What's a Blow Job with a Condom on? Serisously?

Last night I had hurt my arm playing ball and had been joking with my friend that I can't even jerk off now, and she asked what would I do now? So I told her that that's what hookers and crackheads are for. But then I got to thinking about all those nights with my buddies at all those back room shit hole strip clubs when a girl took a pal of mine to the private section (private meaning it was concealed in shadow, you could still see everything), slipped the condom on, and.....

Now, I'm constantly saying that fluff girls make everything better. In case you don't know, fluff girls are the ones that walk around those big 100+ man gang bangs for porn shoots that are responsible for keeping all the dudes hard. Like my ex, they blow you just enough so that you HAVE to fuck.

I've known a lot of strippers in my time, and while I actually think most of them are great down to earth people, that's the life and the world they live in. You'd be hard pressed, no matter how high end the joint is or how hot the woman, to find an exotic dancer who hasn't taken a guy into the back room for the treatment. She may have just jerked off 6 Mexicans right off the back of a fruit truck and just grabbed your junk, only washing her hand by spitting on it, or it could be that she only does it for special cases like celebrities, but it's really all the same thing, isn't it? Even if you could feel a thing from her lips once she slides that bad boy on, is it worth the worry you have to take home once it hits you that she's been so well trained to slip a condom on before she slips it into her mouth and what her reasons for that are?

Me with Olivia Munn

About a year ago I met Olivia Munn, then star of G4's Attack of the Show, at one of her book signings. At the time she was the biggest woman in video games before trying to take that following and turn it into something bigger. Her star, and career, precipitously fell off the face of the planet from that move, showing the dangers of trying to reach too far too soon, and why you should be careful trying to expand beyond the scope of your talents. But in her reading that day she spoke of a disgusting fat slob big shot who had her come to his trailor when she was first breaking in. When she got there he was butt naked, sucking chicken grease off of his fingers, waiting for her to put it in her mouth. He wouldn't have done that if it hadn't worked many times before. Just like Roberto Alomar, or any Latin player in Major League Baseball up until 1996 or so, if you want to get into the league, you have to pay the price. So the next time you see a young star that you're just in love with, just remember that chances are extremely good they bent over a counter or took a shot in the mouth to get there. And I'm not just talking about the ladies. Just like the strippers.... that's the life and the world they live in.

Roberto Alomar - sucked dick to play baseball

Got AIDS after "allegedly" getting raped

by 2 men in a back alley in Mexico City

A few years ago my girlfriend had told me she wanted to marry me six weeks into the relationship and all the red flags went up. So I told her that I'd only get married if I could do it in an Elvis jumpsuit. Part of that was me being a wise ass. Part of that was trying to get her off the marriage ledge, afterall, what woman would go for that? But part of that was also because I'm so off the wall that the only type of person I should be spending the rest of my life with is the type that would love me marrying them in an Elvis jumpsuit. So why am I bringing this up?

My friend found this the other day in Women's World Magazine of all places. Elvis' favorite suit... The Peacock! Get ready ladies, the suit has presented itself, the time has come! The girlfriend I was speaking of actually went for the Elvis jumpsuit thing. I didn't need to actually do it, I just needed to know that she'd let me. So why am I single then? Because just like the fluff girls, she only put it in her mouth until I got hard, only I wasn't in line for the gang bang.

And so we've come full circle. What's a Blow Job with a Condom on? It's better than no Blow Job at all!

Later FuckFace!