WHY WE TREAT EACH OTHER LIKE CRAP: your situation and your past matter

I have to admit to being distracted this morning; two nights in the past three I dreamt of two women who are no longer in my life, one who was my muse, my inspiration, and the other the ex girlfriend that had done so much damage to me when she left me. They were so vivid and lifelike that I was there, and I've learned enough about the subconscious mind and how the universe is all connected over the past few years to know that something is going on just outside of my understanding.

I am a scientist. It's funny to think sometimes, especially for those of you who know me, but all the same, I am a scientist. While I say some things that many find outrageous and often fight me over, hate me over, nonetheless those things I say as fact as based on years of both research and observation. There are two facts that can not be avoided or discredited no matter who you are. One is that every person everywhere, even scientists, sees the world based on preconceived notions based on their previous knowledge and experience. Basically, the things you think you know and the experiences that you've had before focus what you see in the world around you in every situation moving into the future.

Take a look at this picture and tell me what you see. It's just a blob of spots, right? Be honest.

Now take a look at the picture again and tell me if you see the Dalmatian sniffing the ground in the middle of the picture. OH MAN, something that you didn't notice before magically appears before your eyes now, doesn't it. It's almost impossible NOT to see the dog now that you already know it's there, huh?

Many times people have tried to fight with me over issues of the past, stating that the past doesn't matter. However, with the way that our brains learn, there is simply no separation between your past experiences and every action you take, or how those past experiences shape your future. In fact, until you know exactly how your past affects you in the now there is no other single factor which affects who you, how you perceive things, and how you act accordingly, more.

What do you see here?

Beautiful young Lady or decrepit old woman?

The other truth that you absolutely can not deny is that your situation in life, where you find yourself, really does matter every time. Those of us that are living the life that we want to live and are happy with our current situations will always see the positive, while those who are not, those who are struggling or oppressed, will invariably pick up on the things that are wrong and appear negative until that life situation changes.

As people we love to think of ourselves as being above the animals, however, when you keenly observe the animals in the world its plainley obvious how we act the same way. Take for instance the next few pictures that I took from the Central Park Zoo.

No, I didn't photoshop the look on his face, he's relaxing, taking in some sun

Look at how happy he is, he's got the whole place to himself, no worries

I think I'll got for a dip in the pool.

Now take a look at these three. They're well aware that people are looking at them, trying their best to hide away. There's a big turd sitting right in the middle of the shot, the guy on the right has to turn his head in embarrassment.

This big guy isn't turning his head though, he's living in the lap of luxury

He's got everything just the way he wants it, nothing to worry about

On the other hand, look at this here. I don't know if there can me a more classic picture of New York. He has to eat his food off the floor surrounded by filth and garbage. Pigeons run around stealing from him. The hard concrete and the heat pouring off of it can't feel good on his feet, and while all he wants to do is graze in a nice field, here he is strapped to a heavy cart having to break his back hauling people around.

You should take a walk around Central Park if you can and just try to catch a glimpse of these horses. I have never in my life seen animals so miserable as these poor guys. It's enough to make you never even consider taking a ride.

Here's a guy lying on a park bench, he's reading, relaxing, enjoying his day. This might be someone you would talk to, find out what he's reading if the mood strikes you, right?



Here's another guy lying on a park bench. Does he look as happy? Would you be so eager to find out what he's up to?

No matter who you are or where your situation in life means all the difference. And socially, the way that you're looked upon and treated by others, it matters even more. When someone is the life of the party everyone wants to be around them, they all want a piece, because that improves their situation too. "Hey, this guy is GREAT!"

Yet when they're down on their luck and things aren't going well it's too much effort to be around them because that would be work, that would make others lives harder to lift them up. "Eh, they're a pain in the ass, no fun at all, why would I want to bother with them.

But here's the separation that leads to nearly every social problem we have, and brings us full circle; that past which shapes our lives, how we see the world, and our actions as a result, only matter to us, because others can't see things through our eyes, only their own, and only a select few care to even try.

As my favorite writer Kurt Vonnegut once said "Hooray for Firemen, Sons of bitches that they are in their daily lives, they run into a fire and they're a hero."

It doesn't matter that the guy throwing that rooftop party come from a rich family that bought his expensive rooftop apartment for him. It doesn't matter if he's ever had to suffer the weight of the world on his shoulders. What he stands for, how in acts in times of need, whether or not he looks his nose down on those less fortunate, or if he'll fight for you when the chips are down makes no difference. He throws a great party, he's always a good time, he has all the connections I need to get me where I want to go... he's awesome! (even if he pisses off that roof onto the people going to work every morning, hey, he's not pissing on me)

It doesn't matter that he dropped out of school at 16 to help his mother raise and support the rest of the huge, poor family he had come from after his Dad left her. He's too serious all the time, not enough fun, has no connections and has nothing I want. That guy's no good, why would I want to bother with him?

Yet the past does matter. We take everything that's happened to us before and use that to shape what we do tomorrow. The guy with the rooftop who's had everything come easily will always expect everything to come easily, and it usually does. The guy who's had to give everything up and scratch and claw for everything he has will always see the struggle involved just to keep going through each day, and they usually struggle.

"For every thousand men hacking at the leaves of evil there is but one striking at the root" Henry David Thoreau said. We all do the best we can, make what we believe are the best decisions based on what we know, to try to live a good life. But many, many people simply don't know or can't see how to actually get there. Not unless someone shows them how.

But most people are busy looking for the life of the party. We're all looking for the people who can make our lives better, even when the people they are at heart aren't worth the time of day. Many times we fail to see how we can make other's lives better, even when they're such good people, and only lack the light to show them the way. And then we justify our actions, our own failure in seeing the right things in people by saying "The past doesn't matter" or "it makes no difference what situation you're in".

It's a Social Psychological truth and scientific fact, yes they DO matter.

Our lives are enriched by the REAL people in them. How are you going to make the world a better place? The real difference you can make is in how you treat the people who are in your life every day, not the ones already at the top of the mountain.

Later People!

It's all in how you carry yourself

An usual night of dreams that felt like reality and reality that felt like a dream led to waking to what so far has appeared to be a perfect morning, the sort that fills you with a calm, peaceful feeling, which is exactly what I needed to start me off the right way and get into what I wanted to talk about today.

One of the things that has always calmed me down, and if you know me well then you know how very important that is, is taking pictures. Normally I stay away from taking pictures of people and stick to shots of sunsets and nature, shots like this one here that I took with my point and shoot

But the shots that I always wanted to get kept eluding me because I just wasn't equipped with the proper tools, which meant that I was going to have to actually get a professional grade camera to shoot things like this

I took this shot this past Saturday while wondering around testing the new camera, and MAN did I need to do so with the way things were going. I needed to be calmed more than ever. But in my travels the random events of life seemed to open up to show me some things that maybe I needed to see.

I have no idea who these people are, but he had just proposed to her as I happened to walk by, and they asked me to take a picture for them so that they could remember it. It was nice to be a part of their special moment, even in a very small way, so I took one of my own.

For whatever reason, I've always been a guy that people have done that with. I get asked to take pictures for people all the time. There constantly seems to be someone coming to me for directions, even when I'm in a city that I've never been to before. We don't approach just anyone for this sort of thing, you know that as well as I do. Every one of us has been in a similar situation before, and you have to have a certain comfort level with the stranger you're asking just from how they appear to be.

Well, 93% of all communication is in our body language. We literally say way more to the people surrounding us by the way we're standing around and the look on our faces than with any of the garbage that flies from our mouths. That aura, that energy that emanates, speaks to everyone in proximity.

When I saw this woman in the picture above me she was working with small children, helping to make their day at the park a fun and memorable one. I happened to pass three times while snapping my photos, and with each pass I couldn't help but notice the calm and easy demeanor she displayed and the softness about her. This picture does nothing to do her justice, but even here you can see that in her face. There was a grace, an elegance about her that just melted my heart, and though I doubt very much I'll ever see her again, instantly I thought I saw someone special and it stirred a change in me.

Our chance encounters with the people that walk in and out of our lives are often not a thing to latch on to and hold, but an opportunity to change the way we look at things, what Marianne Williamson calls miracles in her great book A Return to Love.

I'm always talking about the lack of a certain something in our starlets these days, which of course filters down to all the women in our society, that ladies like Olivia De Havilland (up top) had so much of that it poured from them on the screen and moved you.

Where are the Princess Grace Kelly's of the world, the kind of woman that even 30 years after her death the very mention of her name still echoes the embodiment of the word her parents chose to call her by.... Grace.

Or Ingrid Bergman, who you really could believe great men, the Victor Lazlo's of our lifetime, would endure almost anything to get back to, to live for, to inspire them to fight for a better world, or give it all up for.

And of course my all time favorite, Audrey Hepburn. They just don't make women like this anymore.....

Except they do. A chance encounter with a random girl just being herself opened my eyes to something that I either didn't believe that could ever exist again, or perhaps that I had been looking in the wrong places, at the wrong people, for all along. And I began to think about myself, casting the same light on who I am and the way that I act that I had been burning the ladies of the world with.

I've stated in the past how John Wayne was once the embodiment of what is was to be the American man and how as a kid growing up this is what I too was supposed to be, why I often act the way that I do, rough and tumble, out there for everyone to see, A MAN BABY, YEAH! But the truth of the matter is that I'm really probably more like Ash from Army of Darkness in all the wrong ways

"Are all men from the future loud mouth braggards like yourself?"
"No, just me baby.... just me"

Dr. Wayne Dyer always says that you do not attract what you want into your life, you attract what you are, something I firmly believe. When you carry that into the people in your life, if you act like an animal, you'll attract other animals. Act like ghetto trash, you'll attract ghetto trash. Act like Ash... you get deadites

So it's really no wonder that this is the type of woman that I've been finding when I look.

But the woman at the park had me inspired to be more than what I've become, to find all the best parts of myself and have that be the face that I show to the world. In NLP we have a technique that we call modeling, and by that we mean to find someone that displays the characteristics that you want to have yourself and model the way that you behave after the way that they do it. And if you want classy, elegant women in your life, then you have to be more like a man that would be in the same circles of that sort of person. You have to be Cary Grant.

Well, I'm not nearly that good looking, nor am I suave or sophisticated. I may be too much of a Shanty Queens slob sitting on the curb, rough around the edges to hope to pull that off naturally without coming off as try hard. But that doesn't mean I have to be loud and obnoxious either, and I find that when I'm at my best, it's when I'm being the strong, quiet type that takes care of his responsibilities and doesn't worry about the rest. So I may be better off as the Ed Burns type

Well... maybe I don't have his looks either, but if you want to attract a better quality of person in your life, then you have to be a better person. And it's all in the way that you carry yourself. So rather than worrying about who's out there and how good they are, instead concentrate on who you are and how good you can be.

Then the truly beautiful ones will find you.
So who do you want to be?

Later people