A deeply personal note from me to you... because you're incredible...

A lot of people had gotten to me yesterday about how much they could relate with what I was talking about. I had known that what I said was good and right because it came from that place where I was being as honest as a person can possibly be.

For a long time I had worried about what others thought about my work and what I was doing in pretty much all of my work and all of what I was doing. The end result became a sort of half truth that only proved to suppress me in the same way that all of my dead end jobs I never wanted to be at in the first place did. It was evident in my writing; even when it was good something was missing, and it failed to make that same sort of connection as yesterday's piece.

I have spent a long time now studying people, and there are two truths that have been since the first human breath was taken, and will always be true until the very last. Both involve our longing. The first is our longing to freely express our soul, as we do as children, to pour all of the joys of our heart into the world around us through our work, our play.

You show me a person who's forced to do things that they don't want to do too often and I'll show you a miserable bastard. Show me a person that doesn't have opportunities, for whatever the reasons, fear, oppression, to show off who it is that they really are through the things that they do and I'll show you desperation.

The other thing that we all long for is that sense of connection with our fellow man. We need to know that people get us, understand how we feel; we need to understand them. We need to know that we matter. We all, every one of us, need to feel loved, that we're not alone in the world, that we make a difference in people's lives, that we make those lives better.

You show me someone who feels alone in the world and I'll show you a person on the edge. You show me a person who feels like they don't matter and I'll show you a person who's lost everything, who's lost hope.

I've been driven to do most of everything that I've done so far in life by all of the worst in people. I was ruthlessly abused by my peers for all of the things that I didn't have, growing up as poor as can be. In many ways that still happens every day. No matter what I've ever done, it was never good enough for any of the people I surrounded myself with, I was never good enough, and that tainted the lens through which I see the world and left me jaded. In many ways I'm still not good enough. I became terrified to express who I am; I developed major depressive disorder, which I still deal with daily.

Many people have told me, and will tell me, that if I want to make a career of being a Life Coach then I can't show that side of myself. I can't be weak. I always have to put my best foot forward. I think that's a total crock of shit.

If you read my blog daily I take you along with me on my ups and downs. Some days I'm happy; some days I'm sad. Some days I'm strong, full of fire, and some I'm crushed by the days events. That's because I'm human, a man, real. It's precisely because of my pain that I can empathize with others' pain. It's because I've felt what they feel that I can see hurt in their eyes and my soul cries out to help them never to feel that again. It's because I don't want to hurt that I don't want you to hurt. It's because I, for so long, have been unable to express myself that I want you to be able to do so, to pour everything into realizing your dreams.

And that's precisely why I know how good I can be at this.

We all see the world in a certain way based on where we've been, what we've seen, who we're with and what has happened to us from our first thought to this moment right now. It's something I bring up often, and for good reason. Who we are and what we do rolls right off of that, is a direct result of it.

Our only real success in life comes from how well and how often we're able to fulfill those two longings, to find that self expression, in making that real human connection. That's where true happiness lies. And you can never find happiness without it. I've never been very good at either, and it's impossible not to see the marked difference in me when I am able to pull it off. But in my struggle to do so I've come to a great understanding of myself. 

I've never been the guy people seek out for a good time, never the one they think about when things are good. But, like a priest, they come to me when in need and disappear once fulfilled. The things that I do for that great release, writing, my pictures, Personal Performance Consulting (I like that one), are not and can not be the sort of thing I throw out in your face and convince you to want, or need, or get into. As such, I can not myself be something that I can convince people to want, or need, or be into. Rather, they have to be there when you need them, to connect, to see beauty, to make you feel better about who you are. I have to be there for you when you need.

This blog started as one thing, and became something very different. It's become my way of showing you all how I see the world. It's become my way of showing you who I am. And when you enjoy it, when you can relate, when you agree with or know what it is that I'm saying, when you feel the same, then in those brief moments you are connecting with my heart; you're one with my soul. In those moments you are me, and I am you. In those moments... I'm not alone. In those moments I'm free, and I matter.

For all of those reasons I thank you with every fiber of my being.
And I love you.

Sincerely,
John LaSota

Love Triangles and what only comes with Experience....

I wonder if I should be disturbed by the fact that I can tell what movie someone is watching on the computer behind me just by the sound of the voices, not even by what they're saying. I probably watch too many damn movies.

I was in a pissy mood for much of the afternoon because of an argument I never wanted to get into. A lady friend has herself a new boyfriend, and since that's happened I've been distant and she couldn't understand why.

How do you write your women so well?

I think of a man, then I take away

accountability and reason

Five times it's happened to me, women that I spoke to all day everyday about everything completely cut me off once they got themselves a new boyfriend. Five times. Somehow it actually makes things worse that none of these women were people that I was interested in. They were all girls that I had dated before hand and for whatever reason we were just better when we weren't. It's the only thing that's kept me from being Ducky.

The truth of the matter is that they did exactly what SHOULD be done. You (and by that I mean the ladies) can't have that kind of relationship with one guy while you're dating another. All of those things, talking about your problems, cards and crap to cheer you up, flowers just to make you smile.... that's your boyfriends job. There's no room for two roosters in that hen house. And if you can't turn to your man for those things, well, that's your problem, you chose poorly, and you shouldn't be with him.

At the end of the day, whatever you want to call it, when one thing begins another thing ends. That's the circle of life. When we're young our friends are our lives. As we get older and it's time for wives and husbands, we just don't have as much time for beers and bullshit anymore; those relationships with our old friends have to change. And when the kids come there's barely enough time for wives and husbands. That's just the way it is; natural progression.

No matter how you chalk it up, a girl trying to keep the guy friend and the boyfriend wants to have her cake and eat it too, and it's not fair to either of them. It doesn't work for more reasons than there's space to list here, and eventually someone, if not all three of you, is going to get emotionally mangled over the whole affair. It's simple social dynamics, and why so many of the tragedies in literature from the beginning of time centered around the love triangle.

One of the coolest things about getting older, I've always felt, was the day that I began to understand my parents and the things that they did while I was growing up. Not that they did the right thing, but that I had experienced enough life to see why they may have thought their actions were best at the time. And just like them trying to explain it to 15 year old me, there's just no way that I could make that particular girl understand what I was getting at before, why I was backing away. There are just some things that you can only truly know from having lived through it. And just no way of teaching these to others if they haven't, which is why teenagers think they know everything until they hit their 20's. And 20 somethings swear they know it all until they hit their 30's, and so on and so forth.

It's crazy to think about, but it really did hit me last night, now that I'm in my mid- 30's (and any of you there with me will relate) I really am at a different level than most anyone still in their 20's. And when you've lived a hard life like I have, as opposed to those fortunate enough to have had the Cancun resort vacations with their friends twice a year and Brooklyn rooftop parties every weekend, that level of experience becomes an entirely different animal, because there's a place mired in that grimey underbelly of hard knocks that age alone won't get; the kind you only know when life stomped its foot down on your throat and refuses to take it off. Trying to get people at lower levels of experience to understand what you're saying, where you're coming from, and that you know what you're talking about because you've seen it over and over again is as futile a gesture as me trying to read Chinese. Especially if they are those 20 somethings with the Cancun vacations and out there "living life man", because they know everything, they won't listen. Just like your parents, the only thing you can do is step back and say "Alright then, drop that TV on your head you little bastard!", and wait for them to reach the day that they've experienced enough to understand you.

And so here I am finding the real challenge that I'm facing, and I bring this up because many of you right now are experiencing the very same thing, and it also brings us full circle. I hadn't realized it because of where I was at the time, but I quietly slipped into that stage where it's time for wives and husbands, as have most of my friends. A 20 something told me a few months back, "what about you, you've gotten old and you're not even that old yet", but that isn't it at all, rather I've gotten to a place where getting drunk and puking on my self, staying out all night and dragging my ass into work the next day has lost its luster and my minds focus, my heart, has turned to other things. Things like family; things like legacy; and we all make that transition eventually.

But as your friends get married and have kids, as they make that transition themselves, the pool begins to dwindle. And with the economy the way it is, many of us are right back to the same situation we were in back in our 20's, broke and struggling to find good work, unsure if you're ever going to be able to pay those bills and find your way to the mountain top. So you're left hanging between 2 worlds, being the old guy at the bar with the 20 somethings who really can't get where you're coming from (or rarely at least) even if they tried and are still in that party stage anyway, or the ones on your level, who are scarce and hard to meet as it is, that are either looking for a stability that you can't give them, or are where they are and available because they're a complete train wreck of a human being.

I guess I'm of the train wreck variety if I'm honest with myself. The curse is that I'm self aware enough to realize it. Which only adds more obstacles to this minefield.

So I write this for all of you who are feeling out of place in the world right now, those who feel like the boat has left and you're not on it....

You're not alone out there.

I may not have the answers for you... I may not have them for myself... but we can find them together.

Later People! 

Join my fanpage John LaSota - Writer
Or our creative team's page The Mad Doser Presents

And if you need a healthy helping hand from a Personal Performance Consultant
Coach LaSota

The Truth About Marijuana, Trampoline Dodgeball and things just done well....

As I get older I appreciate things that are just done well more and more, especially if its something that I'm into like photography, sports, video, random ridiculous fun.... but all too often as people we get caught up in talking about and tearing down the things we don't like. Well, I've been looking at some things, and every once in a while I have to take a step back and point out to you good people some of those cool things that I've found and give credit to the people who brought it to you.

For instance, if you're a fan of David Bowie then you might get a kick out of the fact that illustrator Andrew Kolb has turned "Space Oddity" into a picture book for kids. Personally I'm not much of a Bowie fan outside of Labrynth, but I really dig the creativity it required to even make the attempt, and the author is giving it away for free. That in itself is cool enough to check out.

How cool is this shot?

Taken from thatcutesite.com

Now, I can really see the potential for people mangling themselves in so many ways with this, but at the same time it looks like it could be the most ridiculously fun thing to do that I've heard of in a long time. I'm talking about Trampoline Dodgeball. I've never been one to subscribe to the notion that Dodgeball ruins self esteem in the little ones... I was a little one and I LOVED dodgeball, mostly because I wasn't a spaz, but this takes the buffoonery to a whole new level. I'm PSYCHED that they're opening a place about an hour away from me in Valley Cottage, NY in October at a place called Bounce and can't wait to get in there! Some of you are coming with me.

By now you know how much I can't stand the no talent hacks coming out of Hollywood, and I've said that as visually stunning as James Cameron's Avatar was, it seemed like a bunch of other movies pieced together. SO when I saw this I cried; it's brilliant and you should take a look. Disney's Pocahontas, er, Jame's Cameron's Avatar.... I think you nailed this Matt Bateman!

This is just an absolutely stunning picture of Hadrian's Wall

Taken from hadrians-wall.org

I've never been the type to worry about dropping good money on a good meal, and checking out new restaurants is something that I really enjoy, especially if there's something about it that you just can't get anywhere else. So when I saw this about Ithaa Restaurant, an underwater eatery so deep that the last Tsunami had no effect on it, I just had to check it out. For all I know the food could taste like rubbish, but then you're not really going down there for the food, are you? My friend Joanne is going to have to take me one day in her many travels, because that's what she does. It'd be cool to have a place like this around here, but the idea of watching that last turd I flushed float by above my head isn't exactly condusive to fine dining.

And here's something I just thought could come in handy, its a battery with a USB port, check it...

Pretty sick, huh? You tell me how primitive people

were able to pull this off without the help of aliens.

Taken from tourexpi.com

I have some strange obsession with yards completely enclosed by the house surrounding it all under a greenhouse roof, sort of like the way they have things set up at Sam's Town in good ole Las Vegas. I have some strange obsession with Real Estate in general really, the design of the building, the landscaping, the space, all of it. If there's some mix of sick architecture surrounded by mother nature I'm all in. So I think my next vacation has to be to this place in Ecuador, the Mashpi Lodge in the Mashpi Rainforest. Heating, cooling and power are some of the things I always have rolling around in my head when I think of these things, as in how to get them, and seeing they use hydroelectric in the jungle knocked my socks off. Beyond that, the place just looks incredible, and as long as I don't have to worry about Guerilla's (the ones with guns) it seems like an amazing experience. Hell... the Guerilla's would be an experience....

I didn't add a caption here for this because it's just one of many unbelievable shots that they have up at The Cool Hunter. If you're a fan of photography, or just beauty in general, then you absolutely owe it to yourself to check this out. I am completely in awe of the talent that it takes to even see these shots, much less find a way to present it to the world, and seeing them has me inspired. This is the kind of thing I could dedicate my life to. This is the beauty that's out there that most people never get to see and would be better just knowing it's out there.

This could be photoshopped, Bonsai trees growing out

of cracks in the side walk seems a bit far fetched, but

I still love shots like this. You find these things everyday

if you just take the time to look.

Taken from themetapicture.com

NFL Football is about to kick off this weekend, which has everyone on the planet pumped, so it's as good a time as any for me to reach back and throw this out there. I'm a HUGE sports fan, and an admitted stat geek, so when the new Total Quarterback Rating came out it just about gave me a hard on. They finally have an all encompassing statistic that tells you exactly how important every player on the field is. This really does cover every scenario that pops us, as seen in this Guide to Total QB Rating and I for one CAN'T WAIT till pulls the card on all of those over hyped over rated "stars" of the game out there.

Uh... just because...

Her name is Heather Doss... but I won't post a link because

she gets.... neked!

Here's what you all came for, I know. The Truth About Marijuana. I haven't done my fact checks on this, but from what I know about human nature, conspiracy theory, and how the machine is rigged to run, everything that's said in here makes total sense. I hadn't heard this angle before in anything that I've read, so look into it on your own before you take it as fact, as you should with everything, but if nothing else it's an interesting take on the subject. The article is more than 15 years old now, so I'm surprised that it's even still up, but read it and let me know what you think.

Finally, speaking of things done well, my very good friend Thaddeus over at TMCtheShow sent me this video up above. You have to be a fan of Star Wars and remember the old TV show Dallas and how it was done to truly appreciate it, but man did they nail this clip. It was done perfectly. And if you haven't done so already then be sure to check out TMCtheShow, they're doing some really great things and I know you'll enjoy it.

Later People! 

Join my fanpage John LaSota - Writer
Or our creative team's page The Mad Doser Presents

And if you need a healthy helping hand from a Personal Performance Consultant
Coach LaSota

 

Unemployment, Shootings in New York City, Labor day and acting right...

Now that Labor Day has passed the summer is officially behind us (though not scientifically speaking until Sept. 23). It's 62 degrees in New York and, of course, raining some more, but what else is new. College Football has started and Notre Dame sucks once again, their season over before it began due to the sort of mistakes that can only be categorized as bad coaching. It was a weekend full of that sort of negative vibe.

What the hell is she doing?

I mean, yeah, that's one big ass tree, but she's been

standing like that staring at it for hours. There's been an

epidemic of people doing whacky nonsense out there.

39 people were shot in New York city over a 2 day span from Noon Saturday until Monday afternoon this labor day weekend. A lot of that may be attributed to the West Indian festivities that kicked off, or at least that's what the papers claimed, apparently this sort of thing happens every year during the West Indian festivities. I don't really pay much mind it, but that's downright disturbing. Most of the shootings were in Brooklyn; most of the shootings happened at parties, or at the hands of people who just left a party. There's no better way to celebrate anything than shooting up a room full of teenagers I tell ya!

I suspect this guy is behind it all.

Just look at him. If that's not a kid toucher, I don't know

what is. Last time I saw him he was trying to capture

the Ambiguously Gay Duo.

This is an old stat back from around 2005 or so, but 44 Americans are murdered every day, and that's not counting other violent crimes, just when they were actually killed. That's compared to 4 soldiers dying per day combined in wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. You can get the figures off the FBI's website if you really want to do the research, but it just goes to show you that it's still not all that safe out there. Just because something bad hasn't happened to you... YET... doesn't mean you're protected in your magic bubble. Especially if you live in Brooklyn. That's not a shot or a crack at Brooklyn, it's just the truth.

Whatever it is that he did,

he was just following orders.

That's what henchmen do.

But don't try to get him to rat

out his boss... he aint talkin...

 I can't imagine that those numbers have gotten any better; if anything they're probably worse. We're not just facing an economic crisis, a depression, we're also facing a crisis of conscience. Somewhere along the line we stopped holding ourselves to higher standards, we stopped enforcing the basic rules of decency out there which holds firm that there are things that are acceptable and things you just don't do. People really just don't know how to act anymore, and that doesn't come out of weekend shootings, those are the end result. The shootings are a result of the little things built up to an explosion, it's talking in movie theatre's, driving in the middle lane all the way to the end of an exit ramp and cutting in on the line of cars doing it the right way, not saying "thank you" when someone holds a door open that's got us here.

Look at this poor woman. She's hunched over in

embarrassment, grabbing her ankle, crying in pain

while he tosses her around in front of a cheering

crowd like its a damn Roman arena.

Can you really blame him though? Just look at that

shirt. You can't pull off pimp without beating your women.

He's going to blame Dr. Venture there up top.

Until we fix the breakdowns in the very fabric of our society and restore that sense of pride in doing the right thing nothing that happens economically will make much of a difference. We'll only destroy it all over again. Greedy people will take advantage because they can get away with it. Animals will continue to act as if might makes right because we prove to them that it's true everyday. Stupid people do stupid things, and desperate people do desperate things, and when you throw millions of stupid desperate people together with no vision of a better way, a better world, a better you and no hope for a better life.... whoa, that's a powder keg sitting on top of 100 year old unstable dynamite, isn't it?

Its good she's not reading in the dark, but

someone should tell he that sitting a foot

in front of a 4 foot tower of ultraviolet light

isn't good for the eyes either. Her eyesight was

perfect until she bought that damn lamp. Dr. Zeus

made her do it. I told you... whacky!

And why would we be desperate? Because not only is the unemployment rate in the U.S. at 9.2% as of this weekend, but the underemployment rate is at 16.7%, thrilling news that also came out of this Labor Day weekend. In case you don't know, the underemployed are those of us that have jobs but don't make enough money at those jobs to pay the bills. The underemployed are the ones working 2 part time jobs at 70+ hours a week just to get by, only to have to do it all over again tomorrow.

Right now 25% of the country can not take care of themselves. Yet adding to that desperation, in our consumer driven materialistic party all the time society, we're still putting all the value on the "Haves" while looking down on the "Have Nots". Worse still... no one has any answers as to how to fix it.

Blame the Chinese, they're behind everything.

Who do you think is funding Dr. Moreau up there?

Outsourcing your devious plots for total global domination

keeps the hands clean and frees up a lot of time for

more important activities like....

KARAOKE!

All of this has even made the likes of self improvement guru Anthony Robbins go on a Labor Day Rant! This is a long video, but you should really listen to what he has to say in it. There were some specific points he made in it, things I've said a lot and got slammed for in the past such as:

"I'm not talking about positive thinking bullshit"
"Everyone wants a piece of you when things are good. When you're down the people who are full of it disappear and you find out who your real friends are."
"You need a breakthrough"

He says these things straight out in this clip, and it points out why, of all of these people cropping up doing what he does, that he's still the best. What he acknowledges that the "positive thinking" crowd refuses to is that even if you do everything right you still need opportunities, you still need something to happen, and for many of us, those breakthroughs just don't come, and they certainly haven't or aren't coming any time soon.

And there it is, the evidence, the crux of the plan....

they're going to replace all of our women with

cardboard cutouts.

If you want companionship you'll have to go through

them now. Cardboard cutouts are just fine. You can even

talk to them a bit. Its when they start answering back

that you have to worry.

Robbins hits on the same rock wall that I've been smashing myself against for the better part of my lifetime, and certainly over the past few years, and that's that no matter how hard we try to improve our situation, there are times that nothing you do can change it and there's really nothing that you can do about it. This follows right along the path of Eastern philosophy when they say that life has pain, all we can do is decide how we feel about it, how we let it affect us. As Anthony Robbins says, when it really hits the fan and everything is out of our control, all we can do is focus on the things that we CAN do something about. Often the only thing that is is how we think or how we act.

They're letting us keep one or two of the ladies

around, just in case we need a little something extra....

like two front teeth... or are those the bottom teeth?

And as if the Universe needed to hammer that point home, that sometimes things just don't go your way and there's nothing that you can do about it but accept the situation and let go of the frustrations caused by fighting a fight you just can't win and stop fighting just for the sake of fighting... I got word Friday night that Jess, my ex that left me in the middle of the night, is now engaged to be married.

It was an odd feel that washed over me; I wasn't upset at all. Quite the contrary, I'm actually about as happy for her as I can be. Whatever happened, I take the blame for it; I could have loved her a whole lot better than I did, and marriage was what she always wanted. Hopefully she'll be able to squeeze out a kid or two too. I gained a large sense of relief because I couldn't give her what she wanted, but she didn't lose out on it because she wasted time with me.

Of course, ever since it's seemed like the whole world has stopped. You can't help but think in these situations "what about me?", and I've done my share of that. I've accomplished so much since she left, but every bit of it has felt completely empty because I've had no one to share it with (another thing Robbins mentions often), and nothing I've done has done anything to change that.

But never fear... These guys are on the case.

Have you ever seen a sight that's filled you with

a greater sense that all will be well.

No matter how heinous the plot devised by Dr. Evil...

These guys will save us!

For everything that's happened over the past couple of years, all the hard work that I've done, all the life lessons learned, all the goals knocked off the list, I find myself right back in the same exact situation I fought so hard and did all of those things to get out of 5 years ago and more. And the people that I carried with me all that time, the ones I've been scarred by, have all moved on to other lives and seemingly left me behind, no longer even a dot in their rearview.

Hearing of the engagement took all the fight I had left out of me. Not in a bad way, but in that way you only find through acceptance. This is what it is; this is life. Maybe not for others, but this is what life is for me. And so it's time to stop fighting for all those things out there, focus on the few things you can actually do something about, and try to enjoy whatever it is that does come to you.

And we'll all live happily ever after...

THE END!

I like myself a lot, even if very few others do. I just don't like the situation I'm in, and no matter how hard I've tried I can't do anything to change it. I wonder how many of us have said the very same thing, felt that very same way. But being depressed about it doesn't work either. How does that make anything better?

Instead I said "Fuck it", the 2 most powerful words in the English dictionary as the best teacher I ever had, John D. Vasques, said often. I spent Labor Day weekend watching 3 kick ass Phish concerts and eating Barbecue with The Man and caught my favorite Elvis flik.

And there was much rejoicing.

So what really is the point then in today's ramble if it's not to say how bad things are and we're all screwed? It's this... even when nothing's working for you you can still always decide how you feel about it. Work on being a better you, even if that means saying "to hell with it" and having yourself a good time. Sometimes it's all you can do.

Later People! 

Join my fanpage John LaSota - Writer
Or our creative team's page The Mad Doser Presents

And if you need a healthy helping hand from a Personal Performance Consultant
Coach LaSota