picking up a completely different message based on whatever madness they're afflicted with.

Have you ever complimented someone and they flipped out on you? Then you had to step back and look around with a stupid look on your face and all you could think was WTF? Yeah, I know you have because people are nuts. And I know you've done it to someone because you're nuts too. We all are. Well... that's why.

Another thing we all do, or have done, is to get overly self conscious when we think we've said or done something embarrassing. When we're nervous we swear everyone in the room knows it, like they smell it or something. How the hell do you not see my hands shaking? This exact thing keeps so many of us from saying or doing or trying the things that we really want to do, because of that paranoid sense that "they know!".

The flip side to that is that we also think that everyone should be able to tell when there's something going on with us. And if they don't we grunt, whine, fidget, cross our arms and huff, pout, and all manner of other business to call attention to ourselves. Then if that doesn't work we get angry or hurt. We think we're alone or no one cares about us. Often, if this goes on consistently for long stretches, we get trapped by that, w begin to feel we have no one we can turn to, or we lock it away so tightly that we can't or are afraid to let it out.

And even when they do notice somethings off, what do we do? "Forget it! You should know!" How many times has someone done that to you? How many times have you done it?

We're constantly caught between that rock and that hard place; between the assumption that everyone is noticing our insecurities laid bare before them and the frustration and sensitivities that they don't. But they never do.

And why don't people ever notice? Because 99% of the world is thinking about themselves. And even when we think of others, its in terms of what we want or how it affects us. That's not to talk bad about people, I do it too, and so you if you're honest about it. Its human nature. It's survival instinct. Its also why 1% of the world has most of the money. Which 1% do you suppose that is?

Our only real option then is to come right out and say it. Then, of course, you have the issue I always did, as my dear mother always said, "it's not what you say but how you say it."

Anthony Robbins has made a career on the premise that "The quality of your communication is the quality of your life". And according to Dale Carnegie's "How to win friends and influence people" 15% of success is based on talent; 85% is from how well you talk to and get along with other people. Its not the guy who has the best idea or does the best work, its the one who gets that idea across to other or gets people behind them, to lift them up, that gets to the top of the mountain.

Its those people that raise us up, that believe in us, our support system, that gets us to where we're going. Those are our ambassadors, the ones who spread the word for us, in turn get their people to believe in us too without our having to ask them. That's mostly because they can't help but gush about us.

Here's the irony of it all; you know how I said 99% of the world is always thinking about themselves? If that's true then why would they gush about us? Because the people who drip with excitement most thinking about us are the ones that WE gush over the most... to them!

Of course, the key is that you can't be full of shit. You can't do it geared towards what you're looking to get out of them; people smell bullshit from a mile away. But if you show genuine enthusiasm for someone else and who they are, what they do, then you fill them with a sense of importance. And every time they think of you thereafter they associate you and what you're doing with that same sense of importance. The more you matter, then the more they matter.

I'm famous for rubbing people the wrong way. It happened again just Saturday night, and so I've begun to look back and review all the ways to communicate better. You who read this know my heart better than most, but if you were to meet me in public without having done so would never know that this is how I really am. You would believe the exact opposite of me, that I'm a horrible human being. And that's the challenge facing us all.

You good people have taught me though that its in bearing my soul and making myself completely vulnerable that I show my true strength. But many of you have yet to learn that for yourselves, and fear can trap our souls behind a wall of pain.

Most of us are wrapped up in our own shit, too much to notice yours. But that doesn't mean that we don't care. So please, please, to my anonymous commenter, and everyone else, don't be afraid, come right out and say it. Tell me what's up and free yourself.

Or in the immortal words of Ronald Reagan

"Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!"



Attraction is NOT a choice, Jello Wrastlin and controlling the frame....

This past week I've been listening to audiobooks while I'm at work, ripped through three this week. It's pretty awesome to be honest; I love to read but its hard to find the time. Now I feel like I read all day and get paid for it.

I just finished "The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pick Up Artists" by Neil Strauss. It's depressing really, but what an incredible book. Basing an entire life on creating an illusion of greatness for other people will lead to an empty life every time. Sadder still, the game that these guys run works. Attraction is not a choice. And women cheat on their husbands and boyfriends at an alarming rate. Knowing that all it takes is a carefully constructed plan of action intermingled with some cheap parlor tricks wrapped up in a nice shirt and a smile makes it all the more ridiculous.

On the bright side, its all much clearer to me now that sex and relationships occupy two completely different slots in a woman's world. A woman will sleep with just about any guy that can make life seem like an adventure for a while. It takes something more to keep her. The terrifying part for the guy that wants to keep her is that she'll still go on an adventure from time to time.

I just heard more stories about chicks with boyfriends asking some guy she just met that night in a club to pop off in her mouth in the last three days than I ever wanted to hear in a lifetime. Of course, it doesn't help that it smacks right against my #1 fear.

My three worst fears in this order

1. Falling in love, getting married, having a few kids.... then finding out the kids aren't mine.
2. The prison rape scene in American History X
3. Ball Cancer

I encountered real life stories of two of the three just this week.... one of those stories was from a friend of mine who took it. Now I don't feel right even joking about it anymore. But.... I have a new hero.

Speaking of friends, my buddy Phatdaddy told me the other day that though it may sound strange because we haven't actually seen each other in fifteen years, he still feels the same about me as ever, that we're as close now at heart as we were back then.

I'm of the mind that relationships are eternal, that loves and friendships really do last forever; if it were up to me I'd still have every single person I once called a friend in my life. Some people just click so well together that fifty years can pass and they'll pick up right where they left off, as if no time has passed at all. And as if to prove it, my buddy Mike invited me to Jell-O Wrestling at the Double Down Saloon Saturday night, we hadn't seen each other in seventeen years and sure enough, it was like hanging with him in school all over again.

Funny, most of my friends are like that, the eternal type, the type that I'd click with after fifty years like nothing happened. You'll hear their names often, Scotty, Matt, Mike, Walt, Thaddeus, Phatdaddy, The Man... they're often contributors to this space and probably reading this. Give me ten of them over a hundred of those fake ass, fair weather turds any day. You know what you can do with that kind....

And that Jello wrestling was THE SHIT! Seriously, I've never experienced anything like that before. There was one pin fall in particular where a young lady with a nice body sat on her opponents chest and lay down, ala 69, and gave those of us in the right spot the full spread. EPIC!

That doesn't even get into the gorgeous woman in her underwear dancing in the window or the porn playing above the bar. It was just my kind of place, made all the better by good people and good friends. The wrastlin was a benefit for breast cancer; they were demonstrating how important it is to save breasts. Who doesn't love breasts? Even the ladies love breasts!

One nugget I came away with this week is that, whatever you have to say about him, Tom Cruise is THE MAN! Its his world and everyone else lives in it. Answer the poll to the right, because I'm curious about what you think. In NLP we have something we call framing, or the frame, which means the scope through which you see the world. Visualize a picture frame and the picture that's inside of it. If that were a window and you were watching things unfold, what's happening? The person that's in control of that scene, the one decides what's happening in that picture, they control the frame. The way the see things is the way its happening and everyone else has to fit it. It's their world and we live in it.

Most people react to how everyone else sees the world. Alpha's, all alpha's, male or female, business men or pick up artists, priests or politicians, slobs or movie stars, what sets them apart from the rest is how they look at that picture of the world; they control the frame. Tom Cruise is an alpha among alpha's without even trying. He always controls the frame. That's what makes him the man, its his world, his reality, and everyone else just lives in it, has to fit in.

One more thing I learned.....

We're all movie stars.... even the slobs.

We're all slobs.... especially the movie stars.

Science now proves SOULS MATES EXIST!

Every once in a while something comes along to remind me of what a science geek I used to be in a former life, and every time that thing completely blows my mind. What I'm going to tell you about today is true scientific fact, though I'm not allowed to divulge my source of the information at this time under penalty of death, or at the very least, the great discomfort that comes from being sued.

Just before my good friend Caryn made me try a piece of her burger Friday night, because everyone HAS to try a piece of the best burger in NY (and it is), we were lucky enough to attend a special event at the Directors Guild of America with my very good friend Walt. We were told if we talk about what went on there that night that they would cut out our tongues, but nothing was mentioned about the information we received, and I have to tell you about it. I'll try to keep it from getting too scientific for you.

There are two satellites in space that monitor the electromagnetic field surrounding the Earth. This is important because that field is what keeps everything here, like gravity, working and us from flying right off the planet. On 9/11 those satellites went NUTS, and scientists were scrambling to figure out why, which lead to new research.

As if turned out, it was the overwhelming out pour of human emotion that lead to spikes in the Earths electromagnetic field. What they had found out because of it is that the human heart has an electromagnetic field of its own that is in fact in tune with that field that surrounds the planet. Your heart is literally connected to the earth by a field of magnetic energy.

Now, everyone knows about magnets, on one end the magnets stick together, on the other, they repel and push away. This is caused by the magnetic fields, some are in harmony, they fit each other, flow together, so they stick. Makes sense? Still following? Well, when electromagnetic fields are in contact with one another eventually they begin to share energy, they begin to flow the same way and get into harmony with one another. This sharing of properties is why you can make a paper clip or a nail into a magnet by rubbing a magnet on it. We all tried that in science class as kids, right?

Well... the same thing works with people. The electromagnetic field around the human heart is connected to that of the earth, which is then connected to the electromagnetic field of all of the other hearts.

EVERY HUMAN HEART ON THE EARTH IS CONNECTED TO ONE ANOTHER THROUGH THEIR ELECTRO MAGNETIC FIELDS. That's right. Our hearts, all hearts, every one on the planet, is literally connected. 

It goes further. Remember I was talking about making paper clip magnets? Well, the more you have contact with a person, the more you're around them, the more the electromagnetic fields in your hearts begin to act on and change each other. You begin to come into harmony with one another, you become connected. Anyone who's ever started hanging out with new people, and then started started saying a lot of the same things that these news friends do, movie quotes, terms, sayings, all that, even when those people aren't around know exactly what I'm talking about... it's the same thing.

In this way, every person that we come into contact with over our lives literally becomes a part of us. We literally become a part of them, through that connection in our hearts. 

So what the hell does this have to do with Soul Mates? Well I'll tell you....

Through something called Quantum Entanglement they know that once 2 particles are connected they begin to act the same ways. If you were to separate these particles, and say, send them through a maze, then no matter how far away you sent the particles they would make the same exact moves at the same exact time. Think about that maze, the separated particles would go the same way in the maze at the same exact time, even if they were in different mazes on the other side of the universe. This has been tested and found true every single time.

That's why twins are able to feel what the other one is going through even when they are in different cities and haven't spoken to each other. Twins are particles that were separated, split in two, during the child development process.

They have also discovered now that if you take all of the empty space out of the universe, the matter, the hard stuff, would all fit inside the space the size of a green pea. And at one time it did. Every single particle, every bit of everything that makes what all of us are, was once connected at one point. We are all still connected.

So lets go back to our hearts and that electromagnetic field. We spend time with someone and those fields come into harmony, alignment with one another. Our hearts are connected. We are then forever linked, and so even when we are no longer together the particles still make the same movements at the same time inside of the maze.

Now, one of the basic building blocks of all science is that energy can not be created nor destroyed. When we die the energy in our bodies simply changes form. Well.... they know that the human heart is the very first organ to develop. When I was conceived the energy of the universe went into making my heart first. When I die that energy will go into something else, and at times, it will go into making the heart of a new person long after I'm gone. This is all fact, it's how it works. There's no arguing the point. SO....

A thousand years ago a man and a woman fall in love... the electromagnetic fields of their hearts come into alignment, their particles are forever linked to make the same exact moves at the same exact time across all time and space. Because they are making the same moves at the same time on the atomic level, when one's energy flows back into the creation of another human heart, so does the other. Making the same moves, they find one another again, if only briefly, their hearts come into harmony once more, and the entire process starts over again. And every time those hearts come into alignment, every time the particles link, the field of energy is amplified, becomes stronger, and so does their link. So if after thousands of years of connecting over and over again.... and so there you have it. Soul Mates.

One thing that has to be remembered in all of this, however, is that "time" is purely a human concept. It doesn't not exist outside of the human experience and certainly not on the quantum level of energy. To your soul, the particles of energy buzzing around that electromagnetic field around your heart that's linked to the earth and every other heart, 5 seconds and 5 thousand years is the exact same thing. To the universe there is no difference. So you may find your soul mate during every one of your lifetimes or you only find them every thousand years. It also doesn't mean that they're going to be your lover, it could be your best friend, it could be your dog, or it could be your doppelganger on the other side of the planet. But your soul mate does exist.

I have a friend whom, the day we started talking, I had a dream about her. I saw what she looked like and exactly what she would be wearing a few hours before I even knew that she would be there. Over the years I've known her I would randomly send her messages about something, and it was exactly what she was thinking about, or exactly what she was feeling, or exactly what she needed to hear, so and and so forth. And many, many times now she would ask me how I did that, how I always know. Well, science now proves that its because our hearts are connected. This doesn't mean that we're soul mates, just that we have a particle link.

And every one of us has a similar link with other people. So just relax and let the Universe work its magic. It will all come into alignment when its ready, and not on our schedule.

Think about that for a while and get back at me.

but its SEXY!!! and.... you can't be on all the time.....

Ugh! I have a headache.

All I can say is thank God for coffee, sweet nectar of life!

Before I begin today I have to give a shout out to Mimz. I got an anonymous comment on last night's post and all it said was Mimz, and being curious I had to see what that was about, which is how it's done; they suckered me in. Unfortunately for our friend here, they didn't give enough information to go on and I don't know which of the many Mimz that comes up in Google search that you are, which leaves us a valuable lesson. Be specific. Make sure people know exactly what you want them looking at.

I also want to welcome our new Peruvian friends to out little club here. Nice to have you with us.

Last night I played my first competitive Darts match in a long time. When I stepped up to the board and saw that I was matched up against a woman I couldn't help but feel my chest puff up, the machismo flare. There was no way I was going to lose to a woman. I wouldn't say that she was good looking, but she definitely knew how to rock what she had... SEXY! 

Its a good thing for all of us out there to keep in mind, men and women alike. We can't all be good looking, but we can all add a little something to the way that we carry ourselves, a little swagger, that air of confidence that tells everyone "Yeah, I know you want me" no matter how we look that does in fact make people want us. You know what I'm talking about too. We've all had or known or seen at least one person at some point in our lives that we had to step back and say "I know they're not good looking at all.... but they're so damn SEXY.... I want them anyway...."

I think that's something we can all capture for ourselves, use it to capture someone for ourselves, no matter what came in the package we were born with.... sexy is so much more than good looking....

But I'm going off on a tangent here aren't I? Besides, this chick didn't have it like that, not at all. Just a lil sexy. So my first two throws are pretty nice... I'm feeling good, right? And then this chick unleashes hell and blows me right off the board. I'd like to say that I'm above that male need to prove that I'm a MAN baby, YEAH, that chauvinistic impulse that tells us that men are always better than the ladies in anything involving competition... but last night proved that I'm not.

Part of me was embarrassed, but at the same time... you can't be on all the time....

It forced a conversation that I had later in the evening with a woman on our team. Darts isn't like most other sports where man muscle is a factor. Women have better hand eye coordination than men do, if anything its something that fits them well, that they should excel at... yet every professional I can think of in the game is a man. All we could come up with as a reason for it is because the nature of how its played.... in the bar with the guys. I guess it's something to do to get away from the wife. Oddly, all of the pros I know of are also English....

I'm all over the place as I write this, I know. Its called a hangover; keeps interrupting my flow. I knew when I had reached my limit last night, but ended up having two more after that. What was I going to do? We were at this nice Irish bar in Rockville Center called Stingers... they really know how to take care of you in there. Here I thought the buy back was dead, but they really hooked it up. I give it my ringing endorsement, I'll be in there again and I hope you're there with me. It'll be a good time; we'll have a party.

Now it's my head that's ringing. That's what happens when the bartender hooks it up on a Monday night. Part of me should be embarrassed, there's a word for someone who gets wrecked in the bars on a Monday night; A DRUNK, but that's not what I'm talking about. I should be embarrassed for the state of today's blog.... but... you can't be on all the time....

Mariano Rivera is now the all time saves leader in baseball, greatest closer of all time. People have slobbered all over his nuts for years, but not me. I've always said, as great as he is (and he IS great), he's still over rated. I'm a HUGE Yankee fan, love the Yanks more than anything, they're my first love, so this isn't hating on my part. You can be great and still be over rated when the masses still slobber all over your balls without seeing your failures... think Reagan for Republicans... Clinton for Democrats... (I still don't believe elections actually exist), but Mo blows every other save against the Red Sox. He lost the 2001 World Series, there's no other way to put it, then blamed it on Brosius. Against the good teams he's an average pitcher, and that's a fact, the numbers back it up.

And when we talk greatness, real greatness, we judge it against the other greats, not the mediocre slobs who just showed up.... but hey.... you can't be on all the time....

Don't get me wrong though, the guy still is great...

As I'm writing this I've realized that I haven't done a very good job of showing off people that are ugly, yet still sexy. Most of everything that I've found is someone who is hot. But there's still a big difference between sexy and good looking.

I've also realized, as I've been writing this, that I'm not doing a very good job of actually writing anything. I'm off my game today, way off, and its degenerated into an excuse to post pictures of drunks and women... but then.... you can't be on all the time....

So here's a little something for the rest of us, those of us that aren't the beautiful people, to show that no matter how hot or sexy the rest of "THEM" are... in the end, we're all nasty in exactly the same way....

Now THAT... is SEXY!!!

The 48 Laws of Power? What the... I have the Power!

I just finished The 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene and Joost Elffers. The book is really a prerequisite for many of the the things that I do, but I've been putting it off for a long while now because its basically a sociopath's handbook and I have no desire to turn myself into a serial killer.

Learning how to manipulate people like this is just pure evil on many levels, and much like Arthur and Camelot, my dream is to inspire the best in men, and contribute to the reformation of a society built closer to the heart. Even the way that its written is meant to manipulate you and twist your mind into thinking that this is the way that everyone should be.

The scary thing about this though is that every bit of it is dead on balls accurate. People do every one of these things ever day, and it doesn't take much for you to associate the laws with examples taken from your own life over and over again.

Not every piece of information in here is twisted though, and a good portion of it are truisms that have been around since the beginning of time, and are just plain good advice!

For instance, Law 48 is to "Assume Formlessness". Bruce Lee based Jeet Kune Do on using formlessness as form. "Be like water" he said. In NLP one of our major presuppositions is that the element with the most flexibility is usually the controlling element within the system. Basically, the person that gives themselves the best chance to adjust on the fly to any of the possible things that can happen has the best chance of coming out ahead of that situation best.

Beyond that, it's brilliantly written, and gives you great insight into a lot of history that you may not have ever known before. It forced me to look at things that I thought I knew from a completely different perspective. It's both a history lesson and blueprint for life rolled into one, done in a tone that sounds like a Vincent Price horror movie.

If nothing else, as Sun Tzu said in The Art of War, know your enemy. There are people out there using these tricks and tactics against you every single day whether you want to believe it or not. Knowledge is only power if you're able to apply it. In a lot of ways this can be used as mental self defense. I just pray to God that more people use it for good than evil, though experience and history books warn otherwise.

For myself, however, the best thing that I've taken from all of this is the idea of our own personal power. If you look on my website, Coachlasota.com, I tell people that what I teach is empowerment. Last week, in Attraction is NOT a choice, Jello Wrastlin and controlling the frame...., I went on in detail about Tom Cruise and how he always controls his frame, he always decides what the reality around him is, how its his world and we just live in it. With the way that things tend to work with the energy floating across the universe all in connection and all of that, it makes perfect sense that this would hit me this way now.

We all have our own personal power. Its our center, that place where you feel good, you feel in control, clear of mind, no worries and in that moment everything is how we want it. We control the frame, and it's all in balance.

But any time we let any other person affect us, your girlfriend, your boyfriend, the one you want but can't have, your boss, the ass that just cut you off in traffic.... anytime you let someone change your emotional state, whether good or bad, you're giving them your power. Let someone make you happy or sad and you're allowing them to control you and how you feel in that moment. How much power is that, the power to dictate how you feel about yourself? Too much to trust with anyone but yourself, that's how much.

And the same goes for situations. Whatever is going on in your life either you can do something about it or you can't. If you can do something about it you're in control, you have power over whatever it is, until you choose to do nothing. If you can't do anything about it, well, that happened, and no amount of worry is going to change things anyway. But you still have total control over how you feel about it. You're the only one who does. That is, until you let these situations dictate how you feel, to change your emotional state.

I believe, in my limited knowledge, that this is the exact essence of Eastern Philosophy. Things like "The 48 Laws of Power" and all of the ways of Master Pick Up Artists that I've discussed before, and will again, certainly work to allow you control of this power, or to take it from others. But they all boil down to simple tricks and manipulation. You don't need them.

In my opinion, that is exactly what true enlightenment is, to finally feel that balance, that center in yourself, and to always know how to stay within that, how to keep that, how to maintain it in the face of any circumstance or influence of any other person without needing any of that other bullshit to do so.

Only now do I begin to understand.

I HAVE THE POWER!!!

And so do you.

And if you know what I mean, if you see it, if you feel it.....

Congratulations, you've just taken your first step into a larger world!

P.S. - Spike TV is Great!

Facebook - The High School Lunch Room, and the power of BELIEF!!!

"All things are possible to he who believes" - Mark 9:23

I didn't think I'd have anything for you today, I've been exhausted for the most part to the point where nothing was passing through my head all day and I really didn't have anything to talk about. I had actually fell asleep until the music from The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring had woken me. It was only about 7:30 and way too early to be out like that; that's where you wake up at 2 AM and you're shot for the rest of the day. I know you've been there before, haven't you?

For no reason, just thought you should see this

It got me to shoot up; something had to be done or I'd be right back in the same spot fifteen minutes later. So I checked Facebook; they're messing with the interface again to disastrous results. Its bad enough that the site has now degenerated to a virtual high school cafeteria; think about it, its a big room where you know a ton of people, all of them talking at the same time, all about themselves. Everyone is making a spectacle of themself as they walk in, trying to garner as much attention as they can. You move over to your "table", the twenty or so friends that you talk to everyday are waiting, and you start to shoot the shit.

Every once in a while you spot someone you know on the other side of the lunch room that you have to find something out from, or tell them about something, so you go over to their table for a few minutes, and then back to your friends. Once in a while they come to you. Then the bell rings and its off to wherever it is you have to go next.

Now its worse, you have to filter through three pages of "top stories", which is the type of ridiculous nonsense fifty people trying to nail the girl who made the post comment on that leaves you wishing you never commented yourself in the first place. After a few straight days of steady climbing on the hit chart my readership for this spot fell like a circus freak from the ugly tree. I blame this new cluster for the mess....

But then I got a message from a friend of mine telling me how much she was enjoying what I do here, and I felt that I'd be letting you all down if I didn't do my thing.

Abraham Lincoln once said "I am a success today because I had a friend who believed in me, and I didn't have the heart to let them down." It's amazing the power that one person believing in you can have. The thought of that led me to thinking about my first book, VPI - the Saga Begins, and how I came to be published, which I'm not sure how many of you know.

Of course, the swirling energy, all of it flowing together and for a reason theme sticks with us. Fellowship of the Ring on the TV led directly to me writing this now. That book was the very thing that made me decide that I wanted to be a writer. JRR Tolkien is probably still the single biggest influence on my style to this day. Like him, I too tend to be long winded and go off on tangents, but the man paints with his words.

I started writing VPI back when I was twenty years old, mostly for shits and giggles. I'd gotten the idea for the book while reading "Neverwhere" by Neil Gaiman while I was on a trip to Virginia to visit my sister who was in college down there at the time. During my spare time in my mail room job I would write a scene or two in spiral note pads, then pass it around to my friends. They kept cracking up, so I kept writing. It was the only reason I did it, to entertain my friends, that was the fun in it for me.

I still walk around with the spiral note pads. That's what I wrote this in. I still write to entertain my friends; that's why you have this to read today. The fun of it for me is still when you read and enjoy it; that's my reward.

When I left that job and no longer had people to pass my story to I basically stopped writing. Every here and there I'd do more in it, almost always when someone new got into it, but without that it just wasn't fun. Even my girlfriend, who read Harry Potter seven times while I was with her, had no interest in reading my book, which tells you all you need to know about that relationship. Four more years passed and I hadn't hadn't added one word to it.

In that time was my whole Vegas debacle and the aftermath that ensued. Over ten years I had written sixty thousand words of a novel, and a dream, that was never going to go anywhere.

Then one afternoon, in the midst of being lost and not knowing what to do with myself, I came home to find a package from my dear friend Scotty. I had met Scotty in Vegas and we've talked almost every day since. If it wasn't for the worst thing that ever happened to me I never would have met one of the best friends I've ever had. How's that for everything happening for a reason?

Inside that package was a printed and bound copy of what Scotty had of my book. Seeing that, my book, in print gave me goosebumps and a charge you can't believe. The hair stood up, well, everywhere. I didn't even remember giving him that much of it, but that wasn't all that was in it. There was also a note.

In that note, which of course I still have, my friend told me that I had gone too far to stop now, and if he had done that much without finishing he couldn't live with it. His dream too was to one day be a writer, and so he started a publishing company in order to learn the process. My book he explained, when I finished, was going to be the first one that he published.

Here was someone who believed in me so much that he was going to put his money and reputation on the line for me at a time when I didn't even believe in myself. It seemed to me as though he was the only one who did. But that one person's belief was enough. At that point had taken me more than ten years to write the first sixty thousand words. After getting that letter I wrote thirty thousand words in the next thirty days, and insane task, mostly during lunch breaks and the train ride home, to finish the book.

Since then we've learned a great deal about what it takes to break in as professional writers, as well as the publishing business. No matter how good your work is, people don't buy your workm they buy your name; like the facebook cafeteria, they buy the hype. Now the publishing company's goal is to help new artists build that name.

In case you hadn't known this before, Abraham Lincoln was a collossel failure at pretty much everything he ever tried. He then went on to become, arguably, America's greatest President. All because he had a friend who believed in him, and he didn't have the heart to let them down.

The things I talk about in this space are a reflection of what's happening with me and I feel and what I think about it and the world around me at the time. I've been told its been much better since I've been writing it just for myself. But the part of writing it that's for me is whatever joy you get out of it. And it doesn't take much to keep me going, just knowing that you get something out of it too.

If there's a lesson in any of this, something to take out of it, then I hope its this:

It's amazing what people are capable of with just a little bit of belief. It can turn losers into winners, failures into Presidents, dreams into something real. And that magic can make the change in a moment. But if my good friend didn't let me know it then I'd have given up, and you wouldn't be reading this right now. So if it's someone else that you believe in, make sure you let them know. They could be the next Abraham Lincoln, and your telling them could be all the difference.

YOU WANT ME!!!

I suckered you in with that one, didn't I? I know, I'm not right, am I?

You see, there are certain trends that I notice, things that they tell you about all the time, but we always swear we don't do, or get caught up into ourselves. So I conducted a little experiment here and I used you to do the testing.

SHOCKING!!!

I know. About as shocking as seeing Rodrigo's junk in those Monster of Cock videos. The ladies have all asked for some penis since yesterday's post, which I can't bring myself to deliver. Sorry girls. But google those videos. This girl can't believe someone has a unit the size of her face. Or maybe she's just got blowers cramp. Heh, blowers cramp.... you get it? How often?



There's something about this pic right here that makes me hungry, and that's the point of today's post; it makes everybody hungry. The trends I started to mention are in the things that people get into, what they look at, what they want to see, and even for this blog the same trends swirl like a dead gold fish down a toilet.

Earlier in the week I added a post with Lindsay Lohan looking like a hot slutty mess in the cover picture and the word SEXY in big bold type in the title and people went nuts for it. It didn't matter that what was written in there was mostly just me prattling on about some nonsense. I caught your eye with something naughty, something you might want to see, men and women alike, and set the hook with one of the magic words that gets us all going. It made no difference that what I wrote was a result of feeling like this guy....

The amount of hits I got went through the roof! You all loved it. The next day I had something up on The 48 Laws of Power with what I thought was a really good message. There was a picture of the book advertising the blog entry and some solid substance.... readership fell through the trap door. Hey, let's combine those last two pictures....

How great is this toilet. I want one. Reminds me of a pair of shoes I almost bought just for the laugh in it. So I responded by using a hot picture of Natalie Portman's ass for yesterday's blog, and the word FACEBOOK in the title. Again, eye candy picture with a key word to pique your interest, and sure enough, more of you read that post in the first hour it was up than read the prior day's post in a full day. Natalie Portman's ass had nothing to do with it, and neither did any of the other pictures of the sexy ladies I put in there. I did it to prove a point.

We all like to think of ourselves as people of substance, above all the animalistic drives that no one ever really wants to talk about in public. But it's that very balance of letting the animal out but never letting others know about it, the things we only mention in hushed tones because there's something wrong, something perverted about us if that's what we're into, but excites us all the same that we're seduced by. That picture up above looks like two teen aged girls on a dirty mattress in the filthy back room of a human trafficking operation... and still something about makes you go Mmmm!!!

And we're all drawn in by it, obsessed with it, every one of us, like demon possessed Taco Bell dogs riding the white horse. None of us are immune. I used the pictures I did knowing too that it might alienate some of my female audience, which I don't ever want to do, not just because of my love for the ladies, but because ironically my audience is made mostly of women despite what I say and how I talk. It was a calculated risk, and how did they respond? They asked for me to post pictures of Penis! Well, I don't know if I can comply with those wishes, not because of any homophobe thing, but because I really have no idea what you ladies find sexy. How's this?

What, that's not sexy? The truth of the matter is that we all fall for those same tricks and tactics. Marketing experts use it against us every day and in almost every aspect of life. If you consciously think about it, the things you're into, the things that catch your eye, you'll begin to see it everywhere.

Looks may only be a shit test, and they are, or at least they are for the people who have the looks. We're not supposed to notice because everyone notices all the time. You're supposed to be different, you're supposed to set yourself apart from the rest, yet a catch phrase stretched across something alluringly sexual gets you every time.

Whether you realize it or not, subconsciously I just planted a message into your brain with the last two pictures. It's the ass that slipped it by your defenses, and this is how its done.

You want me. I know you want me.

And she's right, the girl with the panties. She's got you right where she wants you, and so does whichever sponsor gave her those silky draws. All the dudes reading this should look away, I hate to do this to you, it pains me to have to do it, but I have to add something here for the ladies, it's only fair

Again, I have no idea if that's what you're looking for. All I know for sure is that this next one... no one's looking for...

UGH! That's not even right. But these caped crusaders do a great job proving another point. These last two pictures are making me physically sick. There's nothing about them that makes me want to buy into anything that's going on there, and I know the same will be said by all my brotha's out there. And probably the same with the ladies. But a beautiful woman can sell anything to anyone, just by showing up. All the guys want her, and the other ladies either want to be her, or see why all the guys want her. We're all going to check her out, at least for a while. Ok....I need to change this QUICK....

There, that's much better. But it's not enough to cleanse my soul after that last mess, is it?

There we go. And thank God for it. Thanks babe, I think I really needed that.

On a serious note though.... it's actually all a terrible thing, and we're all part of the machine. I know some of the people that make their living in this world, being the one who entice you to follow and fall in with whatever nonsense they're peddling. Looks are a shit test, and most of us fail it every day, usually many times in the course of that day. The beautiful people want you to be different, to notice them for who they are and not for that ass that has the message spread across it.

Eh... that's bullshit too. Like I said, I know some of the people in this world, and while you'd think they'd know better they get sucked into it too. If anything, they get sucked in faster and lose their soul to it. After a while its who they are, its all they know. But it gives me a great idea for another social experiment if you want to help.....

You want me. I know you want me.

IT DOESN'T MATTER!!!

A lot happened since last Thursday night, a lot of things that I can and probably should talk about, but as I took the train ride home from the city last night I was struck by an overwhelming feeling that's stuck with me now in the morning that.... IT DOESN'T MATTER.... what I talk about.

I think we all go through days like that once in a while, when it all just seems so mundane and we get caught up in our routines. I'll go to work doing something I don't really want to do, come home and eat some dinner, maybe watch a few shows I don't really care about, get into a couple of conversations about things I don't really want to hear and go to bed to do it all over again in the morning.

That's right buddy, What a Horror! This guy knows exactly what I'm talking about. That was my favorite part of living with my girlfriend and I think the reason behind why most guys get married, because none of it really matters, so you might as well have someone to eat that dinner and watch those shows with. And if it doesn't matter anyway, why go through all the pain in the ass details and hassels of finding someone new to do that crap with every night?

While we're on the subject, someone got the perfect image of my dream girl... look at that slender waist flowing into her perfectly round bottom... all brought together by her clown face! It doesn't matter that this is a cartoon, she's out there somewhere, she has to be. Who else would fall for a clown like me.....

And it doesn't matter that someone got this picture of a leopard making a dopey face.... because the picture was the only thing that made it back alive. After this shot was taken one of the fastest animals alive ran down the camera man... and ate him. You can't out run a leopard... what are you crazy?

Just like it doesn't matter that it's pouring out here. When you do your push ups in your draws anyway, no amount of rain is going to keep you from getting that workout in. Besides.... this way the sweat just washes right off. And you can tell she's been at it a long time, look at that perfect form. Her back would be completely straight if her ass wasn't so big.

Speaking of big asses, look at the size of Val Kilmer now. Somehow I doubt Iceman's going to be able to squeeze himself back in that cockpit. But it doesn't matter, he's Madmartigan, and he is great.

No matter where you are or what corner of the world you hail from, race, creed, color or religion, it doesn't matter. Men everywhere pray to the same altar.

Which is why it doesn't matter that they're standing in some random hallway, she's going to take her panties off anyway, and no one's going to say a damn thing about it. If anything, she'll be hailed as a goddess. Hell, that could be the back room at my beer distributor. These two were sent on a beer run, because another thing that doesn't matter is what these two look like or what they're taking off.... because somewhere there's some guy tired of nailing her....

You see. This guy couldn't take it anymore. What ever you have or don't have in life, you could have the most money in the world, the hottest wife, the coolest job, but it doesn't matter one bit if your god damned head explodes.

No sweetheart, that's not what you do with these things, you're not supposed to put your head through that. Let's be honest though, you're young, dumb, and I only bought this camera so that I could get girls like you up here alone and coerce you into making a mistake you'd regret for the rest of your life if you hadn't already found a way to justify it.... And it's working too... you've already got your legs spread, so it doesn't matter what you do with the damn picture frame.

That's no ordinary rabbit. That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on!

That rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide! It's a killer!

And if you don't get the joke I'm not going to try to explain it to you. It doesn't matter.

I have no idea who theses people are or what they're selling, but I doesn't matter. I don't care. I tell you over and over again there are two things I love, chicks beating the hell out of each other, and watching people get kicked.... so needless to say this just made my day. I have to get that frame off of that one girls head and put this in it, hang it on my wall....

Ole boy doesn't care if he gets caught with his tongue up another girls skirt, or if she tells him to get out of there or never returns his calls.... either way he's going to have someone playing with his nuts. Proving why it's so easy to get chicks when you already have one at home.... because it doesn't matter....

Uh... yeah... I don't even know where to go with this... but it doesn't matter..... because....

Because next up is a picture of cleavage for no good reason other than I like it. I probably should have cropped this picture and left her head out. Hell, her face could get ripped off by the monkey in that last shot and end up looking like the dude in the blue suit with his brains flying everywhere.... as long as there's cleavage it doesn't matter... you won't even notice.

She is the greatest fan... EVER! If we had one or two ladies like this at my softball games every week we'd never lose. In fact, seeing this has me inspired. I think we're going to have this happen one way or another. Of course, it could backfire completely. It could be a major distraction. "We had a game? What? I was lookin at her.... next to that who cares how we played, it doesn't matter!"

Sometimes a picture really does say it all, doesn't it? Ok, ok, so at this point today's blog has gotten out of control, and there's not much point in going on with something that's not going anywhere, so I'll leave it with this... whether you like it or not....

or what I think for that matter....

We spend so much time getting ourselves worked up and bent out of shape over anything and everything when in this cosmic spam we call life, none of it really matters anyway, only our experience and how much we enjoy it. Whether it's the Pope, the President, you or a bum in the street, we all wake up in the morning and try to scratch out our existence. If you're lucky you have a few good friends to have some beers with to blow off steam afterwards. And if you're REALLY lucky, you have someone special to go home to and share those experiences with. And then you have to wake up the next day and do it all over again.

In the end, that's all it really is.

Fancy Going Halves on a Bastard?

No, not this Fat Bastard. I'm talking about the best pick up line I've ever heard. I think I'm going to use that from now on every time I meet someone new. I got it from "The Little Book of Flirting" by Stewart Ferris, which probably isn't the most informative work in the world if you wanted to actually use it out in the field, but MAN did I laugh my ass off reading it.

Truth is, it doesn't really matter what you say when you approach someone as long as you have the balls to say anything at all, and a smile on your face when you do it. That's the problem that most people have in general, having the balls to do it, and of course the people that do are usually the type of ass that are so full of themselves that it'll never hit them what a horrible human being they actually are....

But then we wonder why its people like this that take over the world. What a Horror! Of course, if you're going to use a line like "Fancy going halves on a bastard?" it helps to have props.

Bust one of these bad boys out and even the coldest fish alive has no choice but to laugh. This is Pulitzer prize winning stuff here people. And this is either a tremendous job with photoshop or the greatest candy bar on earth. Cadbury... they make the cream egg... and help deliver the cream for her eggs....

But you always have to be careful of what you wish for....

Because you just might get it. If that's not a Fancy Bastard I don't know what is. Of course, he could just be English. No one delivers the word "BASTARD!" quite like the Brits, makes me laugh my ass off... gets me every time.

That's right! Happy Birthday... eh, whatever, it seems that I've boxed myself into a corner here, forgot where I was going with this. But if you don't like it....

You tell 'em Johnny Cash! That right there is a man after my own heart. Misunderstood, constantly fighting his own demons, and seemed to get caught out there all the time giving off a certain public image that did nothing to show what a huge heart he had and how much he cared or helped his fellow man. I have a picture of a letter from him to John Wayne that proves it.

Speaking of a certain public image.... people need to leave Lindsay Lohan alone. Yeah, she's a drunk and probably a skank that's constantly going out there, making a mess of herself, and getting caught in a position that makes her look like a total slut.... but how is that any different than any other hot young girl out there? Go look at your facebook friends and what they put up for people to see on purpose and you tell me. Just because a girl is famous doesn't mean she can't do the same nasty shit that makes her look like a pig any less than the hot young girls you know.

Would you rather it was this guy that was flashing the half naked drunken photos? Geez, look at this guy. Look at his neck? Is that a gullet or a tumor? How do you even get yourself one of those? Somehow it reminds me of eating at Sizzler with my brother and sister one afternoon....

They sit us down, and at the table behind us was a mentally handicapped woman who looked exactly like Beaker from the Muppets. And when she talked, her mouth even moved the same way. If you had told me that someone had their fist up her ass working her like a puppet, I would have believed it. But as much as I get a bad rep for these things, like Johnny Cash, I can't be the ass that's sitting there laughing at the handicapped, I really can't do it. It's just not right. If I'm going to laugh at retards it's going to be the cast of Jersey Shore... and the people who love them. But I couldn't eat that way either, so I had to change my seat so that I wasn't facing her. Poor woman. Poor Beaker.

Only because I had to change the subject.... actually, if you're going to pull a line like the one this whole spot has been based on, it should be used on the type of woman that's taking pictures prancing around in her underwear. Why is it when they do it its sexy, or art, but when I take pictures prancing around in MY underwear.... well.... they call it something else...

That is one damn strong chair.

Beaker?

Well... that's all I've got for today. But hit me up with some of the best pick up lines you've ever heard. I'm going to go out there and use them, with my own spin of course, and see if they work. Maybe I'll make it a video. I'm also going to look into getting some of those Cadbury Bastard Bars... wow, it just rolls off the tongue, doesn't it?

The Choking Boston Red Sox, the Nut Riding Sports Media and how to fix the Mets!

I'm feeling pretty incredible this morning, euphoric even, a lot like many of us do on opening day of baseball season, the day that officially rings in the end of the long winter for many of us. These feelings don't come around often, and could be gone in the next twenty minutes, so I'm going to enjoy this as much as I possibly can....

And it honestly has nothing to do with the Boston Red Sox colossal choke job. I try not to talk about sports here or that's all I would do, but for today I have to make an exception.....

It doesn't look like this is going to happen this year now, does it? The baseball season seemed to go really quickly this year, but not quickly enough for the SAWX, a team with a 160 million dollar payroll that couldn't even make it into the playoffs after holding a 9 game lead late in the year.

And while the players hang their heads in shame, and rightfully so, its not even my hatred for this team that has me giddy at the prospect of their finding themselves in the same spot I will be for the second season, drunk and beer bloated in front of my TV. Of course, I'm a HUGE Yankee fan, but that just wouldn't be the same without the Red Sox, after all, Batman needs the Joker to keep those juices flowing, and over the years of the rivalry I've grown to at least respect their fans.

 You tell me what's NOT to be respected here. What makes this such a beautiful thing to me is how Sports Media always finds their darlings and slobbers all over their nuts, only to be wrong almost every time. A lot was made this season of the Yankees ridiculous payroll, age, and lack of starting pitching, just like it always is, but any time you turned on ESPN this summer all the talk was about how the Red Sox had already won the World Series, so we might as well give it to them now.

Sometimes it's almost as if these media outlets are funded by these darling teams themselves and full of on air personalities that are no different than every other fan that thinks they know the game because they watch it all the time, when in reality, they don't know shit about shit. The Philadelphia Eagles are a prime example of this if you can remember all the Donovan McNabb CockRiding... look at him now.

Tell me rat faced Dustin Pedroia doesn't look exactly like the guy who shits himself in Trainspotting. No wonder they couldn't get it done. But I'm sure that you can come up with plenty of other examples, like any of ESPNs college football shows blowing the SEC, which only makes me want them to lose every game. Back when USC was cheating for championships the Pac 10 could do no wrong.

Why is is that you never hear about Boston's 160 Million Dollar payroll, but it's always what a genius Theo Epstein is?

Speaking of ESPN Darlings with massive payrolls that can't get it done, Jose Reyes once again proved what a gutless puke he is taking himself out of the last game of the year for personal glory. The Mets spent 120 Million on a team that finished 8 games below .500 and 25 games out, but you'll never hear about it because the powers that be over at the most powerful Sports outlet there is, the ones not sucking up Sox man juice, are Met fans. It pours out in all of their broadcasts.

That's a franchise in real trouble. Think about how great this is though, either the Mets give 20 million a year to an aging speed player with leg problems so bad he can't stay on the field and has proven to be gutless in the clutch time and again, or they let their best player go for nothing and completely alienate what's left of the fan base stopping them from buying tickets from a broke ass franchise.... they're fucked either way.

BUT I HAVE A SOLUTION FOR THEM....

Let Jose Reyes go and deal David Wright... I've got replacements for them right here...

I understand that you can't have a team in New York without some star power though, and I've taken that under consideration. So leading off, playing Centerfield....

Julia Styles... why not. She can't be any worse of a ballplayer than she is an a actress, can she? Put me in coach, look at me, I can be Centerfield....

But the Mets need a solid # 1-2 starting pitching type. Got it covered... who better than New York native....



Alyssa Milano. That's right, how can she NOT know how to pitch, she's been run through by every pitcher in the league, hasn't she? Don't worry Alyssa, you've been my # 1 starter since I was 8 years old and nothing will ever change that. Not even scurrying out of the Met locker room pulling your uniform on...

But there are so many more holes to fill on this squad, and I aim to fill them all.... at second base....

I have no idea who she is, other than being Latin, but isn't that the formula the Mets employ for filling out their roster? Besides, how can you argue against calling her up and giving her a shot in the bigs, just look at this form....

That's right baby, get down low and keep those balls in front of you. Play them off your chest if you have to. You've got plenty of time to get him.

In today's game you just can't win without some cheap players filling out the roster, can you? The Mets need to bring in a catcher.

Here we go, getting into her crouching position. Now this is a player I can really get behind. She can catch what I'm hurling in any day of the week. That's my sleeper pick for rookie of the year right there. But we're not finished, are we? Who do we bring out of the pen when we need someone to quiet those bats?

Talk about closing it out down the stretch. Well... maybe not, but these gals can't be much worse than the product on the field right now, and if you're going to SUCK, do it right! Give the fans something to cheer about, a reason to come out to the ballpark next season. I can't stand the Mets, but with this roster I'd have to seriously consider season tickets.

No matter who you root for though, there's one thing I'm sure we all can agree about....

Thank God it's Football season.... And....

GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!

A Real Man... A Great Man... and the Man Cave!

The countdown begins at 11.

Igloo and the Big Man stopped by last night for a few hours, we got a good fire going and chilled out in the yard. There's nothing more manly than building a good fire with the guys, knocking down a few and shooting the shit, is there?

I'm half way through the classic relationship book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus by Dr. John Gray and there are a few points that he really nails that men and women everywhere should always keep in mind. Hey, there's usually a reason something becomes a classic, right? I touched on it in my piece titled "Where Everybody Knows Your Name...." , and I think everyone needs their special place, but for men it's an absolute necessity to have that place we can retreat to and be left alone, away from our problems, and just be guys. In a sense, it allows us to reset ourselves, recharge, and get back into the fight.

You know what I'm talking about. The Man Cave.

Us guys are really simple creatures, and aside from the NEED to get laid (yes, it IS a need for guys, biological function, it's how we're built) there are three essentials that no guy anywhere can ever do without if he's going to feel like a real man and have any hope for happiness. The Man Cave is an integral part in that, and I'll explain why.

Now there's a Man Cave I'd like to get into!

The first Manly essential is the need to feel like a Man, the need to feel great. We all know how that shows itself, its how we fight and argue and compete over everything. Its why we beat our chests like Gorilla's and show off, because we want to show the world I AM A MAN.... and I am GREAT!

And what's the absolute best way to show the rest of the world that you're are, in fact, a Great Real Man?

There she is... or someone like her. And if we can't beat our chests a little, find some way to stand out and show the rest of the guys, "screw you pal, I'm a man too damn it!" well, we feel like less than a man. And less than a man is no man at all. And if you're not a man, then what do you have? Nothing, that's what.

MacGyver is the Man, isn't he? I once saw him build a bomb out of a paper clip, a metal pail and a block of ice. This guy can figure out how to solve anything. And that's what makes him the man, because the second essential that all men have is the need to fix everything. There's a problem? What problem? I got this!

There are always issues, challenges to face, things that have to be done. Men pride themselves on always getting it done, being that go to guy. We want the final shot. We want to be able to take care of everything. Don't worry, I've got this, and have everyone trust us that we do have it under control. As guys, when we're not thinking about how to get laid, we're trying to solve all the problems of everyone we know. Because Great Real Men get it done... and I'm going to show you how! Take away a man's ability to fix things and he might as well be a....

WHOA! You wanted to build a fire.... NOW THAT'S A FIRE! Now I've got to go figure out how to beat my....

But the third thing that all guys have is an essential that flies under the radar and most women never seem to understand, despite the fact that this one is something they should know all too well themselves.

All men everywhere need to feel like they're Real Men, Great Men, right now just by being themselves. Not when we have the right job, not when we have the right house, the big bank account, or we're groomed enough to be showed off to the friends like some damned show pony. We want all of those things for ourselves anyway, but only because they let us get the best toys. And all guys love having new toys....

But let's face it, where in the outside world can a guy go without the constant pressure of "you have to BE more", "you have to HAVE more", "you have to BE better"..... the entire reason we all beat our chests so much is because since the beginning of time ladies like the ones in the pictures up above have been telling us that we have to do all of these things to be "GOOD ENOUGH" to give us the time of day.... but that's the furthest thing from what any guy actually wants....

The guys.... our boys... are the ones that couldn't give a damn about any of that. Amongst each other, we're all MEN, and we're all great, especially when we're farting, belching, and all the other nasty things we do that are still just as funny now as they were at 10 years old. We don't have to be more. We don't have to change for each other, be better. In fact, if someone tries to change... CHANGE? What are you fuckin crazy?! What do you want to go and do that for?

You show me a Man that allows others in kind to gather, a Man who makes it known that you're a Real Man, a Great Man picking your nose and scratching your balls just by drinking that beer and oogling those hooters no matter where you have the stains on your shirt or what condition the car you rode in on.... just like God intended.... And I'll show you a leader of men, a Man other MEN will follow anywhere....

The Man Cave is essential for that. It's a place where MEN can come together and retreat from the world that forces us to beat our chests. Instead, we're free to drink those beers, and scratch our balls, and fart, and be perfect just being who we are, far away from anyone that wants to change us. It's a place where we're free to play with our toys, and figure out all the answers to all of the pressing problems of the world, tackle the important issues like how to fire rockets from remote control helicopters, or...

How to get her to serve us drinks naked while we play cards....

You show me a Man without a Man Cave and I'll show you one who's depressed. And that's a fact. And for you ladies, a word of advice.... if you don't let your Man spend time in his Man Cave... he'll only retreat to the Man Cave in his mind. And then you'll never get him out.

Just like the need to always feel like Real Men, Great Men never goes away, neither does our need for our Man Cave. Its our place in the world where we're always Men! No matter what the circumstances.

In fact, since it was a book on relationships that brought all this up I'll let you ladies in a little secret, and the guys can tell me if this is wrong.... But no man is every ready for marriage until he's tired of beating his chest. And the one and only thing that tells us guys that YOU are the one... is when you let us know we don't have to... because you make us feel like Real Men.... Great Men.... just the way we are.

Of course, it always helps if you let us turn the house into the Man Cave and serve us drinks naked....

Thanks babe... I think I'll stay in tonight.... and maybe try some of that honey....

It Goes Both Ways....

It's funny to me to see the things that people choose to pick out.

And I love a good debate, especially when its off of something that I said. Sometimes I'll say something I don't believe one bit just to see how people will argue against it. So when I got an Anonymous comment last night on my piece "It Doesn't Matter" I thought it was the perfect thing to get me going this morning.

"Maybe the girl is tired of nailing the guy too.. It's a two way street bro!!" is what Anonymous had to say, which I can only figure had to be in response to my comment "show me a beautiful woman and I'll show you a guy who's tired of nailing her." Again, out of that entire piece this one line, which barely had anything to do with what was being said, is the one thing Anonymous picked out of all of it. Funny how that works out.

But maybe Anonymous is right. Maybe the girl is tired of nailing the guy too. Maybe.

Maybe she's so good in bed that no guy EVER gets tired of nailing her. That statement can go weather she's hot or looks like a dump truck. And maybe she's so bad in bed that they get tired before finishing and just leave. That could be no matter what she looks like too. Maybe. And the same goes for guys, maybe he's so bad every woman he brings home walks out before it gets started. Maybe he's so good he has a reputation for it and the ladies line up. Maybe.

Of course, Anonymous is certainly right. It definitely goes both ways.

I've had women that can't stand me continue to have sex with me because I was able to turn them on so much, even after they decided not to sleep with me again, that for days afterward they would ask over and over what it was that I did to them to turn them on so much. I've had women who were like my best friend completely cut me off after deciding I was terrible in bed, which is what led me to learn so much of what I have about how to please a woman in the first place. And I still have a lot to learn. So even with the same person it goes both ways.

I tend to get loud, go crazy, say and do outrageous over the top things and make a spectacle of myself in general when I'm out there having a good time. Some people love me for it, others hate me and can't get far enough away fast enough. Same guy, same actions, same circumstance, opposite reaction depending on who you ask. It goes both ways.

Any time you make any general statements, statements like "Show me a hot woman and I'll show you a guy who's tired of nailing her" then it is certainly bound to go both ways.

If you tried to apply anything of that sort to everyone across the board every time then of course its going to be ridiculous if it were ever meant to be taken that way. But at the same time, every single one of us out there has someone that got tired of hanging out with us. Or tired of sleeping with us. Or tired of dealing with us in some capacity or other, no matter how cool we are, how interesting, how good looking, how good in bed.... that's relationships; that's life. So the statement is still true. Even if it's only happened once, if it's only one person, it's still true.

In Social Science something only has to happen 65% of the time for it to become stereotypical behavior. That's not a lot, and it does leave open a lot of chance for that outcome not to be the case. But it's still 2/3 of the vote, a solid majority. So when people say that stereotypes aren't true, well, a large percentage of the time they're right, but the MAJORITY of the time, 2/3 of the time, the stereotype IS true. A solid majority of actually real life experience says that this is the way that it is, so it IS TRUE... most of the time. Not all of the time, but most of the time, which is why stereotypes do and always will exist.

But its also why its so important to take each person, each situation, on a case by case basis. The stereotype of a person, place or thing might serve to protect you, and are good to keep in mind for that purpose, but I've always felt and say it all the time, "You judge the man by the man."

If you consistently read my blog or know me personally then you also know that this is exactly how I am and exactly how I feel. I'll throw out how things "typically" are in a social science sense as a basis for a grounds of discussion, but also looking for how this time its different.

I don't know who Anonymous is, and its obvious when you throw things out there like "Maybe the girl is tired of nailing the guy too.. It's a two way street bro!!" that you're trying to learn me something, or prove some point, when the statement is obviously taken out of context. You're not making a profound statement. You're not proving yourself right or me wrong.

My blogs are often written from a guys point of view because I'm a guy. But almost anything in them can be taken as "going both ways" or "a two way street". I can probably find an example for you to prove both sides every single time. And I've gone to great lengths time and again to make sure its known where I stand on these things... firmly in the middle. Most of the time, unless I get too personally, emotionally involved in something, I take a scientists angle to these things. I observe and record the observations, along with the mountains of research that's always out there if you're not too lazy to find it. Then I say "This is how it is" because stereotypically, the majority of the time, that's the truth. But please, show me how I'm wrong, and please please show me how you're different.

If I live for anything, I live for the people who are different. Who in life is better than the people who prove the stereotypes wrong? Especially when you're talking about proving deeply rooted social pressured stereotypes wrong, like the smoking hotty who can have any guy she wants choosing the broke guy because she actually loves him. We write books and songs and movies about these things because they're special. And they're special because they rarely happen. They rarely happen because it's human nature to go with the crowd, which is what makes it so difficult to actually be different against the tide of the social world, and why people stand out so much when they do.

This isn't my opinion, its science.

Besides the fact that, the statement "show me a beautiful woman and I'll show you a guy who's tired of nailing her." has never once been a shot against women or anyone else at any time. What that says is that no matter how great a person appears to be on the outside, we're all just people. We all put our pants on the same way, we all have similar problems and emotions, we've all had diarrhea and nasty things coming out of us same as anyone else. No matter how hot or rich or famous or anything else a person is, they're still a person the same way you are, so treat them as one. That means not putting them on any pedestal.

I love when people throw comments out at you coming off as high and mighty when they don't even take the time to think about what's being said, where they come from, or what they actually mean. They do it just to sound good.

And finally, and this is a lesson to all people about everything you do. Anonymous comments have no credibility what so ever. They're akin to yelling out threats in the middle of a crowd but zipping the lips when its one on one. If you don't have the conviction to put your name to your words and stand behind what you claim to believe then those words carry no weight.

My name is out there on every one of my posts. I stand behind what I say. And if I'm wrong I try my best to either explain what I meant or admit that I was wrong once I realize my mistake. Its called accountability.

That being said, I'm wrong all the time. But show me how so I can make myself a better person, don't hide behind the anonymous bush hurling stones where it can't come back at you and then act like some sort of sage for it. I have to be accountable for what I say. That's the price you pay for what I do.

I know it was you Fredo!

If everyone used that same method of accounability, if everyone stood behind what they say or do and stood up and said, yeah, that was me, and had the balls to face the consequences... or just the ability to discuss things further to come to a better understanding.... the world would be a much different place then wouldn't it?

That's a two way street too..... bro!!

Coach LaSota's Formula for Success!!!

There's something strange in the air this morning, feels like it has to do with the way the rest of the day is going to fall, and I don't mean the heat pouring off the Yankee season going down in flames.

With that in mind I need to refocus my energy, which I've needed to do for some time anyway, and what better way to to that than to give you....

Coach LaSota's Formula for Success!!!

As with everything else in life, this is a work in progress, and there's much more to it, but this is a solid start...

So here we go....

Have a clear idea of what's important to you.

The biggest problem that most people have is that they don't really know what it is that they value in life. Then the things that they do, which seem like they're helping, actually pull you away from what it is that your heart really wants. For instance, if the most important thing to you is being a good father, but then you go and gamble away all of the rent money, you're not living in congruence with your values. But how can you live in line with what's important to you if you don't know what that is? Most people don't, then wonder why they're priorities are all screwed.

If you did nothing else, make a list of the 5 things that are most important to you in life and in what order. For me its:

1. Respect
2. Acting Right
3. Stability
4. Family
5. Love

Be Passionate about what you're doing.

Lets face it, anything that's going to work in your life is going to take a lot of doing, long hours, and getting passed road blocks. Its going to take facing tough challenges and putting your balls on the line, usually against some pretty scary odds. If you aren't passionate about whatever it is that you're trying to find find success with there's no way in hell you're going to put in those long hours or push passed those obstacles.

Believe its something worth doing and that you can do it

I've already spoken in great length about the power that even a small amount of belief can have and what can be accomplished because of it in my post "Facebook - The High School Lunch Room, and the power of BELIEF!!!". What is confidence but believing you can do something plus the faith that it will turn out the way you want it to? On the flip side to that, what is hopelessess but losing every sense of that very same thing? And there's nothing more crushing than hopelessness. You can know what you want and be passionate about doing it, but if you don't believe that you CAN do it you'll be stopped in your tracks quicker than a horse with no legs. And a horse with no legs will never be able to run now will it?

In fact, beliefs, whether right or wrong, are the table legs that hold our entire lives above the ground. You have to have this power working for you rather than against you.

Build a concrete plan to get the goal accomplished

I always like to use the analogy of the road trip to the Alamo. Remember the Alamo! Seems like a place everyone should visit, right? How can you remember something if you've never seen it? Not the point of the saying, I know, but whatever. Its a good road trip.

But there are many ways to go to get to the Alamo through this great big country we have here. You can map out a bunch of different things to hit along the way, make it a great trip, and be sure to end up at the Alamo. But what do you suppose would be the chances of getting to the Alamo if you just walked out your door and started wondering around out there? Not very good are they? Sure, you can go in a ton of directions, see and do a lot of things, but your chances of getting lost along the way are enormous.

Yet most of us live our lives like this. We go out there without a map, stumble around for a while and expect we're going to smack right into the Alamo, and how? By sheer luck? Then we get upset or confused when we end up in Cleveland with no money to get back home. At that point you're stuck there.

Do you want to be stuck in a place in life where you never intended to be without knowing how you got there or how to get out? Most of us are. Having a plan prevents this from happening. Or can get you back on the road when you make a wrong turn.

Have the energy to ACT, the mental energy to think clearly, and the positive energy to attract positive results

This is probably the single most important thing on this list, yet amazingly, its the one that's most neglected, and the very first thing that's sacrificed in the name of everything else in life. Let's face it, every single other item here takes a certain amount of energy to do. And if you feel like crap, you're not going to do ANY of it. Hell, even if you could do it anyway, you're not going to feel like it, so it's not going to get done. Or if it does, it'll be a half assed job.

This requires getting enough sleep. Eating right, exercise, and maybe most important, relaxing and spending time with friends and doing things that are fun. What good is any amount of success if you're too busy to feel good. And if you feel good, that's what its all about baby, you're already a success. Feeling good is the name of the game. I've got a good personal trainer if you need help with this here.

Always communicate perfectly what you want and what you're willing and able to do to get it with everyone, ESPECIALLY yourself

Its important that people know where you're coming from and what you want. How many of life's conflicts are over something simple, but come because we just aren't clear on how the other person see's things. The messed up thing about this is that the person we offend the most here is ourselves. You might not realize it, but you're talking to yourself literally every moment of every day, even while you sleep.

When you do this you're actually programming your subconscious mind, and your subconscious is a powerful Jedi, it's the engine that makes everything go. Yet ever single time you tell yourself you can't do something, it rattles around back there until you begin to believe it. Every time you tell yourself you want something that pulls you away from your values, it creates a jumbled mess in your mind that clouds your vision of what's important. As the saying goes, you can lie to me all you want but you can't lie to yourself. Its a sure way to an unhappy life. Except that most of us are pulling the wool over our own eyes without even realizing it.

Just as with the Alamo, if you're not clear on exactly what you want, how is anyone (including yourself) ever going to be able to give it to you?

Build strong connections and relationships with others to help carry you through. Especially with people that make life enjoyable. You're only as good as your support system.

Anthony Robbins always says the quality of your communication is the quality of your life. And according to Dale Carnegie, 85% of success comes from how you communicate with others. It truly is who you know, not what you know, and that goes for the people in every aspect of your life. Sometimes it's the person that gets your foot in the door, gets you that business meeting or job interview. Sometimes its the people that pick you up when you're down or believe in you so much it makes you believe in yourself. At others it people that spread the word for your cause.

I go into this in full detail in the post "The KEY TO SUCCESS IS RIGHT IN HERE.... if you read it... "

Even if you're not ready to take all these steps at once, be sure to take care of that very first one. If you know what's most important to you in life, and have your own 10 commandment, your Knights Code to live by, and you always stick to those guns, then you're ahead of the game already.

Everyone has their Hustle....

I couldn't stand being in the house anymore, so I went out to the little coffee shop a few blocks away just to get out of there, maybe get something down, and wound up walking in on some ladies gawdy jewelry night. It's amazing; everyone has their hustle, huh?

Luckily Duke was in there, another guy like me who pops in from time to time to get some work done. He's a pretty good guy, something out of a Kerouac book, or another similar type thing. Duke was telling me about house concerts, which he's looking to get into, where musicians travel around playing private shows inside strangers' living rooms. The musician gets a meal and a bed and whatever the guests that night decide to donate, and then its on to the next gig. Sounds like something out of another time, another age.

It's always interesting to hear that stuff like that still goes on. But then, everyone has their hustle, don't they?

In a few months time Duke will be on the road doing his thing and I'll mostly forget ever knowing him; such is life. That being said, I can still see a little red-headed mulatto girl that I had spent a few hours talking to on the greyhound between St. Louis, MO and Philadelphia, PA, oh, 15 years ago now. They move in and drift out, fill time, space and gaps for just a while and then they're gone. And that goes for all of them, no matter the time or space they fill, or however long the while.

It's both the saddest and most beautiful thing about life. I can never help, when I see someone interesting, but to watch and wonder what their story is. I can never help, when I'm caught by random memories of random folk, but to wonder where life has taken them. I guess that's why I write.

I still can't decide which was worse, the looks I was getting from the fifty something's in there like they wanted to show me a thing or two out of their bag of tricks, or the wares they were trying to peddle. Don't get me wrong, I love older women. Just not these ones. Then again, I just got separate emails for NaughtyDating, SaucyDating, JuicyDating and FlirtyDating, so I guess there's something for everyone out there, and you can't blame them for looking can you? It's the lip licking that got me. There are also black singles in my area, and my Russian mail order bride is waiting. When it comes to the ladies... everyone has their hustle.

Speaking of doing their hustle with the ladies, who's better than Rudy Ray Moore star of Dolemite! ?

And why don't you ever see Irish mail order brides?

And when you get a wife mailed to you, how are they shipped? Do they come like this?

Talking about hustling people and looking for things to post about it got me to thinking about an under rated movie that I love, Kung Fu Hustle. Its possible that it just catches me the right away, and its something only I'd be into, but if you're into campy kung fu type action comedies you should rent it.

Even Paul Newman had his hustle down. Ever see the classic The Hustler with Newman and Ralph Cram... er, Jackie Gleeson?

That's such a great movie that they had to make a sequel to it twenty five years later and throw Tom Cruise into the mix with Martin Scorsese directing it. The Color of Money is probably one of the best under the radar fliks with megastars that you'll ever see. But then, isn't that the point of a good hustle, to come under the radar, and by the time you notice you've been had it's already too late?

Look at that. Even Abraham Lincoln, good ole Honest Abe had his hustle down.

One thing that's clear to me, especially now after writing this, is that I have no idea what the hell I'm talking about here. I'm telling you how everyone has their hustle, but talking about movies and where I find my women; nothing about hustling, how to do it, or pointing out examples at all.

What a horror! I guess its obvious that I have no hustle at all. No wonder I haven't been making any money on this. Go around the rest of this site and click the ads for me, I need all the help I can get. Geez, I should probably just give this whole thing up, and maybe I will.... none of this even makes any sense today....

Everyone has their hustle but me!

Live the Scam. Work the Sham!

And click the ads!

Go Yanks!

Steve Jobs, Men's Jobs, working men.... The Jobs Edition!

I wasn't going to post anything today, but with the passing of Steve Jobs and the hero worship that ensued I had to put my 2 cents in.

Everyone loves Steve Jobs, brilliant innovator, billionaire, changed the world.... denied his illegitimate daughter for years and made her live off of welfare while he made millions..... A Great Man.... A Real Man.....

You can't deny the impact that Jobs had, but what kind of a person puts their kids through that? Especially when they have more than the means to do otherwise. And are we really better off as a people because we can get on facebook and download movies from our phone, yet kids rarely play outside anymore and people don't even know their neighbors?

Is it our great accomplishments, or the money we make that shows our worth, or is it the character that we display? And everyone has the skeletons in their closet, we all make mistakes.... but claiming to be infertile in court so that you can continue to be a dead beat dad is pure scum. Yet everyone loves Steve Jobs.

It brings me right back to an article my buddy shared with me recently written by William J. Bennet titled Why Men are in Trouble about how it really is becoming a woman's world.

You have to read the article, please, because there are some very disturbing trends and statistics that it shows off here, which I won't rehash so you'll need to check it out, but none more disturbing than the claim from women "WHERE HAVE ALL THE REAL MEN GONE?"

It's a good topic, but its also a skewed perspective, and I'm the perfect example of that.

I enjoy video games, but don't play them often. I work my ass off in a lot of different areas, yet no matter what I do I can't catch a break. So I'm broke with a job I hate and live with my mother.

There are no jobs out there for men, and the few that are you either have to fight an entire city for just a few slots like the city jobs, and those very often go to minorities, and minority women at that, or you have to fight against illegal aliens who will do the job for half the pay without regard for safety.

And then, again with a guy like me, in high school my father wasn't around and I took care of the kids while my mother worked 3 jobs, so I never had a childhood to learn who I am. Then I moved out at 16 because my mother couldn't afford a place big enough, got kicked out of college because it was the first chance I had to be a kid, and have struggled between one dead end job after another ever since with the door slamming closed on me at every single turn.
 

I moved to Vegas with my girl for a chance at a better life and you know what happened there. So I came home to finish getting my degree, but now that I have it I can't get a job with that college degree, and can't get a job making enough to pay the bills. Companies now even use the poor economy as an excuse to slash salaries and take advantage of people... "You know, in this economy...." but the cost of living or rent isn't going down at all.

But if you ask a woman, I'm not a real man. The real man is the guy who's had everything given to him, so now at my same age he owns a house and his own business. Or a real man is the guy on the police or fire department that I scored 20 points higher than on the tests and am in better shape, but he got the job and I didn't. So he makes 100G a year now doing nothing.

You'd be amazed at how being a "real" man has to do with the money you bring home, the vacations you go on, the partying you do, but not anything to do with the quality of human being you are.

We live in a society where recording artists beat the hell out of their women, athletes rape girls in bathrooms, get drunk and run down and kill average people in their cars, Presidents kill their own people to go to war, and billionaires deny their children forcing them to live off of welfare... but these are "REAL MEN"

But the guy who breaks his ass working 2 jobs just to pay the bills, trying to do it the right way, but doesn't get the opportunities we all need is a loser.

The problem is exactly articles like this, because its exactly how people think. They never look at the root cause of a thing, only where it is in the here and now.

And then it's "oh, yes, you're right, people should look at you differently.", but it's always left for someone else to do it.

I've written two books that have been published, have a college degree, have taught children how to read, been a mentor through coaching football, and sacrificed much of my life for my family.... yet I'm not a man to most people....

And there are many, MANY men out there like me in similar situations. 

It doesn't matter how smart you are, or how cool, or how good you are at the things you do, or how good those things are. The cast of Jersey Shore is rich and famous and I'm a fuckin bum and a loser that lives with his mother.

Its a nice sentiment to think "its not if you won or lost but how you play the game" except its one of the oldest lies there is. Socially all that matters to people are results. And no matter how much or how hard or how good you work, without results you're shit. If you can't make THEIR lives better, you're shit.

Most people that read this will deny the truth of these words because that requires taking a good hard look at yourself and how you look at other people and why. But many of our problems in society are a direct result of how we treat each other, and how we respect each other, and our reasons for it. Until we change what we honor and respect we're going to continue going down the toilet.

I'm howling at the moon in my clown suit again, I know. But it had to be said.

"Hooray for Firemen, sons of bitches that they are every day of their lives, run into a fire and you're a hero." - Kurt Vonnegut.

And God love Steve Jobs.

But what the hell do I know. I don't contribute much to society.

Are you a Hypocrite? Probably. "Look at me? I'm jumping on the bandwagon" and Real Steel review...

I don't get it, I thought it was the perfect idea, but very few people bought into it.

I suggested that, in honor of Steve Jobs greatness, any guy that gets his girlfriend pregnant this week doesn't have to take care of the kid. And if anything is said to bring down that guy's image all he has to do is shrug his shoulders and say, "Hey, sorry, everybody makes mistakes" and all will be forgiven.

Look, I have nothing against Steve Jobs, he was a man, both great and fallible as any other. The issue that I have was with all of the hero worship, all the "inspirational" quotes, and the public praising of someone that 2 days before his death, most people doing the praising probably didn't even know who he was.

Two days later, Al Davis, owner of the Oakland Raiders and NFL pioneer passed and you barely heard word one about it. Yet Davis had just as much impact on our society as Steve Jobs.

Since you don't know, Al Davis hired the first Black Head Coach in NFL history, the first Latino Head coach in NFL history, and the first woman CEO in sports. Oh, and he's the guy directly responsible for forcing a little shindig we call the Superbowl!

That's right people, without Al Davis the Superbowl, which has become such a huge event that major advertisers base their entire years ad campaigns around it (everything you buy or are brainwashed with centers around this day) and most people believe should be declared a national holiday at this point, wouldn't exist. No Al Davis, No Superbowl. That means no NFL as we know it. How's that for major impact on society? If you don't think that affects you as much as your computer you really don't know how it all works, and you're simply kidding yourself.

But there was no love for Al Davis. Why is that?

If you went crazy with all of the Steve Jobs nut riding, if you posted quotes left and right about how great and inspirational he was, but didn't throw out even one "Just Win Baby" in honor of Davis, you're a hypocrite.

If you rail against father's that don't take care of their kids, but then praise Steve Jobs, you're a hypocrite. In fact, if you ever complain about how anyone else has wronged you... ever.... but throw Steve Jobs quotes up there or an everyone make's mistakes... you're a hypocrite.

You can't have it both ways. But just as I said in the last article "The Jobs Edition", its not about how inspirational the person is, its not about the greatness of their character, it's about results. That's what people are praising, which only makes Davis' "Just Win, Baby" mantra all the more fitting.

And let's face it, the people doing all the public praising of our celebrities... for most of them it has nothing at all to do with the hero worship or the great things these people did either. It has EVERYTHING to do with screaming "HEY, LOOK AT ME!!!". "I just posted the same quote 85 other people posted, I'm just as inspirational". "Hey, Look At me! I'm part of the club too! I can slobber all over this guys nuts so that you'll slobber all over mine!" "Tell me how great I am for putting this up... PLLEEEAAASSSEEE!!!"

More "Look at Me". That's all this ever is. 

Well, I'm not part of the club, thanks. That's not a club I want any part of, though sadly, most of our society is. That's the herded sheep part of the world we live in, because most people are a bunch of followers not only willing, but wanting to stick their head in the sand and avoid things as they really are because to do so, to speak out against it puts you outside of the social set. So we sell our souls to jump on the bandwagon, that way everyone will accept us, or at least pretend to. But it's ok if they only pretend to, what they're accepting isn't really us, but who or what we're pretending to be anyway.

Let's all pretend, like we live in Mr. Rogers neighborhood. Perception is the important thing, right? Not truth.

I'll continue to say it as it's now become my mission to point this out and change how people look at things, that how we treat each other and why, who we respect and why, is directly responsible for all of the problems that we now face, including the economy.

Watch this clip, it's not haha funny George Carlin, it's old, cranky just about to kick and pissed at the world Carlin... but he's exactly right and if you don't think so, then you're part of the problem...

Speaking of father's that don't take care of their kids, I checked out the movie Real Steel the other night. The advertising has had me wanting to see it for months now, afterall, what's not to like about Rocky with robots? It's about a former boxing dead beat dad that redeems himself, so it perfectly fit the theme for my weekend.

I was a bit nervous when I saw all the kids pile into the theatre, the crowd can make or break a movie and with kids you never know which you're going to get. And while it may have been a family film, it certainly wasn't a kid's movie.

The story takes some time to get into and its definitely predictable. There also wasn't enough of the robot fighting, though those scenes were pretty cool. But when the big arena scenes hit, and all the kids in the crowd began clapping in unison with the crowd on the screen, you couldn't help to be sucked in. This time the theatre crowd actually made the movie, and by the end there was nothing not to like.

Olga Fonda is in Real Steel



If you have kids you should take them to see Real Steel. If you're a kid at heart you should go check it out. Otherwise wait for video, where if nothing else you'll be entertained for two hours by a solid formula flik.

I didn't want to get into this heavy business today, had a great weekend and preferred that be what I rambled about, but it was important that you know. If I made you angry it's because I touched a chord, hit you in the moral center. You're mad because I'm right. And if you agree... help me get people seeing things the right way again.

JUST WIN BABY!!!

The Good Things in Life and Keeping Your Head When the Wheels Fall Off....

The other day I was having one of those mornings where the wheels fall off before you even get going. I hadn't slept all night, everytime I was about to doze off one of the dogs went nuts, and this kept happening. So I was exhausted already at the start of what was going to be a long day.

She knows what I'm talking about. Then for various reasons, several important players on my Sunday morning Softball team told me at the last minute possible that they weren't going to be there. One of them had some of the equipment I needed, so we were short handed without supplies for games we HAD to win against a 6-0 team no less. And I had to deal with it.... SCREWED.

Upon getting to the field, the wife of one of the guys that did show made a joke that we might lose him too if her water broke. At least I thought it was a joke. Her water broke in the 2nd inning or so. Then, whether it was the lack of sleep, my anxiety, allergies, or all of the above, my entire world started to spin and I was so nautious that I had to take myself out. The whole morning was a complete disaster, and the day was just starting....

Except we managed to win both games. Not only did we win, but there was only one point where we were in danger of losing.

Later that day I had a wedding to go to for another of the guys on the team, but by the time I got home from the games I was completely shot, and sitting down to watch some football made it really difficult to get things back in gear again. Beyond that, formal activities where you have to don the suit and tie aren't my bag; I think I'd do very well if I could spent the rest of my life in shorts and a Hawaiian shirt. Weddings are awkward for me, and I only knew three or four people that would be there, so there was every chance that this could be a total trainwreck.....

But my buddy invited me, went to the expense of paying for my plate, and probably a whole lot more just to be allowed to have me there; I'm not exactly the one people readily admit to their family and loved ones they even know, much less want to have around for special events. I couldn't let him down, so I sucked it up, dealt with my crap, and got my ass to the church... er, Temple, on time.

I ended up having a great time!

Somewhere during the middle of the ceremonies I received a text from my buddy who's wife's water broke at the field. His new son was born and everything was looking good. It turned out to be a GREAT day, one of the best I've had in a while. So it just goes to show that, even when things look their worst, it can all turn out so much better than you expected, even special, if you just take a breath, relax and take it easy, and let it all play out in front of you.

"If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you; Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it, and which is more; you'll be a Man, my son!" - Rudyard Kipling.

Of course, that's paraphrased from the classic poem IF, you should read the entire poem though, so click the link. If you're confused by the pic, Kipling wrote The Junglebook.

While I sat at my buddies wedding, I couldn't help but remember the first time I saw him, I can remember it clear as day and it'll probably be etched in my mind forever. He looked like Topper Harley from Hot Shots, and the name stuck, we've been calling him that ever since. I haven't known him for long, but he's one of the most genuine people I've ever come across, you can see how he feels plain as day written all over his face, and he always seems to surprise you with what he knows or how good he is at something. Its people like Topper that make life worthwhile, and here I was sharing the most important day of his life. He even took the time to yell at me for not taking care of myself better.

It got me to thinking, whether its a wedding or anything else, even just a random party for no reason, we should take the time to celebrate each other more than we do. What else really is there in life?

The wedding showed me one other important thing too, this about myself. I've spent so much time holding on for so long just so that the wheels don't fall off, like I started this piece with, holding on so that I don't make a total ass of myself, which I'm very good at, that I've lost the ability to let go and just be. I'm probably terrified that I don't know what's going to happen, what will come out if I do. People think I'm crazy already, and this is me restrained. What would you see, and what would people think, if that manimal got out of its cage?

Trouble is... that's where all the good stuff is. That's where you're really living life, and what good is life if you're not living it. For too long I haven't been, and now I've forgotten how. There's an entire different level that I can take my game to, but I'll never be able to get there until I'm able to unleash the beast. And I can't help but wonder how many of you are in a similar way.

At least I know now what I'm looking for. If I ever end up getting hitched like my buddy there, its going to be to the person that helps me open the cage. She has to be able to get me to dance. Not just get me to do it, but get me to want to do it. And it strikes me that a lot of people are unhappy because of this very thing... when we all should surround ourselves with nothing but the people and things that break us out of our cages, we instead chase after and get caught by the ones who would put us in it. And that's just no way to live. Who wants to live in a cage?

And as if the stars were in alignment, this morning I saw this....

I think the Dalai Lama said it best... so I'll leave it there for today...

CLICK HERE FOR PART 2